I just spent a year in a manic state after
taking antidepressants for the first time.
It nearly ruined my marriage, and many
people were hurt in my wake with the bonus
of financial damage.
My big thing right now is that I am
getting tired of thrashing. I seem to be
either rapid cycling right now or in a
mixed state. Not sure.
In my moments of free time when I am not
being watched, I have been researching
suicide methods. There is no urgency to
it... it is more casual. I have been
suicidal in the past, and it is not the
same. Still... Part of me knows I want a
real plan.
How long does it take before the thrashing
back and forth settles down?
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geekylotus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2006 Posts: 15
Posted: 03-21-07 11:19am
I will add that there is no emergency
here.
My psychiatrist knows about this casual
suicide research as does my counselor and
my wife. It scares my wife.
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geekylotus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2006 Posts: 15
Posted: 03-23-07 14:32pm
I will continue my conversation with
myself...
I have gradually started feeling better in
the last few days. My days start out
well.... the mid-day seems to get to me a
bit and the evenings vary.
I was all keyed up to annouce that I was
all better in this thread, but I know that
to be untrue as the day drags on. I am
glad it is Friday so I can go back to
avoiding work resposibility. I am looking
forward to getting a good buzz on tonight.
That is not a healthy thing to do,
perhaps, but I crave peace even when it is
fleeting. I am glad it came around on its
own recently.
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1404 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 55
Thanked:65
You Are Not Alone! Posted: 03-23-07 15:24pm
You are never alone, there are so many
people out there who feel just as you do.
I for one can tell you myself, I wanted to
throw in hte towel so many times........it
took several meds and therapy sessions,
and it never seemed to work. It took
almost dying and giving up the things that
mean most to me. Material things do not
mean #### to me. Its family nad friends
that matter and they are the ones who have
made me realize life IS worth living.
There are still times I feel guilty for
putting my wonderful husband through
tantrums, what an understanding
compassionate person. You said you had
mentioned this suicide to your wife. By
telling others, you are actually asking
for help. Those who just go out and take
thier life without ever saying a
word........thats so very sad. They never
stop once to think about the ones left
behind filled with hurt. You need to
re-evalute your life, whats important and
make small changes. Things htat seem to
make you sad, avoid, replace with
something else. I for one do not even know
what the term bored means........becasue I
am constantly doing something........keeps
my mind from trying to think of things. I
saw where no one had answered your post
and just watned you to know, I did read it
and felt compelled to write, even if its
not anyhting you wanted to
hear............just know, there are
people who care about you and taking your
own life is super selfish..... always here
if you need to talk!
