Bipolar Disorder Forum - Still Trying to Figure Out If I Am Bi-polar

Hello. I have been trying to figure out if there is something wrong with me for quite some time.

At first I thought that it might be a health issue so I went on a health craze for about 3mos. Detoxifying, exercising etc.

I seem to have problems concentrating on things. I need to be busy at all times. I have never read a book becuase I can't focus my mind on one thing for long enough.(I don't know how I made it through high school and most of college not being able to read) I am a really good studier I know that.

I procrastinate things to the last minute as much as possible. I don't sleep well at night. I never dream or feel rested in the morning.

One thing that relaxes me is listening to music. Driving in my car. I can't seem to focus on my work very much. I sometimes get really tired to the point where I feel like I can't stay awake and need to lay down. If I lay down I won't be able to sleep though becuase of a racing mind.

I think alot about how I want to be a good person and do the right thing for my family and yet can't see my desires come true. I just have a real lack of focus

I never really finish things. I get raced up and start things and then never really finish them. Or very seldom finish them. I have a history of self-medicating, alcohol abuse,cocaine abuse, opiate abuse, pot.

I feel like I am happiest when I am busy non-stop. Idle hands are the devils playthins. In the past, I have always held down two jobs. It helps keep me occupied. Now i have the pleasure of only working one job. But find that on my free time I am generally and wishing that I was doing something more excited.

I feel that my life is unbelievably robotic. I go to work come home and then go to work. I feel like my life lacks luster so to speak and that if I got another job at least I would be to busy and not notice it. I have a GF of 5 years who I have always had problems with. We seem to get along some of the time but she threatens to leave me about once a month. She says that I am selfish and she thinks I am bipolar as well.

Anyways I am sure that there is much more to say but I will post more as I think of more