WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her
gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties
box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business
Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of
Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk
carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after
folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a
remote control for a television set in her
purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?"
I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused
to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing
I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take
boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the
hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing
with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the
instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives
know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite
flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm
gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury,
isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up
& down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if
she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of
tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge
bag of cotton balls and a ball of string
on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you
were looking for some tampons for your
wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she
came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's
sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own
.......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk
carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for
several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their
position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife
about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to
men...
The husband then turned to his wife and
asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't
know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same
time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be
attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted
to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument
about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because
you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to
get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of
cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and
besides, it is in the Bible that the man
should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that,
show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the
New Testament and showed him at the top of
several pages, that it indeed says
......... "HEBREWS"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some
problems at home
and were giving each other the silent
treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business
flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of
paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it
where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to
discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed
his flight Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of
contests.
***God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before
the masterpiece***
us women are great
