Not Doing So Well Tonight!!! Posted: 04-05-07 21:13pm
So I know that I should be totally excited
and overjoyed, but I am just not feeling
like that right now. The reason I should
be excited is that my sister in law just
gave birth to my second niece yesterday,
and I went to see her today. I loved
every minute of it, and all I wanted to do
was sit there and hold her. I am so
excited to be an auntie again, but I just
want to me a mommy also. I just want it
so bad it really hurts. I know that I
shouldn't feel like this, but frankly I am
really jealous right now that they are
experiencing all this joy and happiness
bringing a new life into this world and I
have to sit back and hope that someday
.God will bless me and give me the joy
that they have right now.
I don't know why I am being so emotional
right now. Usually I don't get like this
until it's time for af. I just stopped
last Saturday, so I have no reason in the
world to be this upset about it.
I feel bad, because for the past 3 days dh
has been asking if I'm ok because he
thinks I have been acting weird. I say
I'm fine because I guess it's hard to get
it out in words how I really feel. I know
he knows that I was upset today because I
saw my niece and he knows how much I want
to have a baby. But I feel bad, because
obviously my moods are showing and I
thought I was doing a pretty good job of
hiding my feelings. apparently not!!! I
have been in such a slump lately. Ever
since I got back from a weekend away, I
haven't felt like doing anything. I
haven't even unpacked my bag from the
trip. My house is a mess, I don't feel
like cleaning, sweeping the floors, doing
the dishes, feeding the dog. Dh has been
wonderful and has stepped in to do all
these things, but I am beginning to feel
bad for the way I have been acting. I
never get depressed like this and I don't
know why this is all of the sudden
overwhelming me.
I just don't understand why I am not able
to have a baby and everyone else I know
doesn't have a problem getting pregnant.
I posted a couple days ago about a girl
that is on her 7th abortion!!! It's
just not fair that people like that can
get pregnant so easy and then kill the
baby and I can't even get pregnant with
one child! WHy does that happen???
Sorry you guys, I just had to vent. I
have been so upset ever since I left the
hospital today. Thanks you guys for
listening to my rants.
|
negar
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 278 Location: san francisco
I Understand Posted: 04-05-07 23:46pm
Hi Star,
I completely understand how you feel.
know that you are not alone and it's ok to
feel this way. I am sending you a vitual
hug honey. It truly is so sad how much in
unfair in this world. I sometimes feel
like less of a woman!!!
My husband and I were out with this
wonderful couple last night. She is one
of my oldest friends. Sweet sweet girl
and she is 7 months with her first child.
Driving home after dinner, I was crying in
the car. I too really want to be a mom.
We all deserve it.
I keep telling myself there is a reason
for everything in this world and although
I have had to remind myself of that more
lately, but I am working on putting my
faith in god.
What we need to do is to focus our
attention on something else as much as
possible. So hard to do, I know... I am
now starting my 2ww, and already feeling
depressed, cause I know it will not happen
again. I am 35 and don't have much more
time...
We are going to my brother's this sunday
and he has two beautiful girls, and they
are pregnant on the third. he is 5 years
yonger than I...
After 2 m/c, I don't even know if I can
keep a pregnancy, If I do make it...
Anyways, Star you are not alone. I am
here feeling your pain all the way. I am
so sorry that it hurts.
Think of beautiful things and you must
believe. that is all we can do.
hugs...and baby dust
|
mc4ever02
Supporter
Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 3636 Location: Orlando, FL Usa
Thanks: 5
Thanked:2
Posted: 04-06-07 08:35am
I'm sorry I wasn't here for you last
night. I hope this morning finds you
feeling better.
I truely understand how you feel. A very
good "couple freinds" of ours just had
thier little girl (Britian) last night.
