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Lion79

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 245
Location: Sunderland, UK

Why Don't I Enjoy Sex?? Posted: 03-29-07 10:01am


Hi, I'm 19 and I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now and having sex for about 3-3 1/2 years. The thing is I've sort of lost interest in sex, and when he touches me it doesn't feel good and most of the time when he touches me down there I push his hand away. Now it feels like he's always pestering me for sex and I never want it. Why don't I enjoy it?

bar of soap

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 6

Posted: 03-29-07 10:23am


Hello there Have you ever enjoyed it ? I ask this because if you have enjoyed it in the past and all of a sudden you don't maybe your heart and mind are not in the game. I know that if there is no feeling of affection for the person than sex can be not worth while and unpleasurable

Moo

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Joined: 20 Feb 2006
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Posted: 03-29-07 10:48am


Is the relationship going well? Sometimes if there are problems, even small ones in the relationship it can spill over into the bedroom! Also, sometimes people just have periods where they don't feel like sex - would maybe going to a hotel for a weekend or something bring the 'spark' back? The first thing I suggest is talking to him though, just explain how you're feeling

oh_mommy

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Joined: 04 Sep 2005
Posts: 3683
Location: vancouver island, bc canada

Posted: 03-29-07 13:01pm


sounds like me. i want to enjoy it like i use to. i still love him its just im never in the mood.. i thought maybe it was because of the baby, but even if hes with his grandparents i still dont feel like it.. maybe try going out for a nice romantic night on the town?

Llewellyn

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Joined: 21 Jan 2007
Posts: 1743
Location: NY

Posted: 03-29-07 13:30pm


That does not sound abnormal to me. I go through periods of time where I want it a lot and periods where I never want. Those periods may be short, or they may last quite some time. I typically want a lot of sex in the beginning of the relationship, then I taper off quite a bit once that "newness" is gone. Everyone is different.

Lion79

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 245
Location: Sunderland, UK

Posted: 03-29-07 17:13pm


We both love each other and we have had some problems, a particularly big one last year, and maybe that has affected it. The thing is, sex is always painful for me and this has probably put me off sex. I've never really liked him touching me though, and I don't know why. We're about to go through counselling but I just want to know some reasons why it's happening. It's so frustrating, sex has never been really good for me. Has anyone had a similar problem, like with the pain and no interest? Has anyone been for any kind of therapy/counselling for a sexual problem? I just want to know what to expect, really.

Llewellyn

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Joined: 21 Jan 2007
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Location: NY

Posted: 03-29-07 17:50pm


Have you talked to your ob-gyn about the pain?

Lion79

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Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 245
Location: Sunderland, UK

Posted: 03-30-07 03:33am


Well I went to my GP had an examination and all that and tests showed I had no stds or anything and he gave me pills to 'relax' me but they didn't seem to work. After that he referred me to a counsellor because it was a psychological spasming of the muscles (vaginismus) and that's where I'm up to now but I don't know what to expect, I just REALLY want all of this sorted!

Llewellyn

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Joined: 21 Jan 2007
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Location: NY

Posted: 03-30-07 11:47am


I have never had it, so I can't tell you too much about the treatment. Here is some information from the internet though. You might have already seen this, but if not, you can take a look for a quick overview of what kind of things might go on during treatment. "Treatment: The treatment of vaginismus is usually a therapy program that includes vaginal dilation exercises using plastic dilators. It's important that the use of dilators proceeds in a systematic progression under the direction of a sex therapist and should actively involve the woman's sexual partner. The treatment include gradually more intimate contact eventually culminating in successful and pain free intercourse. Sex education is also very important to counter sexual naivety and dispel any misinformation which has been identified as a factor in 90% of vaginismus cases. This education should include information about sexual anatomy, physiology, the sexual response cycle, and common myths about sex. Psychotherapy and Counseling: See a qualified, licensed professional. Anyone can call themselves a sex therapist, so you want to find a qualified, empathetic psychologist or psychiatrist; one you trust. Try to get referred by your own physician or health care provider." http://www.coolnurse.com /vaginismus.htm "Treatment of Vaginismus A very thorough history needs to be performed. It is important to go back to childhood to uncover any potential traumas. If pelvic examinations are impossible, there are ways to increase the likelihood by using an Otoscope (a very small speculum) and moving slowly from head to toe looking in the ears, explaining what you are seeing, taking a very slow and methodical approach, explaining everything done in order to decrease anxiety. Another method is to start out with a very small speculum and slowly enlarge the size, which aids in dispelling anxiety and fear during the examination. A Benzodiazapine like Valium can be effective, or Xanax to decrease anxiety. Joint therapy is very important. Initially the woman may not want that, and one must respect her wishes and start out with individual therapy, slowing bringing in her husband, explaining to her the necessity of open communication. Anatomy needs to be discussed in detail, which also helps to reduce anxiety. Teaching the woman how to constrict her pelvic area is a very useful paradoxical approach. It is extremely helpful if a woman can tighten her pelvic area and hold this for 3-4 seconds, then relax (Kegel exercises). Doing this repetitiously is very helpful. One does not know what relaxation feels like unless they know what stress and tension feels like. This maneuver is highly effective. Vaginal dilators are very helpful, starting out very small and slowly increasing in size. Usually the woman is extremely surprised when the largest sized dilator is reached, and she sees she can place this in the vaginal vault without any pain or problems. This combined with anti-anxiety medication or muscle relaxants, is very effective." http ://www.peaceandhealing.com/sexual_health/v aginismus.asp

