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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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You Know What?!
Posted: 04-03-07 20:36pm
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I am so tired of everyone asking me how I
am doing. I am so tired of people giving
me that puppy dog look and asking me if i
am handling evrything ok, asking me if i
need anything, how my life is going. I am
so tired of this. It's like i just wanna
yell at everyone, I have been doing this
alone for months now. I delivered by
myself, I have been taking care of my
child by myself, I have been making the
money on my own, that i need to make my
baby and i comfortable and live in a nice
home and drive a "ok" car. we live nicely
and i am so tired of everyone looking at
me like this. I am not needy and i dont'
want to appear that way. My daughter is
beautiful, i have done a wonderful job
(dont' mind ringing my own bell) I am just
tired of the questions because i dont'
know how to answer them anymore.
Ok that is all. thanks guys.
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AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006
Posts: 8064
Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 126
Thanked:8
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Posted: 04-03-07 20:41pm
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people in real life or on here?
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 04-03-07 20:48pm
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| AyaMiyaki
wrote: |
people in real life or on
here? |
No dear, In real life. Everyone keeps
asking how i am handling my husband's
death. I just guess i have always been
the one that will wait till someone wants
to talk before i'll ask them how they are
doing, i don't like rehashing painful
feelings. And that is what everyone is
doing everytime they ask me how i am
doing.
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AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006
Posts: 8064
Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 126
Thanked:8
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Posted: 04-03-07 21:02pm
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I'm sorry, hon. I would just be blunt with
them and say ".i'm not ready to talk about
it yet" and leave it at that. I know you
weren't asking for advice on how to handle
it, but that's what I would tell people.
And if they wouldn't shut up about it,
.i'd probably say something like "it's
hard to get over the pain when people
bring it up all the time" and make them
feel like a friend.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 04-03-07 21:25pm
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| AyaMiyaki
wrote: | | I'm sorry, hon. I would just
be blunt with them and say ".i'm not ready
to talk about it yet" and leave it at
that. I know you weren't asking for advice
on how to handle it, but that's what I
would tell people. And if they wouldn't
shut up about it, .i'd probably say
something like "it's hard to get over the pain when
people bring it up all the time" and make
them feel like a
friend. |
that is the point i am getting too. (and i am not like
that, but it's going to slip out of my
mouth soon.)
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 6594
Location: Planet Tampaxia,
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Posted: 04-04-07 03:38am
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I ended up with a standardised answer
after everything happened.
"I can't change the past, it happened.
Thanks"
Then just move away.
Most people only ask because they care.
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Posted: 04-04-07 07:42am
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or because they're nosey and/or take great
joy in other people's pain. Nevermind,
sorry, I'm projecting...
I don't ever discuss anything about my
personal life with coworkers. And if
anything happens in my life that I need to
inform my bosses about I tell them that I
like my private life to stay private and
ask them to keep the information to
themselves. If it were me I would just
tell them that I'm not comfortable
discussing my personal life.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 04-04-07 08:13am
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Yeah, my personal life is mine and mine
only to know, my coworkers know very
little, and my bosses know the Minimum
that needs to be known.
but like family and friends are really
getting to me. I find myself not calling
or going anywhere anymore becuase i hate
the questions. I am drama free, and when
people look at me like i am a hurt little
puppy dog all i can see is drama.
i hate
.D.R.A.M.A!!!
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007
Posts: 3399
Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
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Posted: 04-04-07 08:15am
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| Sunflower_pie81
wrote: | Yeah, my personal life is
mine and mine only to know, my coworkers
know very little, and my bosses know the
Minimum that needs to be known.
but like family and friends are really
getting to me. I find myself not calling
or going anywhere anymore becuase i hate
the questions. I am drama free, and when
people look at me like i am a hurt little
puppy dog all i can see is drama.
i hate
.D.R.A.M.A!!! |
sorry .gen! I think
everyone gave you some really good
suggestions! I would just say what aya
said and make them feel dumb.
