I feel so guilty and like a bad mom when
Ava goes to bed too late or that she
doesn't really have a sleep schedule.
She takes a nap after breakfast, after
lunch, and in the early evening. It's
never at the same exact time, but pretty
close to it. I just wait until she gets
tired. We also don't put her down, we
walk with her until she falls asleep or
feed her until she falls asleep (2 bad
habits).
Also, at night she goes to bed anywhere
from 8 to 11 (whenever she gets tired).
It makes me feel guilty that she's not on
a real schedule. I guess in my mind
everyone has their kid on a schedule and
sticks to it. It's so hard because we're
always doing things and getting home
late.
At one point I refused to go anywhere
later than 7 b/c I wanted her in bed early
and Jesse thought I was ridiculous and we
can't live our life around her sleep. So,
I started not caring and we'd go shopping
and do whatever and she went to bed at 11
every night over the Easter break.
It made me feel bad b/c I was making her
go to bed so late.
It's putting a strain on our relationship
b/c he would want to stay up later than
her and play games or watch tv and just
have some us time or keep her up with us,
but I go to bed with her because that's
the only way she'll stay asleep. We
decided the other day that we'll start
putting her to sleep then staying up for
at least an hour to spend some time
together. Hopefully that works and she
stays asleep.
Her sleep situation is really putting a
strain on our marriage. She needs to be
in her own bed.
I'm so frustrated with the whole
situation.
My husband is a "go with the flow",
whenever she's tired we'll put her to
sleep kind of person and I'm a
schedule/routine kind of person.
It kills me that she's not on a schedule
and it makes me feel guilty.
Every night she gets a bath then we go
into my room with the lights dim and the
noise machine on the waterfall sound and I
read her a book and give her a bottle and
she falls asleep after she's done with the
bottle, if not I walk with her for a
minute or two until she's completely out
and we go to bed.
I wish I can just put her in her crib and
her fall asleep by herself and stay
asleep. I guess it's my fault because I
don't have the heart to let her cry it
out.
I'm just venting/looking for suggestions
or most of all seeing if anyone else is
going through this. I feel like I'm the
only one.
I kind of feel hopeless about the whole
situation.
my son didnt have a real scehdule up
until about a month ago. he was always
pretty unpreditctable because of reflux
falir ups and food intolerances. these two
things really affected how the day went
for us.
i wouldnt stress too much about the day
routine. everything sort of fell into
place for us recently. i would, however,
do some sleep training on her. im assuming
she doesnt have any medical complications
like my son did, (i could never tell if he
was crying because of pain when i was
trying to sleep train). i would *HIGhly*
suggest getting a transitional object for
her at night time(my son has his blankie
and its what puts him to sleep as soon as
i lay him down, sometimes he talks to
himself for a few minutes, but he doesnt
cry), and start doing a routine before bed
to signal that its time to sleep. if you
continue to do what you are doing
everynight you will go insane, trust me, i
have been there. i held my son 24/7 for
the first 5 months of his life, and it
really took a toll on me and mine and my
boyfirends relationship.
Last edited by Nataliachick7 on 04-22-07 17:25pm; edited 2 times in total
ok, i just saw that you do the routine,
thing sorry i missed that. i recommend
after she is done with the bottle, lay her
in the crib. she will be fine. (try the
transitional object, she will learn in a
few nights this means go to sleep when she
sees it) trust me. she may cry for say 10
mintues the first few times, but she is
old enough now-i would never do that to a
newborn.
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 10821 Location: ,
Thanks: 62
Thanked:42
Posted: 04-22-07 17:27pm
Nataliachick7
wrote:
ok, i just saw that you do
the routine, thing sorry i missed that. i
recommend after she is done with the
bottle, lay her in the crib.
i think betsy left out that they've been
co-sleeping, so i don't think she can just
lay her in the crib since she's not used
to that.
what does ava do if you do lay her in her
crib?
i'm sorry betsy, i don't really have any
advice. i agree with nat though about the
daytime routine, just let her do her own
thing. finn takes a morning nap and an
afternoon nap but it's not at any set
time.
i also think it's very important for you
and jesse to have your own time together
at night. i hope other people have helpful
advice!
ok, i just saw that you do
the routine, thing sorry i missed that. i
recommend after she is done with the
bottle, lay her in the crib.
i think betsy left out that they've been
co-sleeping, so i don't think she can just
lay her in the crib since she's not used
to that.
in that case i would lay her in the bed,
and buy those safety net things you put on
the sides of the bed. are you co sleeping
because you are into attachement
parenting, or are you just doing it
because you feel pressured to get her to
sleep?
