I think that I have the in-laws from hell.
We have had a few fights or discussions
about them being to much in our business
to put it lightly. They keep telling
people lies about my husband and our
relationship. They tell people we owe
them money and we don't if anything they
owe us the money but whatever. The last
lie that really broke the camels back was
that they told everyone going to our last
family reunion that my husband and I were
in marriage counselling and on the verge
of divorce. Which is not true what so
ever. My husband wants to satisfy me as
his wife but at the same time he doesn't
want to cut out his parents which I
understand but I don't want people around
me that don't treat me with respect and
treat my family with respect. They are
upset with me for taking away their son by
marriage.
My biggest concern is that my 11 Month old
Jaylee is not seeing her Grand-Parents due
to me because I don't believe in their
(in-laws) values and beliefs. Jaylee has
a wonderful relationship with my Mom &
Step Dad and my Dad so should that be
enough or should I go out of my way to let
my daughter see the In-Laws. My husband
Ryan still has a relationship with his
parents they just don't call the house or
come and visit. They only talk to Ryan on
his cell phone.
Jaylee has only seen them 3 times since
she was born.
P.S. They have done a lot more to our
relationship it is just to much to put on
a note.
|
meggan
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Nov 2005 Posts: 490 Location: westchester
Posted: 04-04-07 02:13am
girl that really is a horrible situation..
but heres the thing! THEY ARE STILL
FAMILY!
You dont have to get along with them or
like them but maybe once in a while you
should take the time to allow them in your
baby's life.. BUT make it STRICTLY just
the grandparents and your baby! if
anything! if your husband thinks that they
shouldnt see that baby then that benefits
everyone..
im in a tough spot too! My hubby's fam is
kinda well ill use the term trailer trash.
They smoke on top of everyone even if you
ask them not too, that his aunts and
grandma but his mom is an alchoholic who
doesnt take care of herself and lives with
a child malester! so i feel ya on the
comfort level!
i have come to an agreement with don that
once in a while would be suitable and to
do it on terms that everyone agrees with.
us at a hotel and absolutely no smoking
and they could go to the park or hotel to
see him etc....
so maybe you and your hubby and his
parents can come to some type of agreement
that way they arent involved in your life.
they are involved in your baby's life..
talk to you hubby! see if he has any wants
or suggestion!
hope any of this helps.. but please do
whats in your heart and chat with your
husband that is the best you can do! i
wish you luck and hope things get better.
maybe they will loosen up
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 5041 Location: to hell with this crap
Posted: 04-04-07 08:09am
My daughter will never see my
inlaws......well his mom and step dad.
There is no way in hell. They tried to
take her from me, they have called hrs or
family services, whatever you guys call
them...they have tried to get visitation
and worse. their values are way off and
they are not honerable people at all. my
daughter doesnt' need the drama.
I don't blame you for not letting her see
them. She is better off not seeing them
if they are going to be that way. Not
until they straighten up then no .Jaylee,
your husband can see them whenever he
wants but his family comes first. i say
cut the drama out. it's better for you
and your daughter.
|
*star*
Supporter
Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 1807 Location: ,
Thanks: 22
Thanked:24
Posted: 04-04-07 10:01am
Sunflower_pie81
wrote:
I don't blame you for not letting her see
them. She is better off not seeing them
if they are going to be that way. Not
until they straighten up then no .Jaylee,
your husband can see them whenever he
wants but his family comes first. i say
cut the drama out. it's better for you
and your
daughter.
I totally agree with you. But I also
disagree. I will explain.
I have seen this first hand with my
brother and his wife and my mother. My
sil feels that my mom interferes to much
in their lives and tries to tell her how
to raise their daughter. She got in such
a tissy that she was using my niece as a
pawn to try to get her way (get my brother
to believe all the BS that she was saying
about my mom). She refused to let her see
my niece and told her that she didn't know
how to handle her. Even though she had
already raised 2 kids and litterally
raised my niece since she was 8 months
old. They had no money and she had no
parenting skills to raise a child so they
lived with my mom. Long story short, my
mom was torn to pieces that she couldn't
see her grandaugter. My mom has done
nothing but help them and they kick her in
the face because they feel inferior to
what my mom is able to provide for them.
