Broken Hearted Forum - I Broke Her Heart!


I Broke Her Heart!

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greekjohn

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I Broke Her Heart! Posted: 04-03-07 15:26pm


Currently Im in grade 12. I met this girl in grade nine, so almost 4 years ago. We became really good friends. She moves after grade 10 and I loose contact with her (not really a big deal to me) So, so I become a member on FaceBook and guess who I stumble upon. Her profile. So we start talking again by writing on each others wall,msn, text messages and on the phone. So she opens up to me and tells me how she really feels. So somehow I end end up telling her I have similar feeling, but there is no physical attraction. So she asks me out on a date, so I agree cause you know she really likes me and I didnt want to hurt her by refusing so I figured you know I'll go out with her and then tell her its not going to work out. Now right now I'm going through this phase, and a relationship isnt the best thing for me. So we start talking yesterday and she asks me if there is any physical attraction, and I asked her if she wants me to tell her the honest truth, and she said yes. I told her there is just a tiny bit but I see her more as a friend, and thats all I can be just a friend. (This was on msn). The split second I told her that she signed out. Then around 10:30pm she right a note on FaceBook saying how stupid she was etc. She also send me a text message saying how I lead her on and how she thought I was different then other guys and that I'm not the only one with problems (which she doesn't know all of them and casn't really relate to some of the ones I have) aslo "you kinda push me away. Like I know you can't help who you like or don't like... but caca...you have the to be dumbest smart person I know." I basically broke her heart, now I feel bad but there was no chemistry there like what could I do. My emotions are basically messed up cause I've had alot of caca happen to me over the course of my life. Ohh yeah heres the note she wrote: "Okay, so tell me why I'm usually the most positive person towards other people and always give and give.. and I get no ounce of luck back in return? I feel like i'm shat on... and I really don't know why. I'm superr confused and pissed off right now. Okay, so i'm upfront.. no problem with that... but urgh I don't know... medical question it's like I have "please hurt me" written on my forehead!! I just can't handle all this crap anymore. I give up."

gobucks21

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Posted: 04-03-07 15:34pm


oh high school...so I suppose it wasn't that far in the past and I understand facebook. If I were you I would just let her be for a little bit of time. She even stated that she is confused. You did nothing wrong by only telling her that you wanted to be friends. Just give both of you a little time to cool off and take it from there.

greekjohn

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Posted: 04-03-07 15:45pm

gobucks21 wrote:

. You did nothing wrong by only telling her that you wanted to be friends. Just give both of you a little time to cool off and take it from there.

Exactly thats what I think. My buddie even told me to tell her how I feel so I don't lead her to think I want a relationship with her and that I want to be with her. I told her I hope we could still be friends but I dunno maybe after a little bit of time things could be cool between us.

Willa Weintraub

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Posted: 04-05-07 10:45am

greekjohn wrote:

gobucks21 wrote:

. You did nothing wrong by only telling her that you wanted to be friends. Just give both of you a little time to cool off and take it from there.

your looking at it from a mnas point ov view,you have to look at it from a womans.We think,if you go out on a date with us,there must be some sort of initial attraction there.I sure as hell wouldn't go out with someone that I thought/knew there would be nothing and thats what you did.so in a way you led her on by going on that date when you knew it wouldn't work in the first place but I am proud of you for telling her how you felt,at least sooner and not later.

sometimes,you have to hang out with someone to become attracted to them.Sometims a guy likes me for a while but I have to spend time with him in order for me to like him if he is not too attractive to me and let me tell you the one man I did,i loved him with all my heart! so you never know Wink

Makoto

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Posted: 04-05-07 18:09pm


So he led her on by dating her. [quote]I sure as hell wouldn't go out with someone that I thought/knew there would be nothing and thats what you did.so in a way you led her on by going on that date when you knew it wouldn't work in the first place[quote/] Then you say this[quote]sometimes,you have to hang out with someone to become attracted to them.Sometims a guy likes me for a while but I have to spend time with him in order for me to like him if he is not too attractive to me [quote/] So which is it??? Why the contradiction in advice here. But I will agree that it was nice of him to be honest with the girl. I also think he should not get too torn up over things. You can not take on her problems and your own. If she can not handle the rejection that is not your fault. You did it the best way you could, it would seem. Sure, you even gave her a chance and dated her. I would consider that a good thing on your part. You tried, but yep, like you thought, nadda. Many guys would not even give her a chance. Do not beat yourself up.

