Relationships And Friends of the Opposite Sex!!

This is going to be a bit lengthy and I apologies for it.

Well tables have turned on me from a past and a broken relationship and to now a friend that is somewhat a question mark.

What I mean is my ex for 10 years had used a female friend that she doesn’t like as a means to fight and argue non stop until I could not take it know more. I had told my ex of this friend from the very beginning and what kind of relationship that we had as that being as friends.

First a little history of my friend here that I feel is important as to why my ex had an issue with.

Since the age 14-15
This female friend and I became friends as we talked a lot over the phone. Over the course of the years of hanging out and partying we come to be close friends but nothing more then that. People thought at one time that we where a couple as we would be hanging out quite a bit and talking on the phone. Somewhat understandable as I was kind of upset of some of these guys she would try and pursue for a relationship of more then friends. Some would say I was jealous and may have been somewhat true to an extent as I felt as I was loosing her with what we had as friends. That being said however I did not care or even could have seen us being together more then friends as for the person she was and is and whom I was or am that it would not work.

At age of around 17-18
I decided to distance my self from my female friend then stop talking to her all together. Do to in part to the jealousy of her ex boyfriend that had mental problems and was jealous in a way that was unhealthy. The other I needed to get my head on straight of some of the feelings I was experiencing that I did not fully understand for my self for her do to the fog of drinking and drugs. Also at this time is when I new I had a problem with the drugs and drinking and tried to stop.

At age of around 19-20
A couple of years had passed and I was not partying as much, she had found me and we went out to bowl with another friend. By this time she had a baby and I believe she was married to this psychotic jealous guy. I don’t recall how it happened but this guy found out my female friend was over at my house to of which he had gone psycho on me and threaten me again. Then I decided to part ways from her once again.

At age of around 21
I had just broke up with an ex girlfriend from the past that I thought that I was in love with at the time and my female friend was looking to visit me as she had moved to Florida. This friend had stayed with me a couple of nights and this is when a girl I had met that lived above me liked me. Before my friend was to go back to Florida things got a little strange and we kissed a bit but we did not have sex and decided to stop as we valued are friendship then to have a one night stand sort of speak.

At age of around 22
About a year later I had hit bottom as I have done so many of times in the past with drinking and drugs when the same girlfriend in the past that I thought that I was in love with had broke it off with me. I was talking to my female friend and she was going through some stuff to where she had lost her drivers licenses do to a DUI. I needed to get away for a wile so we both decided to help each other out. So I stayed with her for three months and drove her to work and watched her daughter. During this time nothing had ever happened between us as to something in a way of more then friends. After more of the same partying I decided to move back to Illinois. I then had got back together for a day or so with the one that I thought that I was in love with of what appeared to be kind of a fare well booty call. At this point I then decided once and for all to start my road to not taking drugs and limit my drinking further.

Now al little history of last serious relationship of my latest ex!!!

At age of around 23
I had met another girl that would be the last serious relationship I would have from this letter at a bar after a co worker that I was with was hitting on her and bothering her when she was clearly not interested. I could not stand there any longer with out putting a stop to it and that is what I did. I guess she was impressed and we had exchanged numbers and started talking and going out as friends. She had told me she was married and had a baby three months old. This person she was married with was living in Michigan. She had told me before they had been married that she had left him shortly after conception where he had knocked her up intentionally as he told her before hand that if he would make her pregnant that she would not leave him, as I guess they were having problems. Needless to say when they have married was shortly after she had given berth and they did it for the child. Of course that never works, to get married for the child not for being in love.

After seeing this girl for about a year feelings between us had progressed. During this she was on a waiting list to get a divorce. After a wile longer she was having problems with her mother (the grandmother of the child) as to of which she was obsessed with her granddaughter and in her mind thought she was the mother, or wanted to be as to my opinion as a result of my ex girls mother failing to be a good parent to her and her brother. My ex then chosen to move in with me as I had offered to let her for the problems she was having living with her mother. Her mother then chose to not let her own daughter take her daughter with her as she had no means of supporting her other then my self at the time. We then made a joint decision to call the police as there was no legal right for her mother to keep her daughter from her mother (or her own daughter). The grandmother then said a few things to the police of which apparently from what I was told were lies in an effort to keep the child. This is when Department of Human Services sent out a case worker to evaluate the mother. This case worker asked her a few simple questions such as one being some simple math as to of which she could not answer. This is when I have noticed something wrong with her as so did the case worker as to of which was determined later to her having depression. So the case worker gave her some simple task to do before she is to have full custody of her child and placed the grandparents with temporary custody.

