I dont know who I am, I am here, why my
life is the way it is, why I feel that I
dont belong, why I feel that me being here
is an imposition, and what am I am doing
here and whats wrong with me. There is
one thing in fact I could tell you. I can
tell you who I'm not. I'm not an
athlete, a braniak nor one of those guys
that girls drool over. If you ask anyone
from my school they would tell you "ohh
that John, he's a grade 12 student" and
thats pretty much it.
My life started almost 18 years ago
(December21,1989), and from the moment
that I was born there was something wrong
with me. My skin was a yellowish color.
The doctors said I might have some sort of
liver problem or something like that which
causes the skin to turn a yellowish
color. The next few years of my life are
mostly a blur, but there are a few things
I can remember. The one being me sitting
in my stroller and going down the escaltor
ramp inside Wal-Mart and I'm almost at the
ground floor. The second me running to the
front door right when my parents are
walking in fromwork (Time would be around
5:30-6pm) and there are really really
happyto see me. I can remember my brother
being the age to talk and we would
exchange a few words. I can also remeber
getting yelled at by my mother which
continued on and still does.
Kindergarden starts junior kindergarden
starts I dont remember much, much I
remember my aunt picking me up from
school. Now senior kindergarden starts
and I'm put in this horrible class which I
didn't want to go to school. I missed
homeand cried all morning long. Grade 1
came and I remember just being all alone
for a while. No friends no nothing just
walking around the play ground waiting for
the 15 minute recess to end. We used to
have these little cubbies. Thats where I
met my first friend. I used to have
"Power Ranger" high top shoes which my
aunt bought for me. I remember that they
were the coolest pairs of shoes and I
didn't want anyone looking at them or even
comming near them. I also used to go to
ESL and would have to call a few people
from other classes to come up to the
class. Now that I had a new friend I made
a few more and those 15 minute recess'
were actually fun. I was also lucky that
my friend lived across the street from me
around the corner and he also went home
for lunch and we would walk together.
Grade 2 came and it started off really
well but then I started getting bullied.
My friends stopped playing with me. My
best friend would go off and talk to this
other of his (about Nintendo) and leave me
alone. Those recess' which I would just
walk around by myself for the entire
duration came once again. Grade 3 rolled
by with me starting off pretty good and
happy having a good time and then I
started getting in trouble and getting
attention from my parents and as bad as it
was I think I liked it. Grade 4-5 was
great I actually liked it and then Grade 6
was pretty good uncept my best friend
moved away but everytime he was down in my
area (cause he used to live with his
grandparents and now he's back cause his
parents split up) we would hang out.
Middle school (grades 7-
came and I hated
it. In my 2 years there everyone in my
class were haters. They didnt like me or
anything I was basically the black sheep
in the herd. And high school now, pffft
its crap. I hate every day of it.
My brother and sister. They seem to get
more attention from my parents then me.
They never got yelled at, they did but not
as much as me. I've been hit by my mom.
I've basically been hated on by alot of
people.
Like I said before I dont know who I am, I
am here, why my life is the way it is, why
I feel that I dont belong, why I feel that
me being here is an imposition, and what
am I am doing here and whats wrong with
me. There is one thing in fact I could
tell you. I can tell you who I'm not.
I'm not an athlete, a braniak nor one of
those guys that girls drool over. I have
no clue who I am, I'm basically not
allowed to think for my self, make my own
decisions for anything (career wise,
schooling/education etc). I dont know why
I am here becasue I feel that I am not
wanted and that I dont belong. I
basically feel like Hercules from Disneys
Herculues movie, feels before he become
the hero. Not belonging and feeling like
an outsider. I feel that there is no room
for me here in Toronto and that I need to
go far far away where I'm not known by
anyone. Why is my life this way, I dot
know, I've done nothing wrong and yet
again I'm paying all these consequences
for reason.
Basically theres alot more but I tend to
miss things, I will add more later one as
I remember them.
