Have you ever abused another person physically or sexually?
yes - sexually
0%
[ 0 ]
no - sexually
50%
[ 1 ]
I don't remember
0%
[ 0 ]
yes - physically
50%
[ 1 ]
no - physically
0%
[ 0 ]
Total Votes : 2
Author
Message
pacconltd
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2007 Posts: 6 Location: Hawaii
Curious Question Posted: 04-03-07 21:26pm
If a person has been the perpetrator of
abuse, has completely reformed and
"seeking forgiveness" etc. would only
serve to assuage his or her soul (and
would cause extreme pain and relationship
problems in the abused but recovered
persons) - how does that person move
beyond continuial mental recrimination?
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change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
Posted: 04-05-07 06:23am
i wish i had an answer. maybe someone can
help the two of us. i am a recovering and
repenting abuser(verbal). i live with my
wife, while we decide what's happening
with our relationship. all though it's
been 3 mo.'s since i've been abusive, i
constantly have to pay for all the
damages. reminders are everywhere.
especially on t.v. at most times i feel
like she will never forgive and forget. no
matter how long it's been. she's even
cheated and blamed me for it. i get blamed
for everything. if you ever find out the
answer to your question feel free to pass
it on. thanks
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 04-05-07 20:53pm
I think it is possible to forgive your
abuser, but I don't think she'll ever
forget about it. It's what keeps you
strong and hopefully safe. My ex started
being an emotional abuser, saying I was no
good, and I didn't deserve him. blah,
blah, blah. When he didn't get a response
out of me for the nasty things he would
say, he upped the ante and started being
physically abusive. Then when I started
defending myself and broke his nose with a
right hook he then moved to sexual abuse.
I thank .God every day that I am no longer
involved with that mess. Up until the
sexual abuse I forgave him for his
shortcomings, though I never forgot about
it.
The man I'm with now, is so gentle and
kind. I feel so lucky to have broken free
from the abuse. Even though he would
never hurt me, if he is upset about
something it automatically puts me on high
alert and makes me defensive. I don't
think I'll ever be able to be around loud
noises and yelling without having an
anxiety attack.
I don't think it's right for a person to
stay with you and then blame you for
her/his cheating. It's a guilt trip.
Good job with not being abusive anymore.
I'm sure somedays it's a struggle. I hope
you stick with it.
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change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
Posted: 04-06-07 06:03am
thanks. for the most part it's easy. some
days it's hard. now that my eyes are open
to what i did it's easier to try and not
be that way. i know i've caused alot of
pain, and i don't want to repeat it ever
again.