Willa Weintraub

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Posted: 04-06-07 08:01am

[quote="Makoto"]So he led her on by dating her.

[quote]I sure as hell wouldn't go out with someone that I thought/knew there would be nothing and thats what you did.so in a way you led her on by going on that date when you knew it wouldn't work in the first place[quote/]

Then you say this

Quote:

sometimes,you have to hang out with someone to become attracted to them.Sometims a guy likes me for a while but I have to spend time with him in order for me to like him if he is not too attractive to me [quote/]

So which is it??? Why the contradiction in advice here.

But I will agree that it was nice of him to be honest with the girl. I also think he should not get too torn up over things. You can not take on her problems and your own. If she can not handle the rejection that is not your fault. You did it the best way you could, it would seem. Sure, you even gave her a chance and dated her. I would consider that a good thing on your part. You tried, but yep, like you thought, nadda. Many guys would not even give her a chance. Do not beat yourself up.

i see what you mean and I should have clarified.I would not go out on a date with someone I was not attracted to *but* I would be their friend and hang out generally.people I date,I am friends with first no matter the situation.Just because I wont date them doesn't mean we can't hang out sometimes,right?it just sorta happens! and I agree not to get riled up over it and let her make you feel bad.it was kinda leading on to her but it was only one date and shew ill move on.

greekjohn

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Posted: 04-06-07 17:12pm


We never actually went out. Just somehow made arrangements to go out on a date to see the movie Redline which comes out on April 13/07

Willa Weintraub

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Posted: 04-09-07 09:41am

greekjohn wrote:

We never actually went out. Just somehow made arrangements to go out on a date to see the movie Redline which comes out on April 13/07

to a girl its still a date unless your going with other people as a group.

greekjohn

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Posted: 04-22-07 21:25pm


alright so now she;s getting her friend involved an im like getting lured into a corner like i dont know what to say

NWKC

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Posted: 04-22-07 22:07pm

~*~Melissa~*~ wrote:

greekjohn wrote:

gobucks21 wrote:

. You did nothing wrong by only telling her that you wanted to be friends. Just give both of you a little time to cool off and take it from there.

I'm afraid I have to agree with you. sorry tht I have to take sides with the girls, but melissa has a clear point; hit it right on the cue. I made a similar mistake like this twice before, and I will no longer take information from my guy friends about relationships...I'll leave that to my sisters and really well known female friends.

greekjohn

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Posted: 04-24-07 10:31am


Like I said my buddie told me to tell her how I truley feel, when she asked me. So I asked "her do you want the truth" and she tells me "yea" so I told her "I only see you as a friends" so I don't see that Iid anything wrong. Like its better that I toldher opposed to dating her and end up cheating on her cause theres no chemistry.

princessnae

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Okay to a Girl Posted: 04-25-07 01:38am


When you say do you want the truth.. that isn't the best way to start a topic like that. I think it actrually makes it hurt more like you were lying this whole time. And for the whole thing with her friends blah blah.. thats all b.s. don't let it get you down... have you tried just talking to her face to face and telling her that you value her friendship. Unfortunately if she liked or still likes you then shes basically mad and frustrated. If shes like me she internalized everything which makes it worse because then she blames herself. ecspecially if you said a little sexual but not really.. that probably made her feel unattractive. But at the same time.. its totally fine to have friends of the opposite sex and ask them to a movie. Because even if girls think that it is a date because its not a group thing its really not your fault if she felt hurt and lead on. And yea I've been there too where I thought there was more and there wasn't but guess what you get over it!!! She needs to. In my opinion the deliver of how you said it probably made it worse, for future reference leave out do you want the truth. Just say it, because i have had a conversation like that and it wasn't pretty either. i am not saying that you didn't do the right thing because you did being honest is the best policy. so... there may be no getting passed this unless she'll sit down with you and act mature about it (which it doesn't sound like she will). You seem like someone that actrally cares about not hurting other people so Good luck let me know how it goes. Feel free to pm me if you need any more help.

greekjohn

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Re: Okay to a Girl
Posted: 04-25-07 15:14pm

princessnae wrote:

When you say do you want the truth.. that isn't the best way to start a topic like that. I think it actrually makes it hurt more like you were lying this whole time. And for the whole thing with her friends blah blah.. thats all b.s. don't let it get you down...

have you tried just talking to her face to face and telling her that you value her friendship. Unfortunately if she liked or still likes you then shes basically mad and frustrated. If shes like me she internalized everything which makes it worse because then she blames herself. ecspecially if you said a little sexual but not really.. that probably made her feel unattractive.

