Hi
Im new to this site so dont really know
where to begin. Im a 20 something single
mother who has been seriously depressed
for a number of years. I was engaged to
be married and my partner left after our
child was born. I have raised my child on
my own for the last 7 years and am so
desperatly lonely its killing me. I cant
speak to anyone about it as I have put on
a brave face for friends and family all
along and they never believe what Im
telling them how I feel. Since my partner
left I have had few relationships which
have all ended badly to the extent that I
no longer trust men at all. I am seeing a
wonderful man at the moment but want to
finish with him as I dont feel I deserve
him and want to get in there before I get
hurt again.
Im so screwed up its scary. I look in the
mirror and where I used to see a kinda
cute, vibrant young woman I now see a fat,
ugly, useless woman who no-one could ever
really love. Every man I have ever been
it is almost like I was a stop gap - when
they finished the relationship they say
they arent ready for commitment and they
have all gotten married within a few
months of us splitting up which just
lowers my self asteem even further and
makes me wonder what the hell is wrong
with me!?! I never show how low I feel
around anyone and everyone thinks Im a
bubbly happy person so its not because im
a miserable person to be around. I
started cutting myself about a year ago
which no-one knows about as I hide it
well. I went to the doctor for help and
they just tried to pump me full of pills.
Dont get me wrong, im not so bad that I
cant look after my child, I would do
anything for him and we have an amazing
relationship which I try to concentrate on
when I get really low.
I suppose all I really want to get from
this is the realisation that I am not
weird and not alone in how I feel.
|
Vesalius
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Apr 2007 Posts: 3
Hi Posted: 04-09-07 17:01pm
I can surely understand where you are
coming from, although my circumstances
differ I have had feelings of loneliness
and even the closest of people are unable
to comfort me. The reason, I am not sure.
Is it because I want to appear strong and
worthy of a good relationship. You are not
alone, I can assure you of that. You are a
great woman having dealt the bad hand or
two and the fear of being given pills is
understandable. However, you must realise
that cutting yourself is not the answer,
furthermore you are etching scars which
will be a constant reminder of your
CURRENT mood. I will not preach that you
need to seek medical advice or prescribe
onto a course of anti depressants, however
you need to seek comfort in the man you
describe as being ideal for you. You
deserve all you get and you need to start
re-building day by day your confidence. If
it a change in haircut or deciding to
pursue an athletic activity. Please keep
me posted on your progress...
Your friend
Vesalius
|
Akkette
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Apr 2007 Posts: 50 Location: Australia
Posted: 04-15-07 07:31am
I know you want to seem strong for your
son however he would be able to sense
exactly how you feel. Kids are very
sensitive to feelings of their parents and
they know alot more that what you think
they do.
You definately do need to speak with
someone.
Speak with your partner. He is there for
you and use him as your rock. When i first
started dating my partner he knew i had
depression even before i told him. We like
to think people around us dont know but
its just that they may not say anything as
they dont know how to.
Remeber you are good enough. If your
partner loves you what more can you ask
for. Cherish them. Dont end something
because you are scared of getting hurt.
You may be throwing away the one thing
that can save you.
hey there, I was actually in the same
position as you just a little while ago. I
also acted bubbly around people, but
truley felt dead on the inside to the
point where it din't matter if I lived or
not. The one thing that you say about
looking in the mirror, is something that I
can totally relate to. I used to always be
proud of looking in the mirror, I always
saw that happy, glowing face that was
truely proud of himself, but when i was
depressed was almost afraid to look. For
me, it was the baggage under the eyes that
made me look so bad. I had huge purple
bags under my eyes, and every time that I
breathed, the bags seemed to get bigger..
it was the wierdest thing. like every time
I would breath my heart would clench, my
eyes would puff up and I would get deeper
into depression. I felt like my life was
being choked out of me. But you know what?
I am 100% free of all of that now. I got
so fed up with hearing people telling me
to take drugs or just see a counseler, I
looked for the real cure that would
actually fix the problem at the route. I
looked back to when the depression started
and noticed that I had gone through a very
emotional time.. a depressing time.. . For
a year after that experience, I felt the
same emotions .. like it was still
happening. So, with this theory I knew
that I had retianed negative emotions...
depressive emotions.. so I went to a
doctor that released emotions.. it's a
treatment called
negative emotional release ...... The
cause of my depression was that I had
retained the negative emotions that I had
experienced a year before. I asked around
to see how common this was...; and the
doctor told me that this is the cause of
depression in 75- 90% of the cases. When
you cannot process negative emotions
properly, they get retained in the
sub-concious mind. I have released every
bit of depression and anxiety. I feel
better now than I ever have. You're gonna
be alright.... pm me soon.. we'll talk
about your past experiences.. and rule out
some things..
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