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Idony
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1611 Location: virginia beach, va usa
Thanks: 11
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-22-07 19:06pm
i dont really have any advise for you, im
sorry
i just want to tell you, you are not a bad
mother, the fac that you are concerned
about this means you are a great mother, i
know someone who had never had their kid
on any schedual until he was 8 monthes
when they moved into our house and my mum
and i put him on a schedual (they would
let him fall asleep whenever he wanted and
do whatever he wanted)
now that they dont live with us anymore
(we moved) he is back to no schedual, he
turned 2 in fabuary and goes to bed into
his room at 8 and they ignore him until
his screaming bothers them, then they let
him stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning
and make him sleep until noon...if he
doesnt sleep that long they dont wake up
with him, he just does whatever he wants,
he never gets fed on any schedual, only
gets 1 meal a day, 2 if hes lucky, the
rest is just pure junk food
bleh, it angers me off so much
you are not a bad mother, if you did THAT
you would be a bad mother yes, but you
most deffinantly do not do that, you are
the opposite of that, you are a great
mother
~alicia~
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jenniek
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Sep 2005 Posts: 692 Location: Salina
Posted: 04-22-07 20:32pm
I don't have much adivce but I was just
going to say I understand what you're
going through!
I don't have Brayden on a schedule at all.
Things happen relatively in the same
order each day but never at the same
times. He also hates sleeping on his back
so he has been sleeping in his swing for
about a month. A terrible habit to start!
His swing just broke so now we have to get
him to sleep in his crib and he has been
waking up every hour! We also rock him
back to sleep in our arms, he won't fall
asleep if we just lay him down. There are
just many things that I wish wouldn't be
the way they are but its hard to break the
habits once they start.
How old is your daughter? Brayden is only
9 weeks so my theory is that he is still
pretty young for a schedule. Don't stress
about it to much, if you get stressed and
worried about the schedule it may stress
her out. Just try to make slow changes.
Good luck
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jessesgirl
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2005 Posts: 2877
Thanks: 16
Thanked:3
Posted: 04-23-07 17:09pm
Nataliachick7
wrote:
IHeartMyBostonTerrier
wrote:
Nataliachick7
wrote:
ok, i just saw that you do
the routine, thing sorry i missed that. i
recommend after she is done with the
bottle, lay her in the crib.
i think betsy left out that they've been
co-sleeping, so i don't think she can just
lay her in the crib since she's not used
to that.
in that case i would lay her in the bed,
and buy those safety net things you put on
the sides of the bed. are you co sleeping
because you are into attachement
parenting, or are you just doing it
because you feel pressured to get her to
sleep?
My husband wanted us to co-sleep with her
b/c he's afraid that something will happen
to her in the middle of the night if she's
in her crib and we won't be able to hear
her or see her. He's paranoid, but now
he's all for the idea of letting her sleep
in her bed.
We talked and this is our plan.
She's been napping in her crib for 2 weeks
now. When he gets off of work Thursday
we're going to start putting her into her
crib at night. We'll put her to sleep the
same way we've been doing, but put her in
her crib instead of with us. When she
wakes up we'll do the same thing, pick her
up and walk with her for a few minutes
until she goes back to sleep. Then when
I'm off for summer, in 5 weeks, we'll
start sleep training. We'll put her down
tired but awake and stick it out. I know
she'll scream her head off. I tried it
already for a nap and she wouldn't have
it. We know that we both need to be
strong and it's for her own good. What do
you think of the plan? We'll keep the
crib in our room for a while before we
move her completely in her own room.
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Eyes Wide Shut
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 7892 Location: *UPTOWN*NEW ORLEANS*, La
Posted: 04-23-07 17:44pm
Ok, .betsy,1st let me tell you, you're
*not* a bad mother!! from what I know,
you're the *best*!!!
Now, for my advice! WHen you put her in
her crib, at night, if she becomes fussy,
take off the shirt you're wearing, flip it
inside out, and snuggle it next to her.
I had to do that to .oni *bookoo*
times!!!! I didn't want to pick her up, so
in a moment of panic/screaming her lungs
out, I just yanked my shirt off, let her
smell/snuggle it, and she immedietly calmed down.
It sounds crazy, but it *works*!!! She
sooo used to yours/jesse's scent that when
she doesn't smell it (from being
held/walked/& slept with) she panics!
Also, continue the bath, story, dim light
routine!
