Help! Man Masterbating Continuously And Denying It Posted: 04-16-07 17:27pm
I need some feedback from men so that I
can understand what is happening.
I have been with my boyfriend for over 9
months. The sex was always great. About
two months ago he went through some
disappointment. When this happened, our
sex life has changed.
I have confronted him for masturbating and
he got furious that I would state he did
that. Why would he if he had me and he
didn't when I wasn't around either. I
don't have a problem with it, his secrecy
is what is bothering me.
He has also had a problem having sex the
second time in a few hours. Not always
ejaculating. This has caused frustration
for him and he doesn't think he is
pleasing me.
Around the same time he started
masterbating when going to sleep. I
questioned him on this and stated he is
not doing it.
It has become worse. This is when we do
and don't have sex. As soon as he turns
over he starts stroking himself and
snoring. I know he is not asleep yet. He
usually stops, and is asleep or curls up
behind me. When he curls up behind me for
a little bit, he turns back around again
and starts stroking himself. If I wake up
in the middle of the night he is still
doing it. He does not sleep very well.
(because of this, I have not been sleeping
very well) and have not known how to deal
with this issue.
He does not touch me like he did before. I
have tried talking to him about it and
states that he does not realize he is not
doing so. I told him the other night that
because he pulls away and doesn't want sex
again because he is afraid he won't beable
to finish. He has pushed me away so that
he will not become aroused by me. But, he
is still stroking himself.
Sunday morning we were cuddling and I was
aroused, he then turned on his side and
started masterbating. I was still awake
and laying on my back. I went to the
bathroom and when I came out he was really
going at it. I got back into bed and layed
my head on his side and put my hand on his
stomach. At that time he pulled his hand
away and he was pulsating and moaned.
I turned away from him and in a few
moments he came over asked if I was ok and
than spooned me. He acts like everything
is fine and I was really hurt by this.
I decided to seduce him, which he complyed
but I feel like I am doing all the
seducing and not getting anything in
return.
We have both been under pressure for
outside issues but this is really causing
some issues for me. I have asked him if he
still wants me and desires me, and he says
yes.
I don't have problem with masterbating but
include me in. I am also 46 and have a
very healthy sex drive and this is also
frustating to me since he doesn't comply.
I do not know how to approach him on this
and I also am not comfortable sleeping
with him because of this.
I need some suggestions and ideas of what
is going on. He is very faithful to me, I
know he loves me and we have talked about
a future together. He is a very good man
and is very good to me. I don't want this
issue to cause us to breakup.
Help please!
|
HealthySex
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 414
Posted: 04-19-07 10:25am
Sounds like a difficult situation, because
you've tried to talk to him about it, but
he refuses. However, it'd seem that
talking about it would be the only way
around it. You know him better than I, so
I'd think you'd have to find a way to make
him feel comfortable and talk about the
issue. It's important that you make it
caring, non-judgmental and non-demanding.
Of course, talking to a therapist of sorts
(maybe even a sex therapist) could help.
But I understand you'd have trouble
talking to him about the idea, but it
might be helpful. Perhaps he could go to
one alone if he doesn't want to talk about
it together.
|
lblind715
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Apr 2007 Posts: 2 Location: florida
Help! Man Masterbating Continuously And Denying It Posted: 04-23-07 18:02pm
HealthySex
wrote:
Sounds like a difficult
situation, because you've tried to talk to
him about it, but he refuses. However,
it'd seem that talking about it would be
the only way around it. You know him
better than I, so I'd think you'd have to
find a way to make him feel comfortable
and talk about the issue. It's important
that you make it caring, non-judgmental
and non-demanding.
Of course, talking to a therapist of sorts
(maybe even a sex therapist) could help.
But I understand you'd have trouble
talking to him about the idea, but it
might be helpful. Perhaps he could go to
one alone if he doesn't want to talk about
it together.
Thanks
I did approach him on this issue last
week. I couldn't handle it any longer and
his behavior was really bothering me. We
met in a neutral place to talk. It was
very uncomfortable. He was defensive at
first and I told him what he was doing. He
said that he would not do that with me
right there and I told him he was. He at
first said I had to be making it up and I
told him what was I gaining from it. Being
miserable and causing him grief
also???????? I also have never lied to him
so he kind of thought, maybe he is doing
it in his sleep and not realizing it. I
told him what he did that Sunday am and he
said no way. I told him exactly what he
did. He said he remembered me going to the
bathroom and then back in bed with my back
to him and wondered what was wrong. He
said that he did not remember anything
else. I also asked him, if he was, would
he say so and he said yes.
He might not be realizing it but it was
happening and I was very uncomfortable
about it. Also, because he was attentive
to me in other ways also. After he
"chilled" he said to prove it. I said
fine, and don't get mad at me if I bring
it up. We talked again about it last
Thursday and he said that he wanted to put
it behind us, if I bring it up and point
it out, he will not get upset and that I
need to prove it. I said I would take a
pic. He also admitted not paying as much
attention to me and was also pulling away
from me. Since we originally talked, he
has been more affectionate and we went
away for the weekend.
He was much better at night. I still am
apprehensive and trying to get through it.
I just say your doing it again and he said
I was scratching. I made a comment towards
that and he went back to sleep.
I know that he deeply loves me and he
knows how much I have been hurting and I
know that he does not want to lose me. So,
if anything was going on, he is making an
effort to not keep doing the same thing.
Things are much better in the affectionate
area and with the sex. He is recipercating
much more.
