Need All Feedback On Ld Relationship Posted: 04-19-07 02:12am
I am turning 22 y.o. in a month, my gf is
20 y.o. and is about to finish her first
year as a college student, shes in
missourri, while im in new jersey, I met
her when she was a senior in h.s. and 19
y.o., I had already finished my college
years. Well this is the thing, before she
had went off to college, I went with her
to her senior prom, where I witnessed her
grabbing some guy's ass, and later that
night grabbing his "inner-thigh" (as she
says), right in front of me.... i didnt
make a big deal, for I wouldn't kill
someones special night, but later that
night in the hotel, i did let her know i
saw her do that, her jaw dropped and
thought nothing of it, So I asked if it
was alright I grabbed her friends ass
since it was nothing to her and she said
yeah, so as I left to the door to do just
that, she stopped and she cried and
apologized... a few months later, a guy
approaches her to talk and what not that
she worked with, and supposedly made it
clear that she had a boyfriend, and then
she gives HER phone number out to a guy,
and he called when she was with me,
apparantly it wasnt strange at all to her,
or like deceiving, until i had pointed it
out and she started to cry and
apologize.... well this is the thing,
these thoughts and experiences with her
haunt me all the time, and it takes a toll
on the relationship. now out of no-where
she wants to go to parties and what not,
which i understand, but I cant help but
remember those moments..... especially
because when I met her, it was because she
started kicking it to me, meanwhile she
was going out with someone else. and
supposedly loved him. she says she loves
me, so how can i believe that shes not
gona do the same thing again? How can I
really trust someone who's like this, and
is going through college, Should I just
tell her to call me in another 3 years
when she graduates?
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 04-19-07 10:16am
she's young,she wants to party and it
sounds like she wants to be wild.I would
never date a guy who was 'kicking it to
me' while he had a girl that he said he
'loved'.She sounds like she is not ready
to settle down and she sounds very
untrustworthy.She knows what is right and
wrong,she just doesn't care (imo).I hioe
things work out wether you stay together
or not.
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princessnae
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Apr 2007 Posts: 90
Alright Posted: 04-25-07 00:33am
I am assuming you love this girl very
much. And long distance can be difficult
as I am in one right now too. My
boyfriend is 4 years older and he was out
of the party stage like you sound like you
are. I was 19 when we meet and he always
thought that when I turned 21 I'd go crazy
and for a second I did. I grew up real
quick when I decided that I wanted him and
no one else.
But these are the thoughts that I had.
What else is out there? If you aren't
around cheating is really easy. And
ecspecially if you have been together
since she was in high school she really
hasn't had a chance to grow out of being a
"dumb high school girl". Where I totally
would have given my phone number to a guy
too. So she is probably trying to see
what else is out there.
My advice for you. Don't be a doormat.
Stand up for yourself, talk to her. Tell
her how you truely feel about the
relationship and don't let the crying fool
you. Ask her straight up if she wants
this relationship. And if so then things
will need to change. Not that she needs
to check in with you first when and where
shes going but that as a coutesy ask that
she takes a second to call you and let you
know what shes going to be up to and with
who. Like you would for her. Tell her
your true conserns and if things don't get
better remember that it takes two to make
a relationship work. It can't be one
sided and it may be time to move on.
Good luck and let me know how it goes.
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jayjota3133
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 5
Posted: 04-27-07 05:41am
Thanks alot guys, now it turns out she
went to a party on wed. before she went
in, i called, we talked about her
"grinding" her ass on other guys while
dancing(u know like hip-hop music),
because we discussed a few days ago, that
I am NOT comfortable with that caca at
all. n she said she wont, that she just
wants to dance spanish music and wont
"grind" on anyone, now that I call, I ask,
so your not gonna grind on any guys. and
she says, is there a problem if I do. we
talked and she had all intentions to, she
said she wasnt going to though, now a few
days later, she tells me she actually did
"grind" on some guy. how am I supposed to
trust someone like that? I love this girl,
but cant stand the lies and deceits, and
dont know if we can make it. she says I
can trust her, and to put trust in her to
test her out, but theres no point, I keep
doing it, and she keeps failing.
miserably, every time. Should I just end
this and spare all emotions feelings and
everything from going even further? Or try
and find a way to stay together and edure
this heartache and find a way to build
trust together. She wants to be young wild
and independent, I want to build a life
together. I am turning 22 next month, shes
20 y.o. freshmen in college. She's def. a
keeper, not like any i've found, thats for
sure.
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 263 Location: Japan
Posted: 04-27-07 11:27am
you are being played.
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princessnae
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Apr 2007 Posts: 90
Look.. Posted: 04-27-07 14:07pm
Alright... I know you love her... I can
tell.. but honestly you are setting
yourself up for more pain. First of all
its not necessarily fair to her to keep
testing her. But at the same time you
shouldn't have to test her.
I was in a sorority. And I went to
faternity parties with some of my friends
during my first semester back at school
with my boyfriend. Well it really
bothered my boyfriend and we talked about
it. I made the decison to change my
behavior because I valued my relationship.
I still went out but I choose where and
what I did differently. He also worked on
his issues with me going out and such.
Had we both not made that decision we
won't be together. The point of my story
is that we both made changes and were
willing to do what we had to to make it
work.
I can't tell you what you should or
shouldn't do but if I were in your shoes I
would let her go. Eventrally she is going
to get tired of jumping through hoops just
as you are about trying to get her to.