1. Apply for assistance from public aid.
2. Attend parenting classes.
3. Obtain a drivers license.
4. Seek a therapist

Well instead of doing these things she told her husband of what had happened and he then threatened to take full custody. So the day after we had sex for the first time, she went back to Michigan and left her daughter in Illinois with her mother as she had temporary custody of her daughter in an effort to get custody that way. Apparently her husband had manipulated her by convincing her that will work but it made things much worse. So she left with her husband back to Michigan with out telling me.

A year and a half later my ex showed up at my door. A month later my mother past away and that is when she moved in and so started 10 years of hell together. My female friend was going through a brake up a month after my mother past away and that is when she told me she loved me and wanted to go and be with her in Florida and said things like I could not feel the same way for her in a way as more then friends. I told her I was with my ex girl and that her timing sucked. I could not just leave out of a relationship for someone else as that would be wrong for me to do so. So this is when I had to cut ties with my female friend once again. I did not talk to her for 8 years as my ex had a serious problem with her as I can see why, as I had told her everything and kept nothing from her. My ex did the following because I was friends with her.

1. A year later my ex kissed my friend in front of me.
2. Was going out to the bars with her friends and lied about it wile I was working with the car I gave her, wile I was paying for a two bedroom apartment so her daughter could have her own room.
3. Staying out all night with her friends and coming home the next day.
4. Seen a guy I did not know for a month until I caught her with this guy alone at his house wile I was at work behind my back. My ex compared this as me talking to my female friend over the phone that lived over 1000 miles away. I think not!!!

So after all this I stayed with her and forgave her for up to 7-8 years and during this time she brought up my female friend far to many times and how wrong I was for being a friend with a female wile being in a serious relation ship with her. So 7 years into our relation ship I figured if I am going to continue to here about my female friend and be accused of talking to her then I guess I should then. So that is what I did but this time I did not tell my ex. I know it was wrong for me not to but I was trying to avoid more of the same fighting with my ex, but in time she found out and it just want from bad to worse. After three more years of a worse hell then before, I decided to break it off with her for good and throw her out after so many times before when I told my female friend she could come out and stay with me for a few as she was staying with her father in Illinois to try and get off the drugs and alcohol and that it was not working out for her there.

During her stay with me my female friend and I finally had sex. As she said friends with benefits as to of which was fine by me until something’s were said of feelings that was there for one another and that was ok to. Of course she was drunk when she said this as well just like 10 years ago where she told me she wanted me to be with her wile I was with my ex when we just got back together. As for being friends with benefits is one thing wile in between relationships with no strings attached but then she flirted with one of her ex boy friends over the phone from Florida in front of me afterwards. Then a couple of days later she got upset with two or three of her ex’s or boyfriends for them to have moved on with someone else and lied to them when they asked if she had sex as to of which she did with me. I felt like a dirty little secret and that did not feel to good for me although she told me that she did tell one of them after the fact that she lied the first time about it as to of which I did not here. Weather or not she did the fact is that she did lie about it right off the back the first time. Not to mention she did say she is still in love with one of her ex’s and also the fact that she did not tell her last ex that she is still in love with her prior ex as like she reminds me from time to time. I guess that is some more hints there. It is her business of course what she tells them and or others but I wish I known before hand that she was going to keep it a secret from her ex’s and lie to them but then if she would have I probably would have a problem with it as I did and for her to not have waited till after we had sex. Or at least she could have waited until she or I left to call her ex’s and lied to them then and not for me to here. The way I see it if she can lie to them and keep it from them why would I be any different. I guess I did not think of that. I guess I have a conscious and feelings more then others when it comes to what is right and what is wrong, although that is coming from my beliefs.

There was a comment she made about women like the pursuit or challenge of a person when we were watching a show called I Love New York. I wonder if she is one of those people that look for something in someone that are really not in love with her or care about her much as if it is some kind of game. Instead of settling for someone she can have and be with, that truly does love them in which case it is sad. Therefore she is going to pass up those whom truly care for her. I do believe I recall she did this when we were teenagers as she was always pursuing the ones that were out to just get in her tight jeans.

Wile it was all good and I love to make love with her as she feels and makes love pretty dam good but this is not how I pictured it at all if we were finally to go through with it. I know she don’t like the sex word and she prefers to say making love but how is it not only sex. After a few other things that she had said such as she doesn’t want to hurt me is a sure sign that she probably will if I let her in my opinion. So if that is all she wants from me to fulfill her sexual needs wile she is here well I do have a problem with that, as at this time it seems to me that is all she wants. I am not into deceit and betrayal.

