I wish losing your virginity didn't have
to hurt. I want to make love to my
boyfriend(I'm a virgin, he isn't.) So last
night I decided that I want him to try
sticking his penis into me so when we do
make love for the first time, it won't
hurt AS much.
I'm on the pill and he put a condom on so
we were safe. He tried putting it in me,
but it hurt a lot. I tried to get on top,
it still hurt. I tried to relax as much as
possible, but it hurts so I tensed up a
little. We must have tried about 20 times.
I was getting upset so we stopped. My BF
doesn't want to see me in pain, but he
says it's easier to just go for it. It
will hurt for a second, but if he keeps
going slow, it's gonna hurt even more. I
agree but it hurts a lot. I couldn't take
it. I just wish it was easier.
I remember when he first tried sticking
his finger inside of me and it hurt, but
now it just goes in easily and doesn't
hurt at all.
We tried again a few nights ago..it hurt
still, tried a few times. Then I layed
down and told him to try to put 2 fingers
in me. He did and it didn't hurt that much
as it did before, but he ddin't go that
far in. So then he tried to put his penis
in me and it was a little easier and
didn't hurt AS much. I think it was the
way I was laying down, it was weird.
|
Llewellyn
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jan 2007 Posts: 1743 Location: NY
Posted: 03-15-07 00:07am
Well, let's start with some re-education.
A lot of people think your first time is
supposed to hurt, or has to hurt. The
truth is, it does not have to, and it is
not supposed to. If it hurts, something
is not quite right. Now don't
misunderstand me. Pain is common for the
first time, but that does not in any way
mean it is unavoidable or supposed to be
there.
The number one cause of pain during sex,
first time or otherwise, is lack of
lubrication. Many things can cause a
woman to not be lubricated enough. One
reason is being nervous, which many first
timers are.
The second most common reason for pain
during sex is being tense. Being nervous,
afraid, or even excited, can make your
vagina clench like any other muscle would
when you're nervous.
The third and least common reason for pain
during sex is various gynecological
problems such as infection.
For more information, check out
coolnurse:
"Sex shouldn't hurt, whether it’s your
first time or your hundredth time.....If
sex hurts, it's usually because a woman
hasn't been sexually aroused through
foreplay. That means her vagina isn't
lubricated enough before a man penetrates
her."
http://www.coolnurse.com/
sex_faqs2.htm
Buy some lubrication, take your time, stay
relaxed, and don't rush. If you continue
to notice pain, tell your ob-gyn about it.
Just thinking that sex is going to hurt
plays a huge factor in how much it will
hurt. Check this site out:
"Normally, the vaginal sphincter keeps the
vagina closed until the need to expand and
relax. This relaxation allows for sexual
intercourse, medical examination,
insertion of tampons and childbirth.
Vaginismus occurs when the vagina is
unable to relax and permit the penetration
of the penis during intercourse however,
when vaginismus does occur, the sphincter
goes into spasm resulting in the
tightening of the vagina....
Vaginismus is not due to a physical
abnormality of the genitals. Some women
wonder if their vagina is too small to fit
a penis into, or perhaps they have no
vaginal opening at all. This is
understandable especially when the vaginal
muscles are in spasm as they can give the
appearance that the opening is
nonexistent. These concerns, however, are
incorrect as the genital area is
completely normal....
Concepts such as penetration, intercourse
and even sex can cause fear or trepidation
in the mind of may a young inexperienced
woman who may hear stories about painful
first intercourse, which then reinforce
the fear of penetration. This fear can
compound and create a pattern of sexual
anxiety, causing the vagina to remain dry
and un-relaxed before intercourse...."
http://www.coolnurse.com
/vaginismus.htm
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-15-07 01:18am
She's right. My first time didn't hurt at
all, and I really mean that.
Spooning style can also help; most people
don't think of havin sex like that, but it
is a very gentle, shallow penetration.
Yes, use lots of lube!!!
|
reneblack
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Nov 2006 Posts: 247 Location: A beautiful place, CA-USA
Re: Hurts! Posted: 03-15-07 02:25am
Star2007
wrote:
I wish losing your virginity
didn't have to hurt. I want to make love
to my boyfriend(I'm a virgin, he isn't.)
So last night I decided that I want him to
try sticking his penis into me so when we
do make love for the first time, it won't
hurt AS much.
I'm on the pill and he put a condom on so
we were safe. He tried putting it in me,
but it hurt a lot. I tried to get on top,
it still hurt. I tried to relax as much as
possible, but it hurts so I tensed up a
little. We must have tried about 20 times.
I was getting upset so we stopped. My BF
doesn't want to see me in pain, but he
says it's easier to just go for it. It
will hurt for a second, but if he keeps
going slow, it's gonna hurt even more. I
agree but it hurts a lot. I couldn't take
it. I just wish it was easier.
I remember when he first tried sticking
his finger inside of me and it hurt, but
now it just goes in easily and doesn't
hurt at all.
We tried again a few nights ago..it hurt
still, tried a few times. Then I layed
down and told him to try to put 2 fingers
in me. He did and it didn't hurt that much
as it did before, but he ddin't go that
far in. So then he tried to put his penis
in me and it was a little easier and
didn't hurt AS much. I think it was the
way I was laying down, it was
weird.
