I Don't Think I'm Overreacting, But I Need Your Opinion Posted: 05-01-07 21:58pm
I've been dating a guy for the past two
months now. Actually, we dated for four
years, broke up for about seven months,
and now have been dating the past two
months. He lives sixty miles away from
me. I visit him every weekend in his
city; he can't come to visit me because he
doesn't have a car. He also works at a
bar every weekend, so I hang out with him
there.
Anyway, during the time that we were
broken up, he made friends with a girl
that he works with. He told me that they
made out the night they first met, but I
don't care about that because this was
during the time we were broken up and I
was seeing a different guy at the time.
His friend moved away for a month or so,
but now she moved back to his city today.
So he leaves me a message today saying
that she moved back into town and that
they were going to get an apartment
together and be room mates (He lives with
his parents right now and can't afford to
get an apartment on his own). I, of
course, flew off the handle and called him
up and started yelling at him for several
reasons.
One, because he automatically assumed that
I would think its okay for him to live
with this girl and he assumed I would have
absolutely no obections. Two, whether or
not they ever had sex (though they claimed
they never have and definitely said they
didn't after he and I started dating
aagin) the girl is a total prostitute. I
hardly know her; we hung out only a few
times. She seems likea nic person but
there is no way in hell I would want her
living with him. And three, because we my
boyfriend and I talked about me moving to
his city and living with him as soon as I
found a job there.
There is absolutely nothing he could say
that will make me change my mind out this.
This isn't ridiculous, this is insane.
We were talking about getting married and
now he wants to live with some other girl?
I don't care if they're "just friends".
They could both say "trust us" until
they're blue in the face but I would
always hate it. I was pissed off at him
enough when he told me that she stayed at
his house a few times (AFTER he and I
started dating again) even though he
claimed that he got drunk and passed out
and she stayed up all night.
And the worst part is that he always gets
really jealous any time some guy comes up
at the bar and starts talking to me. Some
guy was hitting on me last weekend, and I
was not flirting with the guy whatsoever
(I pointed out to the guy who my boyfriend
was) and he lectures me about trust and if
I ever cheated on him and whatnot. He
also flipped out when I got drunk and
passed out at a guy friend's house last
year. I know that looked back, but he
right out and told me that his friend
stayed over at his house. When I just
read this back to myself, it sounds even
more ridiculous!
So when we talked tonight he said that he,
I and his friend should all sit down and
talk about it. Not like that's going to
change my mind. He said that he'll get an
apartment by himself and that when I find
a job up there that we should get a two
bedroom aaprtment and that his friend
should live with us. Maybe I'm
overreacting, but I don't want to share my
boyfriend with some girl who's known
around town as a prostitute. I don't even
want her to live with him when we're
living together. If he does decide to
live withher, I'm breaking up with him.
What do you think?
I don't think you are over reacting. I
think that i would have a problem with him
living with a girl he 'made out' with
while on a break....LOL (ross and rachel)
Anyway, i would break up with him. I
wouldn't have a problem with him living
with a girl friend that he didn't have a
prior attraction too. Make since?
Good luck...and the stress you'll have if
they do move intogether and you decide to
stay together may just be too much for you
to handle.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 05-02-07 08:13am
miasmamma
wrote:
I don't think you are over
reacting. I think that i would have a
problem with him living with a girl he
'made out' with while on a break....LOL
(ross and rachel)
Anyway, i would break up with him. I
wouldn't have a problem with him living
with a girl friend that he didn't have a
prior attraction too. Make since?
Good luck...and the stress you'll have if
they do move intogether and you decide to
stay together may just be too much for you
to handle.
I agree.Even her staying at his house and
he used the excuse he was wasted and
passed out and she stayed up all night?! I
wuoldn't believe that one bit.If he moves
in with her break it off.Obviously he
isn't willing to wait for you and he wants
this other female in his life somehow.
|
jayjota3133
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 5
Posted: 05-02-07 10:10am
I agree that the stress would be too much,
too many what ifs flating up there. I
think that their should ever be any damn
reason why a couple should ever, never,
ever, ever, ever, have a third roommate
(unless you need the extra income for rent
or anything else, or unless its some
contribution to humanity thing you know
helping others in times of need) . I don't
know about your boyfriend, but I like it
ALL over the apartment. The sofa, the
kitchen, the dryer machine, the fridge,
the stove, the doorway entrance, theirs
just sooo many things that I would love to
do, that I cannot do with another
roommate. What would be the point of
having her live their anyway? Cause theyre
friends, and you can all have a good time?
getting wasted all the time? please,
theirs more to life than that. It seems to
me like you have your priorities straight,
and are a fantastic woman, That guy is
extremely fortunate to have such a strong
priority driven woman by his side. I had
more I wanted to say, but I forgot at this
moment, i'll tell you again when I
remember.
|
Honekaur
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2006 Posts: 56
Posted: 05-02-07 17:02pm
Thank you for replying, everyone. I
suppose at this point I should clarify a
little bit. I did hang out with his
friend a few times and I asked her right
out if there was ever anything going on
between her and my boyfriend and she said
no, that they only made out once when my
boyfriend and I were broken up (I had sex
with two different guys when we were
broken up, so I'm not mad about that at
all). The night before she went out of
town she cried on my shoulder for two
hours over some ex-boyfriend, which in
that time I also got her to admit what
other people she's slept with! But that's
besides the point. It doesn't seem to me
like she's really interested in my
boyfriend, but you never know.
My boyfriend wants all of us to live
together because I'm horribly in debt so
I'm quite poor, and he and his friend make
very little money. As for her staying at
my boyfriend's house, I guess she has an
abusive father who kicks her out of the
house a lot. She did stay over one night
when I was there and the only thing she
did was use my boyfriend's computer all
night (which is what my boyfriend claims
she does every time she goes over there).
Although I can't figure out why she moved
back up here in the first place before she
found a place to stay!
My mind is totally made up, there is no
way in hell those two are living together
if I'm not there. I don't even like the
idea of her living with us for privacy
reasons of course. I told my boyfriend
this and he said that he wouldn't live
with her, he'd only let her stay over if
she had nowhere else to go. Their stories
seem valid, but then again, they're also
60 miles away. Of course his friends
would back him up with anything he says.
Who knows, one night they could both be
drunk, something could happen and ever
know! And I don't want to constantly be
worried about this. My relationship
should be one thing that I don't have to
stress over right now!
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 05-03-07 07:39am
so true girl! I think your thinking in a
good positive manner and as long as you
two keep the waves of communication
open,it should be fine. Trust is a hard
thing to get,but an easy thing to break!
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 263 Location: Japan
Posted: 05-07-07 19:08pm
I can see how you are worried about the
whole thing. But if it is true, your BF is
a good guy making sure a friend of his is
not getting beaten around.
If this is the true situation, you could
wind up looking like the evil one here.
You also might lose your man.
In the end it comes down to how much you
trust him, and how much he values your
relationship as opposed to his friendship
with this other girl.
Push and comment, but do not do it too
hard or it all might backfire on you.
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