Also the things she does and choices she made in her past relationships, such as her leaving one of her ex’s for his friend that she was interested in wile she was still involved. Also the comments she made to me such as her keeping her options open with her ex’s. Then she seems to think that it is ok to be friends with the opposite sex with people that she had a past and recent relationship that involved feelings and sex as well and go out with them. All this is keeping that door open and the interest alive for her ex’s in which one can say they are not ex’s at all. So if things were to progress between us as for being in a relationship with her I would have a major problem with this. So then of course if it is with another that I am to end up in a relationship with then the same that I preach should apply for my self as well. Something I feel terrible about and did not for see this but am going to have to face. It is one thing to be friends with the opposite sex as long as there were no prior relations with that friend that involved a past relationship as of more then friends and sex. However wile in a relationship and as a couple the one that is involved with that person would need to be involved with the friendship as well.

When I was on drugs and alcohol even with the days I was sober wile in between using, I was still not thinking with a clear head and was and still to this day embarrassed and regret things I did and choices I have made. The thing is that drugs and alcohol does alter the brain and it takes several months of sobriety, even years to think clearly. So I think some if not most of my friend choices she has and or had maybe the result of that.

Also she is not to sexually active with me. As she said she is afraid of feeling more feelings for me and it would just make it harder for her to leave. Just with that statement I think or should I say I may know for the most part that she probably does regardless anyway but she maybe in denial as I maybe as well, unless however she is regretting it. If by any chance we were to go there as in the means of the both of us falling in love with each other then why should she be afraid of that. If it is meant to be then so be it. If not then it is meant to be as well. It is not like I would do everything that I can to try and make her happy with me and be with her in Florida or where ever. Better to try then not try at all, then wondering what if, in my opinion!

Also she has very high expectations in the one she so chose to be with in a relationship (high maintenance sort of speak) in my opinion something I am not. That is a shame in my opinion as to looking what someone has instead of what is in there heart. I believe when one enters into a committed relationship the couple works together for the both of them to better there life’s together instead of finding already made life before hand. Also she has a daughter in her teens so where do I fit in that, or everything else I have mentioned.

Then of course she gets in her health forum attitude she picked up from some ware. I guess she got it from the bikers although she was always kind of a health forum it’s just now 10 folds more. She kind of thought when she was drinking when she first came out that she was some kind of hard ass and proud of being a biker health forum but the reality is that she was just being a health question with this attitude in my opinion and it is vary unattractive. The way I see it is she still needs to do some growing up. I do believe or know some of her childish actions are a result of her drug use but will see.

So the tables have turned on me although I did not plan this nor did or do I still now expect anything from this as I can not. I do love her and there is a part of me I do believe I could possibly fall in love if she did some major changes. However what I have witnessed lately I cannot trust her to not break my heart just like the same as years ago. So I won’t nor cannot go there with loving her more then a friend if she is not willing or able to go there with me.

Then of course she told me once that we could never be and made a comment if I were to move down there we could not have sex. Also she said on another occasion we would just be roommates when I asked her as what we would be when she offered me to move down to Florida. So it is quite clear that she don’t want anything more with me.

So there for I don’t see it happening between us at this time nor in my opinion do I see her being in a serious committed relation ship with anyone unless the other is doing the same thing. As to of which then ware is the respect and commitment then for one another. So with all of this, I question her ability to be in a commitment and her integrity for the one she is to be with in a relationship and possibly her ability to truly love someone or if she is even able at this time.

Though now, how am I going to remain friends with her as when or if I end up in another relationship with someone else as I am going to have to tell that person about my female friend. That will make it impossible as I would not want or care for my significant other to have any kind of relations with her ex’s or sex buddies either.
However none of this I mentioned is the reason why she is out here staying with me or for a friend with benefits with no strings attached or for a relationship, she is here to get well from her addictions.

So she wants to continue to be friends with one of her many current guy friend that told her that he is in love with her and the other recent three ex’s as to of which she had a relationship of more then friends that involved sex and she don’t see anything wrong with it, wile she lies to all of them, or most about her involvement with each one including me. Well as to of which I have for my self more standards and morals when it comes to that. So she can go back to Florida to her other sex buddies and bop around from guy to guy for she can do this with out my presents in her life. So after a 21 year friendship it is now ruined and I can no longer be friends with her and that hurts.

Just as before and seams to me that I am still not the man for her nor I will probably never be but I am ok with that, as I have to be. For it is what it is and I will cherish the time spent with each other even if it is temporary! Even still she will always be with me in my heart as she has been and I will always love her even if though I have to say goodbye to her. I will carry that love with me inside to my dieing day and beyond.

Still though, I will miss her terribly!!!


Can’t undo choices made from the past. It is the choices one makes in the prescient with lessons learned from the past that defines you.

END OF STORY!!!

So what do you all think?