But at the same time.. its totally fine to have friends of the opposite sex and ask them to a movie. Because even if girls think that it is a date because its not a group thing its really not your fault if she felt hurt and lead on. And yea I've been there too where I thought there was more and there wasn't but guess what you get over it!!! She needs to.

so... there may be no getting passed this unless she'll sit down with you and act mature about it (which it doesn't sound like she will).

You seem like someone that actrally cares about not hurting other people so Good luck let me know how it goes. Feel free to pm me if you need any more help.

Well it does tend to hert more but she asked me to be honest with her and I asked the truth so she kinda brought it on herself. Ive tried talking to her and she doesn't want to talk about it. Shr justs to talk about these scenarios. Basical like phone sex, but not just on the phone over msn and text messages. Like its sick basically. I'm getting emails saying how she wants to have sex with me, and how she was thinking about me in the shower. Its sick and perverted.
As for having friends of the oppsite sex I find that fine. One of my best friends is a girl and I'm glad that she my best friend. Its true I do care, I dont know why I do, but its just me.

beckums

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You Did Right Thing In the End Posted: 04-25-07 15:41pm


don't beat yourself up over it you did the right thing in the end, and i afraid it's a case of men are from mars women are from venus, when you asked her if she wanted the truth and her reply was yes she really wanted the nice truth! she may have hoped that as you got to know her your feelings may have changed. but you did the right thing by been honest she will see that once she has calmed down. she will be embarrased and hurt and that will take her time to get over it, but in time when she realises that what you did and said was for the best for you two then she will respect you and maybe one day thankyou for it. it's just a sad fact of life that we cant always have who we want and thats a fact she has properly just learnt for the first time. she will get over it and you maybe able to build a new friendship from it. good luck x

greekjohn

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Posted: 05-07-07 21:10pm


This girl doesn't stop. She's like my friend one minute then gets a friend involved to kinda sky on me and find out why I dont want to date her and then she gets pissed off at me for what I said. Its this never ending conspiracy.

pronetoillness

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Hm Posted: 07-17-07 14:32pm


i do the same thing all the time. We can't help who we do or don't like. It's best that you told her... instead of forcing yourself sick to be with her.. Maybe you're lonely and you just like to get close to someone, and you're also flirtatious.. and that's what's really going on? When in reality you don't want anything of that sort because you're not ready for it and you feel different sisterly vibes from her. i talk to a lot of guys, really like them at first. but i notice that once someone wants you reall bad... it just ends up not comfortable anymore for some reason.. and their dorkiness comes out.. and it makes you look at them in a diff friend/family light. Especially if you weren't ever really attracted to them in the first place. it happens. don't feel bad. I know you feel bad for acting the way you did .. but in honesty you really did feel it somewhat, so don't regret it.

dem_greeneyez

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Re: I Broke Her Heart!
Posted: 07-17-07 14:47pm

greekjohn wrote:

Currently Im in grade 12. I met this girl in grade nine, so almost 4 years ago. We became really good friends. She moves after grade 10 and I loose contact with her (not really a big deal to me) So, so I become a member on FaceBook and guess who I stumble upon. Her profile. So we start talking again by writing on each others wall,msn, text messages and on the phone. So she opens up to me and tells me how she really feels. So somehow I end end up telling her I have similar feeling, but there is no physical attraction. So she asks me out on a date, so I agree cause you know she really likes me and I didnt want to hurt her by refusing so I figured you know I'll go out with her and then tell her its not going to work out. Now right now I'm going through this phase, and a relationship isnt the best thing for me. So we start talking yesterday and she asks me if there is any physical attraction, and I asked her if she wants me to tell her the honest truth, and she said yes. I told her there is just a tiny bit but I see her more as a friend, and thats all I can be just a friend. (This was on msn). The split second I told her that she signed out. Then around 10:30pm she right a note on FaceBook saying how stupid she was etc. She also send me a text message saying how I lead her on and how she thought I was different then other guys and that I'm not the only one with problems (which she doesn't know all of them and casn't really relate to some of the ones I have) aslo "you kinda push me away. Like I know you can't help who you like or don't like... but health question...you have the to be dumbest smart person I know." I basically broke her heart, now I feel bad but there was no chemistry there like what could I do. My emotions are basically messed up cause I've had alot of health question happen to me over the course of my life.

