This Is Only Half of It

Hey girls. Now I know that this post may not interest some of you, but I have been wanting to do this for awhile because I just want some of the girls to realize, that when I say “i can relate” I mean it. You can tell that I have some time on my hands, right?
Hmm where do I begin? I love doing this; I think that I need to go into public speaking. Ok, I was born in sewickley, pa (where I live now) to my mother, tammy, and my father, george. While I was growing up things weren’t very pleasant. My father abused my mom very badly. Ne time my mom got so messed up that she was placed in the hospital and her mom walked right past her because she didn’t recognize her. Well needless to say, my mom thought that she was in love with the man and she stayed with him, for a total of 14 years, but only 4 of those years I was around. (ohh yeah during that time, before I forget my mom had a one-night stand and then my sister was born. My father did do a good deed he signed as kristie’s father and played that role to this day)
hmm what is the next thing that I remember, as I got a little bit older lets say 5 my mom got re-married to a nice man, named sam. Now I think that I have to mention that sam came from a wealthy new york family, that owned many steel companies and that is why my mother was attracted to him.
When sam came into my life I was thrilled because I had, had nobody else in my life playing that father role, by this time I didn’t know where my father was. Sam came in and starting becoming closer to my sister since she was younger. She now lives with him and he is taking care of her. When my mom and sam got married however, we moved around a lot. My mom was a truck driver, a tax lady!!, a waitress and all kinds of other things during this time, 6 years ( that is how long the entire marriage lasted.)
we finally after about 6 moves, got settled in martins ferry, ohio. Well things were so lovely there. I lived there for a little while and then my mother began having an affair, and my father and my mother got a divorce. To this day my mom will tell my father, “ I married you for the money.” sick right?
After my mom and my dad got a divorce my mom jumped right into another relationship, I mean right away at the divorce hearing the dude was there. Well we then moved to galesburg, il. We got an apartment there and we lived there for about a year, we had a nanny that had two kids that lived with us for a while and then finally she moved out. (we found out about a year later, that the nanny’s kids were my mom’s boyfriends!!) then we had another nanny come to live with us, by this time I was about 11 . Well anyway renee came to live with us, we knew her from ohio.
Each summer, it was like a tradition to come and stay at my grandma’s house in pittsburgh, while my sister and me were visiting my mom got rid of the apartment and we stayed at my grandmas until she got a place. When we were ready to come home my mom had lined up a house in monmouth, il. That was only like 5 minutes from galesburg. Well we lived there for a little while; I knew it wouldn’t last long.
But while we were living there I met larry, my baby’s daddy, summer was approaching and I knew that I would be going to stay with my grandma but I really liked this kid. So me being 12 and him 14, said yeah lets do the long distance thing for the summer. Me thinking that I would be coming back, but in my heart I never wanted to return to anyone but larry.
Since february of 2000 my mom’s boyfriend rod had been sexually molesting me. I was scared to say anything to my mother because I knew how happy she was when she was with a man. Plus my mother and me never had a good relationship and she always blamed me for her being alone, so I kept quiet. Plus rod made it so that he would do these things to me when nobody could see, plus he threatened me.
When I got to my grandma’s I stayed quiet about it. I was scared like I said. I still have difficulty talking about it because I feel like it is my fault; maybe I made him do those things to me. But anyway, one day my mom came to visit and she ended up wanting to take my little sister back to illinois with her early, and to leave me there.
I couldn’t take it I had to do something right away. I told my cousin and my aunt what was going on, because I wouldn’t be able to protect my sister. I love my little sister and I didn’t want anything to happen to her.
Needless to say they couldn’t say anything at that instant, so about a week later, after my sister had been back with my mom, I took my 12 year old little self down to the police station and I told them what had been happening to me.
I made sure to express my concern for my sister, which was acted upon quickly, they made sure that she was out of the house (with a friend). I was so scared, I hadn’t told my grandma what was happening to me, and she got rushed out of work to come and take care of me. I was a mess.
My mother called and wanted me to tell her over and over and over again what happened to me. How many times he made me perform and everything. I couldn’t believe that she didn’t believe me, and that she was still with him.
All I wanted was for my mother to be there, to comfort me, but instead she said I was lying and that I was doing it for attention, and everything was all my fault, that rod was happy with her and that she would have pleased him. Needless to say, I went to the hospital and I got a rape kit, I had to get counseled, and I had to tell the lady what private parts were called, and the police watched and then the had a conference about what I had said. I was so scared. I was so tired; I just wanted him to never be able to hurt my sister again.
Rod went and got a lie detector to prove to my mom that he didn’t do it, and he passed. So I then went and got a lie detector and I also passed. It is possible if you are a ??? Liar, I forget the word.
So now I am 16, and I am still scared. He writes my mom and I think that they were talking on the phone there for awhile, my mom still doesn’t believe me. See my mom thinks that she got aids from him and I don’t have aids, so she thinks that it didn’t happen. But I don’t know how to tell her, mom you could have gotten it from anyone.
Let me explain. After all this occurred I lived with my grandma for a year and half, and then I got mixed up in a lot of trouble. I was forced to move back with my mother. We moved to ft. Lauderdale, fl. And there I also got in trouble, I don’t know what I was looking for, but now that I have larry all is good, I think god was saying that him and I are meant to be. During all this time, and all the chaos he stuck by my side. Well I lived in ft. Lauderdale for about 6 months and then when I got out of juvenile hall (my mom got me locked up) my mom told the courts that she was moving me back to il. And that she was going to get counseling with me. She acted all innocent as if she was not the reason why I had been in there in the first place. That was the last thing that I wanted at the time, I had told larry that I was pregnant and it turned out that I wasn’t and I didn’t tell him that because I didn’t want to loose him. I was 14.
