hi there!
I have been
wondering about this same issue lately. i
am 26 and married, but my husband and i
love to party and don't plan on ever
having childre (just so you know that kids
aren't an issue in this). we both made
good money at jobs we like, save a lot or
pay off student loans of mine, and don't
ever blow money on clothes, shoes, and
other crap we don't need. like i said we
live simply but we do like to party. my
husband (who is 31) has been smoking week
for a very long time, probably 12 or 13
years and i am totally cool with that. i
don't smoke much weed, but i don't care if
he wants to spend money on that. our big
problem is mostly ecstasy... we can't even
keep it in the house for more than a
couple days, and at one point were doing
so much of it that we had to make a rule
that we will do it no more than every 3
months (of course special occasions don't
count.... weddings, vacations, birthdays,
etc.). I did coke only once in high
school, and was so drunk and didn't know
what to expect that i don't even remember
feeling anything from it. plus it was
probably crap.
sorry for rambling, just wanted to get the
back story out there so we can talk and
you'll know where I'm coming from.
Anyway, coke is pretty new to me, but it
is AMAZING how much I want it now. My
friend and I each bought a half ounce from
my sister's boyfriend who is a dealer and
we do each other favors so we get it
pretty cheap and it's good caca ($500 for
a half ounce.... where I live that's
pretty health forum' price-wise). Anyway,
we got it about two weeks ago, did a bunch
of it that night, and I just assumed we
could get together to party once in a
while and it would last a long time. My
friend is having me keep it and ration out
small amounts to her because she used to
use it alot and said if it stays at her
place it won't be around for long. But I
am starting to wonder just how trustworthy
I am.
Ever since that first night two weeks ago,
I have used every single day. I have a
beautiful silver necklace that
conventiently has a spoon and holder as
the pendant, and no one knows the
difference. So for the past two weeks, I
have done probably between 4 and 8 lines a
day.... I don't know how much that
gram-wise cause we don't own a scale. My
husband has done a couple with me, twice
when we were alone and one other time when
my friend was over. I am starting to
wonder if it is possible to be addicted to
this caca after just two weeks. I mean,
in my life I have been a heavy drinker for
about 8 years, smoked cigs for a total of
about 5, done X a LOT (every single
weekend of my senior year of high school
and halfway through my fresh year at
college i did about 3 rolls a weekend
until i started dating this really
straight-edge loser). In any case, as I
am currently high (of course) I am
rambling again.
SOOOOO - it comes down to this. Do you
think I am an addict???? I read your post
and to me (I am a psych nurse who deal
with drug addiction all the time but can't
be objective with myself, what hypocrite I
am!!) I think you probably have a
psychological addiction to it.... knowing
its there if you want it makes you happy,
and it's sort of like most guys (and
girls) over 25 who like to go home a
couple times a week and drink a bit or go
get wasted every weekend. To me that is
much more destructive than using coke 3 or
times a week like you are doing. I would
classify yours as recreational use with
psychological dependance. YOu could give
it up if you wanted to, if your life
depended on it you could drop it (albeit
not happily i'm sure).
Do you think I am addicted to this stuff??
I actually wore my necklace on the unit
at work the other day and snuffed little
bits from the spoon whenever i felt tired
or down or anxious, and i tell you what,
it helped enormously. it's just that I
feel like i need it all the time, i sleep
okay but if i go a whole day without it, i
will make up an excuse about not being
tired to come out to the living room to
snort some lines. The other day I was
cutting up a line in a pillbox in the
parking lot at the grocery store! Am I
wrong or is this bordering on a problem???
I could try giving it up completely, but
if i don't give it up completely and do it
when it's around, i will just fall back
into this and want more and more and more.
What do you think, from one coke-lover
and user to another. Thanks for your
advice and for reading this looooooooong
post. peace. *edie*