Ohh yeah heres the note she wrote:

"Okay,
so tell me why I'm usually the most positive person towards other people and always give and give.. and I get no ounce of luck back in return?
I feel like i'm shat on...
and I really don't know why.
I'm superr confused and angered off right now.
Okay, so i'm upfront.. no problem with that...
but urgh I don't know...
whoops it's like I have "please hurt me" written on my forehead!!
I just can't handle all this crap anymore.
I give up."

you knew what you were doing - " didnt want to hurt her by refusing so I figured you know I'll go out with her and then tell her its not going to work out", minus out hurting her feelings. how in the world do you think it's better to lie to a person & waste their time (as well as yours) rather than being upfront with them? this is high school stuff. don't give yourself that much credit.. you didn't break the girls heart, but what you did was wrong.

if you aren't interested in the girl, let her know. don't show her different just to put "it" to an end later. there's no point in that.

greekjohn

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Re: I Broke Her Heart!
Posted: 07-22-07 21:44pm

pronetoillness wrote:

i do the same thing all the time. We can't help who we do or don't like. It's best that you told her... instead of forcing yourself sick to be with her.. Maybe you're lonely and you just like to get close to someone, and you're also flirtatious.. and that's what's really going on? When in reality you don't want anything of that sort because you're not ready for it and you feel different sisterly vibes from her.

i talk to a lot of guys, really like them at first. but i notice that once someone wants you reall bad... it just ends up not comfortable anymore for some reason.. and their dorkiness comes out.. and it makes you look at them in a diff friend/family light. Especially if you weren't ever really attracted to them in the first place.

it happens. don't feel bad. I know you feel bad for acting the way you did .. but in honesty you really did feel it somewhat, so don't regret it.
Very
Happy

I think its the best think that I told her. Honestly she's an attractive person, however she is over weight. Thats what makes her unattractive, to a lot of guys.
I live my life one day at a time, hating life. I am miserable. So what happened she came back into my life and made me feel good. She put that smile on my face. When I was ready for a relationship no one wanted a relationship, and when I was not ready everyone else was ready.
In grade 10 I was somewhat attracted to her. However I was more attracted to this Italian girl. I missed my chance with the Italian girl, she started dating this loser and now is drinking and smoking the green like she's a little kid in a candy store. Right now I was not attracted to this girl (the one that this thread regard), mentally I was attracted to her. But she was missing the rest of the package. If she was a bit less weight then maybe it would have worked out. But in the end I did not want to hurt her feelings. I knew if she were to have been with me that it would not have been a good thing in the end. If I were to be her bf and we were to break up I would not only lose my gf but my friend as well.

dem_greeneyez wrote:

In a way, your right. I did not want to hurt her by refusing. She wanted a date and to hang out. So I figured I would give her both. And tell her in the end that I don't think it would work out.

worrywart001

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Posted: 07-22-07 21:51pm


why are you going on a date with her to tell her this, dont go on the date with her and give her those impressions, just be straight forward with her...you can't help how you feel and yeah it hurts...and it sucks...bigtime, but one day she'll find another guy and she'll get over it...my freshman year of college I learned this the hard way, the guy lead me on all year..and it never amounted to ANY sort of relationship, he liked my company and he wanted to get laid(which,fyi he never got) but I can tell you, him leading me on and making me think that there was some chance for so long hurt way more than if he'd just cut it off from the beginning and told me it was never gonna happen...i dont know why i tried for so long, but...dont do that to her please...that guy played with my emotions WAY too much, and it was terrible

greekjohn

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Posted: 07-23-07 09:22am


Its been a few months now since this all happened, and now she has found this guy and is dating him