I don't know if this is in exactly the
right place. Bare with me I plan on only
saying a little but I have yet to come out
with this topic to really anyone fully so
if it's huge ... I'm sorry.
My ex, we were only together for a short
time before I got pregnant (i'm 29 wks for
those of you that don't come to the
pregnancy forums) He was very abusive.
Physically and emotionally ... I won't
really get into detail about that but
let's just say it was bad enough i have
dreams and flashbacks about it.
In a way I know it was my own fault for
sticking around. I had always been a
strong person and any guy that even talked
down to me was gone, until him. he could
say and do anything... and then say he
loved me he was sorry and wouldn't do it
again and I would just get over it.
When I got pregnant the physical abuse
stopped... and I definately became
stronger... I had to I'm having a baby!
I moved out, back with my parents started
working and so on , but still seeing and
talking to him.
he began doing drugs after I moved out
again, he had done them early in our
relationship but stopped when i became
pregnant, and with drugss came the
agressiveness ..he cut and attempted
suicide repeatedly. So I ceased contact
until 2 months later. Whe I thought I
could "help" him.
he was so high he ended up putting me in
the hospital because he slammed me into a
wall (by my stomache) and dropped me to
the ground.
I was so stressed out and upset the
doctors were talking about preterm labour
and that if I didnt calm down it would
happen.
I never felt more guilty about anything, I
really had no idea he was that bad and if
I thought he would endanger the baby... i
wouldnt have gone. I went to his apartment
with drug and crisis hotline numbers and
we were gonna call them together... i dont
know how it escalated from there.
that was a month and a bit ago and I have
not seen him since, but he contacted me
the other day to tell me he was so sorry
he loved me and the baby but he had to go.
I asked him where he was going and he hung
up and I later got a phonecall that he was
in the hospital, ... they put him to sleep
because he is on breathing machines and
cathadars and ivs and tubes everywhere
they say.
I'm stayiong calm , but even after
everything he's done to me, my heart hurts
more than anything.
I don't know what to do , I blame
myself... I know I shouldnt care but I
do.
How am I supposed to get over something
like this?
How do I forget it all and move on?
I will never allow him around my child and
am done with him , being with him talking
to him (even if he pulls through)
but I still feel emtionally tied to him...
I hate him but I love him.
I've never felt so powerless... ever.
any advice or just a few words would
really help... I'm just so boggled right
now!
|
Akkette
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Apr 2007 Posts: 50 Location: Australia
Posted: 04-17-07 09:54am
You should in no way blame yourself for
what he did to you. It was him that pushed
you and you were not to know. Luckily the
baby is ok and now you need to make sure
you look after yourself and the little one
until it decides that it wants to enter
the big wide world.
I can understand why you still feel
attched to him. Love him or not you are
always going to have a certain connection
with him because you are having his child.
I am glad to hear though that you will not
be going back.
You als need to realise that no matter
what you tried to do someone will not get
help or let themselves be helped if they
do not want it. You did not put him in
that hospital bed and if he does pull
through then he should use this as his
second chance.
Well done on beng so strong and getting
yourself out of the relationship. It is
times like this that we realise that we
are stronger than we ever thought possible
and with a baby on the way you are soon to
be wonder woman. Remember that its his
life and he shall choose what he does with
his but with your life and your childs you
have so much to look foward to (dirty
dipers, 3am feeds, teething)
You did all you could and more than what
you needed to and that should be enough to
know this is not your fault. Remember
there is nothing more you could have done
(even if you try and convince yourself
there was).
Good Luck
Natalie
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 04-17-07 10:01am
hey girl,i've been through the same thing
only I wasn't pregnant.Usually people like
that cannot be helped neither do they want
hel[p until they hit rock bottom and it
sounds to me like he has.I know its hard
and you still love him,but as time goes on
it *wil* be easier.You don't need someone
like that around you or your baby.There is
a chance though that he *ca* change,but he
has to do it himself.If you ever want to
talk pm me
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onmyway_0x
Supporter
Joined: 12 Jan 2007 Posts: 760 Location: Canada
Posted: 04-17-07 11:54am
Thank you. It's nice to hear some positive
things, my family and friends all hate
him, rightfully so... but because of that
I can't discuss these things with them.