How old are you? Hun?
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2460 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:7
Posted: 03-15-07 06:15am
it's supposed to hurt for some of us with
thick hymens. It hurted really bad for me
and i bleed a lot and judging for the
chunks of skin that came out it's not way
that would have been pain free no matter
how much lube. But after the hymen was
fully broken i was fine. I too was
surprised that it was not going to be
easy, i exactly can understand how you
felt, you just have to be brave and put up
with it. Going slowly and on top really
helped me.
|
Star2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2007 Posts: 31
Posted: 03-15-07 12:38pm
umm it is supposed to hurt for the first
time. It may not hurt for some people, but
most people it does. I really wish it
didn't, but it does. It is frustrating. We
will keep practicing and hopefully it will
get easier. it seemed to get a little
better next time.
|
Aryeani
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 128 Location: Edinburg, Texas, United States
Posted: 03-15-07 13:23pm
A lot of it just depends on the girl.
Before my first time, my hymen was torn by
a tampon. So, I didn't bleed, but I still
experienced the stretching pain. You'll
want to take it slow, but not too slow and
don't panic and you'll be ok.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-15-07 13:57pm
Star2007
wrote:
umm it is supposed to hurt
for the first time. It may not hurt for
some people, but most people it does. I
really wish it didn't, but it does. It is
frustrating. We will keep practicing and
hopefully it will get easier. it seemed to
get a little better next
time.
I think the wording that we want to avoid
here is "it is supposed to hurt".
It can, and it is common, and it is normal
if it does. However, it is not an
absolute, and the phrase "supposed to"
implies that if it doesn
hurt, then something is wrong.
|
Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 03-15-07 14:55pm
Llewellyn and Eiri are correct it is not supposed to
hurt
even thick hymens are incredibly thin -
normal ones are practically see through -
like a huge bubble gum bubble just before
it bursts. they are rather fragile.
sports and gymnastics, horseback riding
and ballet, using tampons can all rupture
or stretch the hymen.
|
Star2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2007 Posts: 31
Posted: 03-15-07 16:38pm
Well then why does it hurt for me?
Last summer i tried using a tampon for the
first time and I couldn't get it in so I
just gave up.
Then today I tried using one and it went
right in! I couldn't feel it at all. So I
guess I'm opening up a little more.
|
Ingi
Supporter
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8723 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 156
Thanked:189
Re: Hurts! Posted: 03-15-07 16:42pm
Star2007
wrote:
So last night I decided
that I want him to try sticking his penis
into me so when we do make love for the
first time, it won't hurt AS
much.
Did no one else read this part?
Sweetie, if he sticks it in you, you are
no longer a virgin - and it .I.S your
first time...
But, no, it shouldn't hurt. Get some
lubrication and go slow.
|
Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 03-15-07 17:40pm
Star2007
wrote:
Well then why does it hurt
for me?
because you aren't lubed
and physically ready.
you need to take it slow - he needs to be
loving and gentle - using fingers first to
gently open you some more.
Quote:
Last summer i
tried using a tampon for the first time
and I couldn't get it in so I just gave
up.
Then today I tried using one and it went
right in! I couldn't feel it at all. So I
guess I'm opening up a little
more.
I couldn't use tampons for the first 4
years that I had my periods - I simply
couldn't get them in.
Looking back it's because I was too tense
and not confident in what I was doing.
patience - patience - patience.
|
reneblack
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Nov 2006 Posts: 247 Location: A beautiful place, CA-USA
Posted: 03-15-07 21:25pm
Kia
wrote:
Star2007
wrote:
Well then why does it hurt
for me?
because you aren't lubed
and physically ready.
you need to take it slow - he needs to be
loving and gentle - using fingers first to
gently open you some more.
Quote:
Last summer i
tried using a tampon for the first time
and I couldn't get it in so I just gave
up.
Then today I tried using one and it went
right in! I couldn't feel it at all. So I
guess I'm opening up a little
more.
I couldn't use tampons for the first 4
years that I had my periods - I simply
couldn't get them in.
Looking back it's because I was too tense
and not confident in what I was doing.
patience - patience -
patience.
hey kia ! I have not heard
from you in a long time!?
|
Star2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2007 Posts: 31
Re: Hurts! Posted: 03-15-07 21:37pm
Ingi
wrote:
Star2007
wrote:
So last night I decided
that I want him to try sticking his penis
into me so when we do make love for the
first time, it won't hurt AS
much.
Did no one else read this part?
Sweetie, if he sticks it in you, you are
no longer a virgin - and it .I.S your
first time...
But, no, it shouldn't hurt. Get some
lubrication and go
slow.
Not technically, he didn't even stick it
all the way in. I'm sure my hymen didn't
break.. People have different opinions on
when they technically lose their
virginity.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-15-07 21:37pm
Star2007
wrote:
Well then why does it hurt
for me?
Last summer i tried using a tampon for the
first time and I couldn't get it in so I
just gave up.
Then today I tried using one and it went
right in! I couldn't feel it at all. So I
guess I'm opening up a little
more.