I think that in this situation it was
wrong to keep the child from the
grandparents. They may not understand
now, but when they get older they will
want to know why they weren't allowed to
see their grandparents.
On the other hand, I have a friend who is
going through the same thing as you
sunflower... She has her baby's
grandparents that try everything to make
her look like a bad mother and try to get
the baby from her all the time. They are
complete trailer trash and are constantly
trying to get her in trouble. The father
of the baby doesn't even want anything to
do with the kid, it's just his parents.
They smoke in the trailer, not just
cigarettes. They also drink a lot, and
personally I think they are doing other
hard drugs but can't prove it. Why would
she want her child to go into that type of
environment.
In this case, there is no reason in the
world that it should be mandatory that the
grandparents see the child.
If your in-laws decide that they want to
straighten up their lives and act like
real adults, then maybe you would let them
see your daughter. Otherwise I would let
your husband do the visiting with them and
leave you out of it. If they really
wanted to see the baby, they would make an
extreme effort to make that happen.
Good luck - it is always a sticky
situation with in-laws
My husband and I have had numerous talks
about his parents. The conclusion that we
have come up with is that they only have
contact with him as per the cell phone. I
am ok with that, but it seems that the
times that we do have to speak to each
other or see each other is the time that
something new comes about. We have a
family wedding to go to in July so that
will be the next time we have to see each
other face to face. I am already stressed
out about the vist to come in July because
I have lost all trust in them to just show
up and be respectful.
Thanks for the advise it is nice to see
others wanting to give advice and to see
that I am not the only one with this
situation.
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005 Posts: 5261 Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
Posted: 04-04-07 12:00pm
Doesn't it suck that when you marry
someone their relatives are part of the
package deal? If I had known as much as I
know now about dh's family I can honestly
say that I probably wouldn't have married
him. I hate those people with a passion,
they are liars, sneaks, thieves,
irresponsible, etc... (I could go on for
days but it really isn't worth the effort
and it will get me all hyped up for no
good reason). The only one that's a
decent person is my sil. She has for the
most part cut her relatives off, she moved
to the opposite end of the country. While
I may not be able to do that right now, I
have definitely followed her example by
acting like my inlaws don't exist. After
an insane visit in January the wisdom in
this became startlingly clear. My husband
talks to them only when I'm not home.
They do not see my son and they will not
see him in person ever again if I can help
it.
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candita_sky
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 02 May 2006 Posts: 522 Location: in the land of pooh bear
Posted: 04-04-07 17:22pm
i feel for you my wicked witch of the west
mil putting it nicely hasnt seen my kids
for over 4 years now because she was lying
up her ass about me to my dh and to anyone
else that would listen well she finally
got caught up in the lies hahaha and she
moved away to Georgia ( poor state) and my
marriage couldnt be better now that she is
gone. my kids dont even remember her and
are better off that way my dh agrees.
besides they still have my side of the
family with good values to instill them
with . i do hope that it does get better
for you tho hun. my thoughts are with you.
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Dannzibelle
Supporter
Joined: 23 Oct 2006 Posts: 3811 Location: South East, England
Thanks: 30
Thanked:11
Posted: 04-05-07 15:06pm
If only you could meet a guy and not take
on his family too eh! I'm still in two
minds whether to let .Mika see .Dom's
parents, they don't deserve to see her but
i don't want to stop her from seeing them
aslong as i'm there but his mum refuses to
ever see .Mika if i'm there
I will never leave Jaylee with Ryan's
parents. I am always their. Rita my
mother-in-law wanted to bath Jaylee and
change her pants the last time we were at
their house (new years) and I was like NO
that's ok I can handle it. I only do it
on a daily basis I think I will be ok. I
hate how she thinks that she has the right
to tell me what to do and how to do it. I
have raised my daughter for 11 months now
and she is healthy and happy so I think I
am doing just fine on my own.
Maybe when Jaylee is old enough to tell me
that she wants to go and see them and when
she can tell me what is going on then
MAYBE I will let Jaylee go stay for the
weekend. (We live 3-4hours away from our
in-laws)