Lion79

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Joined: 29 Mar 2007
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Location: Sunderland, UK

Posted: 03-30-07 16:55pm


Wow, thanks for all that. At least I know what to expect now. Actually, I'm quite looking forward to it. We're going through the history bit at the moment, I've got one more week of it and then we start the treatment I can't wait. Hopefully, if this problem goes away, I will become more interested in sex and feel like I actually want to do it sometimes lol.

Llewellyn

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Joined: 21 Jan 2007
Posts: 1743
Location: NY

Posted: 03-30-07 19:07pm


That's great that you're looking forward too it. Attitude can make a huge difference with things like that. It sounds like treatment is usually pretty successful, so you have good reason to look forward to it!

*Vanessa*

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 21 Apr 2007
Posts: 111
Location: Australia

Posted: 04-23-07 21:55pm

bar of soap wrote:

Hello there
Have you ever enjoyed it ?
I ask this because if you have enjoyed it in the past and all of a sudden you don't maybe your heart and mind are not in the game. I know that if there is no feeling of affection for the person than sex can be not worth while and unpleasurable

Im sorry to hear other people with the same problem as me, i love my bf but my heart sank when i read this ^ i was full o n thinking for ages mayb i dont love him anymore, i have been having lots of troubles over feelings and emotions with my bf resently but hopfully over time i will get over it n love him how i used to when we started going out, when we were best friends and blinded by love

Lion79

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 245
Location: Sunderland, UK

Posted: 04-26-07 09:37am


Yeh well we were really into each other and I still love him now but I think the problem has affected my confidence and it reflects on him a bit, you know? I still love him loads but it just doesn't feel like we're in the same place as we were before. Anyway, we've started treatment now, I'm doing my kegels everyday lol so hopefully this is the first step.

justtryintogetprego

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Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 25
Location: boonies, USA

Posted: 04-26-07 09:44am


I also am going through this but b/c i have a tilted uterus. It always hurts during sex. At 1st i didnt mind it but now when ever my fiance goes to tuch me i pull away. The pain is just to much. I have been with him for 3 years. And i thought maybe i just didnt love him anymore but i soon learned that that was not the problem. Tell me how everything goes and if you get that "urge"again.

sunflower_20

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 17 May 2007
Posts: 1

Posted: 05-17-07 13:44pm


The thing is, sex is always painful for me and this has probably put me off sex. I've never really liked him touching me though, and I don't know why. We're about to go through counselling but I just want to know some reasons why it's happening. It's so frustrating, sex has never been really good for me. Has anyone had a similar problem, like with the pain and no interest? Has anyone been for any kind of therapy/counselling for a sexual problem? I just want to know what to expect, really. * * * * * I know exactly what you mean, I'm 20 years old and I first had sex at 16 with my boyfriend and it went on for about 1 year and I never really enjoyed it either, it was more something I did for him...than we broke up and I didnt have sex again till I was 19 when I started dating my current boyfriend. We try having sex and I really want to but it just doesn't feel good for me. I've asked my peers about it but all the reasons that they could think of why I wouldn't enjoy it don't apply to me: ex. sexually abused as a child, don't love him, been together too long, etc. I am really frustrated about this too and I read that your going to your doctor's to seek help and I think that's the right way to go...I haven't personally taken any action, I really don't know what to do but I definitely know how you feel...