Well my mom told me that we would get that all sorted out and I believed her. Well we moved back to illinois where we had a winter house, and I was there for about 2 months and then larry got out of jail. So I went over the night that he got out to see him. He said that he still wanted to be with me, but that he had to make sure that I hadn’t cheated on him with any of his friends, which was his biggest fear, he thinks his friend is head honcho I think!! Well, as like 3 months past we became so close, we did everything together. I was 130lbs, I was so happy, confident and I knew that I just wanted to be with him.
So one day we were talking about why I didn’t tell him that I wasn’t pregnant that one time before, and I told him how I felt. I then went on to ask him how he would have dealt with it. He said that he would have been there for me. I believed him, and I am glad I did.
About a month later, I don’t know how it came about and I asked, “ I want to have a baby, do you” he said, “i don’t know.”
i then went on to ask him to please think about it because I was being serious. I never wanted to have to leave him again, I wanted to feel love, I wanted to be with him and he wanted to be with me, yes I know selfish reasons.
So about a month later, he came to me and said all right lets do it. About 2 months after that I was pregnant, with sean. His mom freaked out beyond belief, I ended up running out of the house and larry came after me. She said that larry was sterile and that the baby could not be his. Larry had a hernia when he was little and the doc said that he would not be able to have kids, mad did he make a mistake. Larry makes beautiful babies! But his mom continued to think that I was pregnant with someone else’s baby until the end.
My mom freaked out the opposite way, yes she was pissed, but she was thinking all negative, “when is it to late to have an abortion?” I told her that it was to late, and I was like one month at the time. I knew that I had some time to bear with. Then the next thing I know my mom was back on the road as a truck driver, my sister is moving to florida to be with sam, and it looks like it’ll be just me. Pregnant, 14, and all by myself, not to mention 5 miles in the middle of nowhere.
Larry and I had the house to ourselves every day of every month. My mom would come in once a month to leave money and check on things and that was it. Sometimes I would have a cell phone if she paid the bill, and when she didn’t I wouldn’t have a phone. Neither larry nor I had a license so there were lots of times when we had to walk into town to get things, or I would ride the bus and then bum a ride after school if I had errands to run.
Through all this though I made a friend, a really good friend. Cindy, she was my teacher, but she became like my second grandma. To make a long story short, she is the one who brought me to my safe zone and helped me through the tough times. I owe sean to her, if she would not have kept me safe, and healthy, and stress free, sean would not be here.
As I approached my due date, my mom came back around. It seems that she had gotten in trouble with the law; she was busted with crack cocaine in memphis, tennessee and west memphis, georgia. A two state felony offense. So she came around and wanted to become my friend. After all that?
Before she left she met a guy, michael, and he is who got her back into heavy drugs, crack and stuff, she has always smoked marijuana. Michael was still around when she got back and I didn’t want anything to do with that. I couldn’t stand the man and how he had ruined my life. When I came back from florida that is all my sister and me wanted was a relationship with my mom, something I had never had. I can’t say the same for my sister; she had really always lived with her. But my mom met him and everything changed.
Anyway, I went about my business, and tried to stay cool with her, but I ended up always having to leave 8 months pregnant and walk into town. She would never try to come and get me and make it better, it was like she didn’t care. I used to cry the whole way. *crying *
i finally got settled in at larry’s house, and was waiting for the baby to come, about 8 1/2 months, when my counselor and department of children services, said that my mom had to take me back that she couldn’t just send me off like she had been. (she had been trying to get me emancipated and married this whole time as well). So I went home.
I went into labor on april 23rd at 5am. I laid in bed in pain for like 2 hours, because I didn’t want to have to wake my mom and her precious michael up. But I did and when we got to the hospital my mom was there by my side and that was so good for me, I needed her. But she would leave and come back high, I hated that part.
When I got out of the hospital I went home, and when sean was only a week old my mom told me that it was sheila’s turn (larry’s mom) to take me for two weeks and then I could come back home. Sean didn’t have a crib or any of his stuff over there. I was so mad.
It got to the point where my mom flat out kicked me out and dcfs said that they had, had enough. And cindy said that she had, had enough and I had two choices. I could either go into foster care with sean or go and live with my grandma.
Off to grandma’ house we go within a week. Who would take me, what about my stuff? I was able to pack up a couple boxes and ups them. But I still don’t have all my stuff. But the next thing, how would I get there, hmm who was always there to help me, ahh yes cindy. Cindy took me, with her own money, and her own vacation to my grandma’s. A 10-hour drive to help me, nothing for her, but safety for my son and me. Yeah safety for sean.
About a week later, larry was due to come. Something I never though I could see him doing as larry had lived in monmouth all of his life. But larry stuck to his word and he came to. Another thing cindy paid for. God bless her.
Now I am 16, I am a mom to a beautiful baby boy, sean. I am hoping to finish high school, get a home, get married, and have another.
My son is 10 months old, he is so smart, and he is so content with is environment, and he is stable. He sleeps in the same crib, and plays on the same carpet, and drinks the same water.