That is exactly it. You will slowly
stretch, and possibly your hymen will
break, but it may not. That's okay.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Re: Hurts! Posted: 03-15-07 21:39pm
Star2007
wrote:
Ingi
wrote:
Star2007
wrote:
So last night I decided
that I want him to try sticking his penis
into me so when we do make love for the
first time, it won't hurt AS
much.
Did no one else read this part?
Sweetie, if he sticks it in you, you are
no longer a virgin - and it .I.S your
first time...
But, no, it shouldn't hurt. Get some
lubrication and go
slow.
Not technically, he didn't even stick it
all the way in. I'm sure my hymen didn't
break.. People have different opinions on
when they technically lose their
virginity.
Did the head of the penis get in? That
counts, tecnically.
You should honestly use fingers first and
get used to smaller objects, working your
way up to a penis.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2460 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:7
Posted: 03-15-07 23:11pm
Kia
wrote:
Llewellyn and Eiri are
correct it is not supposed
to hurt
even thick hymens are incredibly thin -
normal ones are practically see through -
like a huge bubble gum bubble just before
it bursts. they are rather fragile.
sports and gymnastics, horseback riding
and ballet, using tampons can all rupture
or stretch the
hymen.
kia i will tell you this my hymen was not
incredibly thin. It was chunks of skin not
transparent and quite thick. The blood
traspassed the sheets to the mattress that
first time. The second time i had sex when
the hymen finally broke all I had to do it
in a tub for how much i was bleeding.
After it really broke all the bleed and
pain suddenly all stop. Now I tell you
this I was loong time virgin (30's) so
maybe that affected and I never used
tampons (still i don't like to use
tampons).
The other thing to look at is what vaginal
size are you talking about and how well
endowed the guy is. I dated this guy and
everytime I had sex with him the first
penetration always hurted because the man
had a very wide penis from head to bottom.
I tried lube to see if that might change
the situation but to not availability. My
vaginal opening was just small for his
head size. During the sex then the vaginal
opening streched but never I could escaped
the pain when he first penetratred me
everytime for as long as the relationship
lasted. I never had that problem with the
others bf i had.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-15-07 23:42pm
nightangel73
wrote:
Kia
wrote:
Llewellyn and Eiri are
correct it is not supposed
to hurt
even thick hymens are incredibly thin -
normal ones are practically see through -
like a huge bubble gum bubble just before
it bursts. they are rather fragile.
sports and gymnastics, horseback riding
and ballet, using tampons can all rupture
or stretch the
hymen.
kia i will tell you this my hymen was not
incredibly thin. It was chunks of skin not
transparent and quite thick. The blood
traspassed the sheets to the mattress that
first time. The second time i had sex when
the hymen finally broke all I had to do it
in a tub for how much i was bleeding.
After it really broke all the bleed and
pain suddenly all stop. Now I tell you
this I was loong time virgin (30's) so
maybe that affected and I never used
tampons (still i don't like to use
tampons).
The other thing to look at is what vaginal
size are you talking about and how well
endowed the guy is. I dated this guy and
everytime I had sex with him the first
penetration always hurted because the man
had a very wide penis from head to bottom.
I tried lube to see if that might change
the situation but to not availability. My
vaginal opening was just small for his
head size. During the sex then the vaginal
opening streched but never I could escaped
the pain when he first penetratred me
everytime for as long as the relationship
lasted. I never had that problem with the
others bf i
had.
No previous stretching can affect your
hymen and how it reacts during sex. ^^
|
Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 03-16-07 02:52am
nightangel73
wrote:
kia i will tell you this my
hymen was not incredibly thin. It was
chunks of skin not transparent and quite
thick. The blood traspassed the sheets to
the mattress that first time. The second
time i had sex when the hymen finally
broke all I had to do it in a tub for how
much i was
bleeding.
hun, that would have put
you in the hospital and you would have
been having a plasma iv.
Quote:
The other thing
to look at is what vaginal size are you
talking about and how well endowed the guy
is. I dated this guy and everytime I had
sex with him the first penetration always
hurted because the man had a very wide
penis from head to bottom. I tried lube to
see if that might change the situation but
to not availability. My vaginal opening
was just small for his head size. During
the sex then the vaginal opening streched
but never I could escaped the pain when he
first penetratred me everytime for as long
as the relationship lasted. I never had
that problem with the others bf i
had.
once you are fully
developed physically, no vagina is too
small of any penis. - well unless that
penis happens to be more than 4 inches
across .
the vagina is perfectly capable of
stretching to 4 inches for the purpose of
birthing a baby. Now is your partner has a
penis that is bigger than a new born
baby....
|
Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Re: Hurts! Posted: 03-16-07 02:54am
Star2007
wrote:
Not technically, he didn't
even stick it all the way in. I'm sure my
hymen didn't break.. People have different
opinions on when they technically lose
their
virginity.
If we are going to talk technically then
as soon as the tip of the penis passes the
vaginal entrance - that is your virginity
gone. Gone for ever.
the hymen breaking or not has nothing
what-so-ever to do with virginity.
Hun? 
.