It's hard when It all get'.s bottled up.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 04-17-07 12:13pm
I totally understand.none of my family
liked my man either.I moved out after he
hit me and didn't see him for 4 months.He
use to be an alcoholic,because thats the
only way he knew how to handle his
anger.turned out he was depressed and had
to be put on meds so now he takes those
and stopped drinking alcohol.it's been
over 2 months since he drank and like
everyone he hs his bad days but he is
better.he had to hit rock bottom before
realiznghe really needed help.he lost me
and his job and nearly lost his place to
live.People can change but they have to
want to.Your gonna be ok
|
onmyway_0x
Supporter
Joined: 12 Jan 2007 Posts: 760 Location: Canada
Posted: 04-17-07 12:24pm
~*~Melissa~*~
wrote:
I totally understand.none of
my family liked my man either.I moved out
after he hit me and didn't see him for 4
months.He use to be an alcoholic,because
thats the only way he knew how to handle
his anger.turned out he was depressed and
had to be put on meds so now he takes
those and stopped drinking alcohol.it's
been over 2 months since he drank and like
everyone he hs his bad days but he is
better.he had to hit rock bottom before
realiznghe really needed help.he lost me
and his job and nearly lost his place to
live.People can change but they have to
want to.Your gonna be ok
Thanks
I've always known he had to hit rock
bottom it was just actually letting
him...
by that I mean instead of running to his
beckon call or taking care of him
everytime he was coming down off the drugs
I realised and am still realising I had to
leave him alone as much as he has to leave
me alone.
It's just hard when you see the kind of
person someone can be , and then the
person they choose to be. he had his
moments where he melted me with a smile
and he really could be sweet at times,
however it was very few and far between.
Now he's in the hospital ... I pray he's
ok , but I also hope he decides he has
taken this too far and enough is enough.
I know I'll be ok I just have to getover
this HUGE hump of not having him or
talking to him and so on , it feels like
it is taking a lot longer than it should.
But it's all about the babe now ... and I
know that , I just dont want to have to
one day tell my child that his daddy is
dead.
Thank you for being so supportive
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 04-17-07 12:44pm
onmyway_0x
wrote:
Thanks
I've always known he had to hit rock
bottom it was just actually letting
him...
by that I mean instead of running to his beckon
call or taking care of him everytime he
was coming down off the drugs I
realised and am still realising I had to
leave him alone as much as he has to leave
me alone.
It's just
hard when you see the kind of person
someone can be , and then the person they
choose to be. he had his moments where he
melted me with a smile and he really could
be sweet at times, however it was very few
and far between.
Now he's in the hospital ... I pray he's
ok , but I also hope he decides he has
taken this too far and enough is enough.
I know I'll be ok I just have to getover
this HUGE hump of not having him or
talking to him and so on , it feels like
it is taking a lot longer than it should.
But it's all about the babe now ... and I
know that , I just dont want to have to
one day tell my child that his daddy is
dead.
Thank you for being so supportive
for the bold= ditto girl!
I was the same way,always trying to help
him,take care of him and make his fall
less painful.we think were helping out but
in fact we really arent and just making it
worse.it hurts but you do what you gotta
do.
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 287 Location: Japan
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-19-07 17:16pm
Yeah this guy is a big sinking ship and
you should stay away from him, he is only
going to bring you under. Instead of
finishing himself, he sounds like he will
take you with him.
I would be very careful of this guy, next
time he tries to do himself in he may want
you to come along. I would change your
phone number, move out of town, do what
ever I could. He is not finished with you
by a long shot I would say.