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terpamber
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Posts: 430
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Posted: 04-04-07 08:35am
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Sorry girl I know it sucks, people are
always asking about Mark's cancer. Its ok
if they really want to know, but some are
just doing it becasue they don't know what
to say, and I don't know how to reply.
Like Kia I have a "standard answer" He's
had some tough times but we are making it
through thanks, then I change the
subject.
Grrrr stinkin' people
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007
Posts: 3399
Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
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Posted: 04-04-07 08:41am
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| terpamber
wrote: | | Sorry girl I know it sucks,
people are always asking about Mark's
cancer. |
why wuold you ask someone
that?!?!if you wanted to talk about it you
would,right?
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Posted: 04-04-07 08:47am
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because people never know what to say but
feel the need to say something when they
would have been better off not saying
anything at all...
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007
Posts: 3399
Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
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Posted: 04-04-07 08:54am
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| tigresacanela24
wrote: | | because people never know
what to say but feel the need to say
something when they would have been better
off not saying anything at
all... |
yeah,but how do you say
something? how are you dealing with
death?hows your husbands cancer thing
coming along?I just don't think people
think sometimes.I know some are worried
and care for the other person but you have
to think if you were in there position,ya
know?i'm not bashing everyone cause I know
some have good intentions.
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Emma2
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2006
Posts: 4406
Location: Montreal, Canada
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 04-04-07 09:22am
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I guess people htink by not asking its
rude but sometimes just acting like life
is normal actually makes it that more
normal.
I know how you feel about the questions. I
live through it everyday.
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mc4ever02
Supporter
Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 3636
Location: Orlando, FL Usa
Thanks: 5
Thanked:2
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Posted: 04-04-07 09:45am
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Is asking if you can help with anything
rude?
I never really thought about it being
rude. A good friend of mine is a
(recently) single mom. She is young and on
her own. I am very proud of her for being
strong. But I ask her frequently if there
is anything that I can do to help her out.
I offer to watch the baby for the day or
the night just to give her a break. I
probably watch her 3-4 day/nights a month.
I only offer because I know that she would
never ask. I don't offer out of pity
though. I love her little girl to pieces
and I understand that she would probably
lose her mind if she never got a moment to
herself. I am in a position to help her
with that and never thought of it as
coming across as rude or pity. Now I feel
bad.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 04-04-07 10:15am
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I don't think it rude, I just hate it when
people make hollow offers. Oh hun, i'll
watch your baby anytime you need me to,
whenever you need a break, just let me
know......but when i let them know....oh
well i have stuff planned. and it's not
just once, it's everytime i ask...or they
even back out on me at the last min...it's
just wrong!!!
and then people ask me if I need money,
ummm does it look like I need money? No!!
i make really good money for being my age
and no college. yeah, we lived a great
lifestyle when we both had our incomes,
and it was really cushy, and most likely
still would be. But you know what? He is
gone...I cant' even press for C/S if i
wanted too.
And just for the record, no i am not ok!
No, i am not dealing/handling this very
well, on the outside yes i am handling
this great. but on the inside i am not so
well....but i am doing the best i can.
It's not something that can be fixed in
just a few months. The love and the
feelings don't dissapear....yeah i dated
someone for a few months...but i knew in
the long run it wouldnt' last because i am
not over my husband.
but ok, enough of this.....I am ok, i am
strong. Yes i loved him and i miss him a
lot. but his death can't be changed. all
i have left is the memory of him. I love
him dearly...but people need to understand
that asking every day of my life if i am
ok just need to stop. (and not my
e-health friends. yall are cool)
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musikmaker
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 1743
Location: Chicago, US
Thanks: 6
Thanked:2
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Posted: 04-04-07 11:41am
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When my dad died I got sick of people
asking me how I was doing. I got sick of
all the food being dropped off and all the
cards coming in. The worse thing was when
I really started grieving around 3 years
later no one was around. They all thought
that I was fine.
I didn't handle grief that well either. In
fact I was a mess! I am starting to become
a mess again because in 2 days it will be
9 years since he passed. And yes, even
though it was that long ago I still cry
whenever I think about all of our good
times together but I have learned to
cherish them too.
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