She had a c-section, that is all we know
right now, they're exhaused. Anyways, we
will be going to see them tomorrow. I
should be excited for them. Instead, I
don't even want to go. I am very aware of
all the feelings that it will stir up and
I am trying to avoid it all together. (I'm
some friend huh?)Any ways, They did not
plan this pregnancy. They were in a very
on agian off agian situation. When they
found out they were not even sure they
were going to continue the pregnancy or
not. Don't get me wrong, they will be
wonderful parents they are both 27. I am
just so jealous whenever I am around them.
I just feel like they are so blessed to
have this little girl that I desperatly
want, and they went around talking the
whole time like it was a curse.
Anyways, you mentioned how you weren't
doing a good job hiding your feelings. You
sould not be hiding your feeling!
Especially for your dh. You should be
supporting each other right now, and
comuniction is key during this. I'm sure
that he would be their for you with a
shoulder to cry on if he knew how you were
feeling. You never know, he may feel the
same way and doesn't want to upset you
because you are handling things so well.
~Bigs hugs~
|
wantingajr
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2007 Posts: 169 Location: ,
I Completly Understand. Posted: 04-06-07 08:46am
The reason I understand you is because I
am there. But you have to take your mind
off. Only God can do something about that,
and if you have faith it will happen to
you sooner than later. Everything you
feel, I am feeling right now. One of my
closest friends and co worker is pregnant
with her 4th baby. She already has 3. And
the youngest is going to be a yr old and
she is about to be 5 months preg...Can you
imagine how I feel, having to listen to
her that baby moved and stuff again. You
just have to make yourself strong and try
to be positive. I know is hard but you
have to at least try. Dont stress so much
cause sometimes that has something to with
it. Believe me i was getting so stressed
out that i wanted to scream and pull my
hair out, thats when i came to realize
that something was wrong and that i could
not let this control my life. I really
wish all of us would get out bundle of joy
but is not always just wishing for it. I
hope you get bfp really really soon, just
be patient!!!
***Super baby dust***
|
*star*
Moderator
Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 1807 Location: ,
Thanks: 22
Thanked:24
Posted: 04-06-07 09:11am
Thanks girls for your encouragement. I am
doing better this morning. I have the
whole day to myself and I am going to
clean my house and then go shopping amd
try to get some new tires for my car. So
I think that will help take my mind off of
things. It is nice to know that I'm not
the only one that can feel that way. I
was starting to feel horrible for feeling
like that.
I know that I just need to put my faith in
.God and leave it in his hands. I know
deep down that that is all I can do and in
the end, he is the maker of new life and
it is up to him when it will happen. I
just keep trying to take it back from him
and try to take it into my own and it just
doesn't work that way and I know that.
I know that I shouldn't be hiding my
feelings... I didn't really mean it like
that. I just ment that if I am feeling
down dh can tell in an instant when
something is bothering me. I have a
tendency to be prideful and say "notinings
wrong, I'm ok" I do need to work on that.
I just feel like he will get tired of
hearing me say the same thing. I think
this 3 month break is going to be harder
than I thought because every month I know
for a fact there will be no baby.
I need to find something to really take my
mind off of this stuf.
Thanks again girls - I love being able to
come on here with any problem and be
allowed to just vent.
***HUGS****
|
mc4ever02
Supporter
Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 3636 Location: Orlando, FL Usa
Thanks: 5
Thanked:2
Posted: 04-06-07 09:47am
I'm glad your feeling alittle better. It
sounds like you have a fun day planned.
Are you planning on buying anything good?
Or just the necessities? Nothing make me
feel better that a new outfit that makes
me look 10 lbs thinner
|
shortgeek
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Posts: 597 Location: DC
Posted: 04-07-07 08:36am
I know how you feel. I envy anyone who
gets pregnant. I even envy the friend who
just got pregnant even though they have
been trying longer than us.
Here are some thoughts to get your mind
off of it: look through your local adult
education or parks and recreation catalog.
