Don't Know How to Cope

Well, it's probably a broken record that's been heard one too many times, but I've got no where else to talk to this about. For the first time in my life I'm even considering seeing a therapist.

I just recently broke up with my girlfriend after 6 years of being together. It's had several ups and down, but we pulled through until now. We had recently considered splitting up about two months ago but ended up getting back together.

Here's one thing I should mention, around last year she was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and since then she's been on medication for it. I wondered sometimes if some of that surfaced because of troubles in our relationship. I wondered if it was me causing it.

We were living together for two years until we both had moved to southern california. This was her first time arriving and I was moving back, due to circumstances we couldn't live together and things just gradually got worse.

We tried to make it work and I could feel things slowly getting worse. This weekend we had a great weekend together and it felt like things were going well. Then, she had decided again that we should break-up. After a wonderful time together, I couldn't figure out why??? Why now of all times, that it just happened out of the blue. Well, what happened now was she met someone else and has decided to move on, but won't tell me. I found out what was really happening and she doesn't know, but she won't tell me the truth.

So now, I'm sitting here confused and alone, wishing I was with her and instead it's someone else probably doing the things I wish I could do with her. Even, after all the years of ups and down, no matter what I loved her with all that I could give. Now, I sit here alone, abandoned, and confused with no where to go. I rarely drink, and now that's what it's come down to just so I can sleep at night.