I for once in my life am stable.

Now this may not seem like a lot for a person to go through, but keep in mind, this can’t possibly be my whole life. Can you imagine how long that would be?


P.S. Almost forgot to mention what happened to a couple people.

Rodney harris is a free man, and I think that he may do it again, I know that it would be weird if you actually ran across this person but I at least have to say be careful. One day he will get what he deserves. I believe that he may have moved back to phoenix, arizona and is probably still truck driving. He is a black man, not that that matters but because I know there is probably more rod’s.

Cindy is still teaching and still helping others everyday, she is a wonderful person. Respect people, they can turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to you.

My mom, tammy, currently works for warner trucking and is living in her truck. She is supposed to be getting an apartment here, moving my sister in with her and you guessed it michael. This is supposed to happen around the end of february.

My dad, george, is in prison for almost killing a man. A couple of you know that story. His minimum is november 16, 2006. I think that he will be a better person when he is freed, lets pray.

Larry is currently working at a restaurant as a cook and a dishwasher. He will be 18 in june and is hoping to change professions; he would like to get his ged this summer.

Renee, the nanny, is still a part of my life. I don’t talk to her as much as I would like but she is currently living in ft. Lauderdale and is doing very well. She has her own residence and finally has her license after many years, of not paying on her dui.

Sam, my stepfather and kristie, my sister are residing in north carolina. I love my sister and we are starting to become very close, I am glad that she might be moving up here, but I wish she would move in here instead of into an apartment. My step-father, who is now in no relation to us or has any means to have to take care of us, but he is taking care of kristie and everything, for nothing!!

Sheila, larry’s mom, has recently ripped us off for over 2,000 on our income tax by claiming larry for over half of a year. Which is a lie, we will probably end up in court. Larry is no longer speaking with her.

That’s all folks, thanks for reading!!