Find a class on a topic that you always
wanted to know more about. It could be
photography, painting, cooking, Spanish or
anything that appeals to you and fits into
your schedule. Make sure it is a low
pressure class where you learn as much as
you want to without pressure to "perform".
It also makes it fun and interesting if
it is something you can apply to your
everyday life.
For example, I'm the type of person who
never thought I'd ever take a cooking
class, but I have. I make the things I
learned in class for my dh or when we have
friends come over.
good luck.
|
*star*
Moderator
Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 1807 Location: ,
Thanks: 22
Thanked:24
Posted: 04-09-07 08:12am
mc4ever02
wrote:
I'm glad your feeling
alittle better. It sounds like you have a
fun day planned. Are you planning on
buying anything good? Or just the
necessities? Nothing make me feel better
that a new outfit that makes me look 10
lbs thinner
Unfortunately I spent most of the day
cleaning my house. It had not been
cleaned properly in 3 weeks because we
have had so much going on and we were out
of town. I did go to Walmart and then to
a clothing shop and bought like 6 summer
shirts that were on sale. So that did
make me feel better.
shortgeek
wrote:
For example, I'm the type of
person who never thought I'd ever take a
cooking class, but I have. I make the
things I learned in class for my dh or
when we have friends come over.
That's actually a really good idea. I
have always wanted to take a cooking
class. My mom thinks that I never cook
for dh, but I do, it's just not that
exciting. We have the standard meals most
of the time. The ones that are easy and I
don't need a recipe. Maybe I can outdo
myself and make my mama proud!!!
|
MrsLtd
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Mar 2007 Posts: 156 Location: Michigan
Posted: 04-09-07 11:01am
I feel the same way. I am the youngest of
8 siblings, and the only one without kids.
My dad is 72 (I am 29) and he always
tells me how bad he wants me to have a
baby (no pressure ) I have 24
nieces and nephews, and 3 great nieces.
Family functions are painful. I always
feel left out or like there is something
wrong with me. I try to pretend it
doesn't bother me, and make light of the
situation, but how many times can I say
"We are having fun trying" with a smile.
No one knows how bad it feels some months.
Plus, I just found out last month that my
step-mothers 3 girls are all pregnant
right now, one due in Oct. one in Dec, and
one in Jan. That was the limit for me.
But, we push on. We have to. Our future
babies are depending on us! Good luck to
everyone, our time will come.
|
DPrssd
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Dec 2006 Posts: 278 Location: Vancouver, BC
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Posted: 04-09-07 16:07pm
Hi *Star*
I hope you are having a better week. I was
down in the dumps with you too. I also
found out another friend is pregnant on
the weekend. I stopped counting at 23 (but
I think it's somewhere around 28
friends/family/co-workers now that have
gotten pregnant since we started ttc in
July 05). So trust me...I know how you
feel. I'm happy for my friends, but it's a
constant reminder of how much of a failure
I am at this. I know I was born to be a
mother, and each month that I'm not, I
feel so sad. Soooo sad and scared that I
might not ever be a mom.
I have to take this month off because dh
is going to be away durning o. So
hopefully I can get it together, and find
my inner strength again as it just
dissapeared.
We need to stick together to keep each
other encouraged. I think it's such a
let-down to us because all of our lives
we've been told to be so careful and not
to get pregnant out of wedlock etc....so
we're led to believe it would be such a
simple journey to conceive, when in fact
the truth is, ttc is not easy. It's
actually hard. So if I can wrap my head
around that somehow, it might make this a
little easier.
) I have 24
nieces and nephews, and 3 great nieces.
Family functions are painful. I always
feel left out or like there is something
wrong with me. I try to pretend it
doesn't bother me, and make light of the
situation, but how many times can I say
"We are having fun trying" with a smile.
No one knows how bad it feels some months.
Plus, I just found out last month that my
step-mothers 3 girls are all pregnant
right now, one due in Oct. one in Dec, and
one in Jan. That was the limit for me.
