Depression Forum - I Could Really Do With Some Advice

I've read other peoples problems with depression, and I'm lucky to say I don't have it that bad, but I have a different type of depression.

I've was recently in a two year relationship with a girl who I was in love with. But it took two years for me to realise that she was only with me for my money and to take advantage of my kindness. I broke up with her and have been trying to heal. I had one night stands, but they were meaningless even though I said all these things with a passion. Then I finally left my band after two years of being forced to play songs I hated and going in the totally different direction I wanted to go, being controlled by my drummer. I told him where to shove it and my other members said nothing even though they've sworn they were going to quit first.

Lately I've just been masking myself up, because, to my friends I am the guy who is always happy, the one who always gives you a hug and makes you feel better, the guy to lean on if you got any problems... But there are all these people leaning on me, who have I to turn to? My family? Don't give a caca, just want to make sure my school work is done... My Brother? He's too busy with his own life and university...My Close friends? I have none, they all use me for my money and my 50% discount where we hang out because I work there, and my cigarettes if I have any but if I ask for one back its a rare oddity that I shall recieve.

Recently I thought my life was starting to turn round. I was doing college work, I was excelling at Bass and I met this girl who was amazing. I had liked her for 5 years, even when I was going out with my previous girlfriend of 2 years. She made me feel so great and she said she felt the same way. Everything was perfect, we were communicating, we were on the same level....or so I thought. I went to go meet her down my mates flat where all of our friends hang out. I got there and she was distant to me. Every conversation, cut short. She left the room to go into the next. I come in to find her talking to one of my mates so naturally I sat next to her. My mate leaves and she gets up, instead of sitting by me and goes and sits next to her ex-boyfriend. They start having this deep conversation and I'm left twidling my thumbs. Everyone else in the room leaves one by one and its just me, my girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend, and they are the only people talking. Then they both leave without saying a word and I'm left in this room by myself. I was starting to see red, a state I haven't been in since I broke some guys legs, so I went to leave but my friend came in to calm me down. We talked and we decided to go in the next room so I could talk to my girlfriend. I go in the next room...shes not there and neither is her ex. I rush down stairs to find them alone, next to each other and talking. I pretended to get a beer from the fridge and ran back up stairs and gathered my belongings. I was beyond red now. My friend tryed to calm me down and then my girlfriend and her ex walk in. Even though there was a space right next to me, she sat away from me and her ex sat even further away from me on the opposite side of the room as my ex. I left and I can't remember the walk home. I was told I was screaming on the top of my lungs and actually broke the panel of a lampost by smacking it repeatedly. I havent heard from her for three days and its getting to me so bad.

Not only that I have coursework deadlines for coursework which I havent completed coming short and fast.

I work two jobs and still I'm broke.

I just think wouldn't it be easier just to jump...