Joined: 21 Apr 2007 Posts: 111 Location: Australia
I Am So Confused, Help!!!!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 05-04-07 09:06am
hey everyone, i really need some guidence
here, im 18, been in reationship for 2
years, my bf and i used to b like
bestfriends and all that, lately i just
havent felt like sex, i get pissed off
easilly, im basicly depressed (self
diagnotion) and i just want to talk to
sumone that i dont have to b face to face
with. tonight my bf went to the pub with
his mate, got smashed and every friggen
friday night i end up takin care of him,
he was throwing up, wasting his money once
again andi was was once again takin care
of him, i have absolutely no friends, i
have best friends on the other side of
australia and a best friesnd thst lives an
hour away, i love them all to bits but he
gets angry when i got to visit her in
perth caz i hav "hooked up" with afew
friends of my friends up there when we
where broken up. i just want to cry my
heart out. Anyway my bf started gettin
angry at me tonight after he hd thrown up
and left, leaving me with his friend (who
i had also "hooked up" with (me and my bf
where broken up and i went through a
stage, only caz i lost my virginity to my
bf caz i was waiting, and i wanted to see
what other guys where like) and medical
question he walked bak home and passed
out, i got here and medical question, i
just feel like cutting like i have done in
the past, i dont know what to do, i want
to be with friends and have friends, i
want to b able to go out and have nothing
to worry about, there are so many good
sides of our relationship but there are so
many bad sides, im not suhre if i love him
any more, i dont know what to think
anymore, i love him with ll my heart but i
dont know, i am realy confused, i know you
only live once, he is the sort of guy i
want to marry and had kids with and grow
old with but at the moment i look at to
many other guys and have a ""crush on them
and want to get in the sack with them"
when me and my bf broke up for 3 months i
only had sex with one other guy afew times
and he ended up treating me like caca and
i just dontknow, i want to b able to go to
my mates house and get drunk and have fun
and hook up with who i am attracted to
like any 18 year old and not feel guilty
but i guess you cant have everything, what
do i do, tell him i want a break or what,
other thing, he has no where to go, his
mother if drug messed health forum and i
hate her and she hates me but we dont act
like it infront of my bf, and he has no
one else, he has no one and in a way i
feel sorry for him, ,my mum has seriously
givin him a roof over his head and food in
his stomach and we r living in the same
room and i just dont know, i could go on
for ever but medical question, plz help
me, HELP ME. i will b forever in your
debt, tell me what to do, thats all i need
guidence, adice, knowledge of a wise one
lo, sorry but thnks for your time love me
xoxoxoox
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-04-07 10:28am
Okay hun. First, are you or he out of
highschool? Do you know what you want to
do as far as a job? I think both you and
he need to either go to college or gets
jobs so you can start being real adults
and support yourselves.
Him getting drunk once a week on fridays
isn't a huge deal, but it can be an
annoyance.
My question to you is... why don't you go
out? Why don't you hang out with your
friends? You said they were far away... Is
there any groups you can join in your
local area that are of interest to you? It
sounds like you need to make new friends.
Is your boyfriend angry when you go out?
You need to tally the good and bad points
of your relationship. Don't just look at
how many good vs bad things you have, but
weigh how serious each of those things
are. Maybe he makes you laugh, but if he's
a drug dealer (just an example) no amount
of laughs is going to make that okay.
I recently had a friend who was with a guy
she'd been with for 6 years; more than all
of highschool. She was very afraid to
break up with him, but when she finally
got down to it, to the core issues, she
realised that she wasn't happy anymore.
They broke up, and she has a new
boyfriend, the guy who was just waiting
there and she never knew. She is
absolutely blissful now. She is so much
happier.
If your boyfriend makes you sad and angry
more than he makes you happy, then perhaps
he's no longer the right person for you.
You shouldn't keep dating him just because
he has "no where to go". That's
sacrificing your own happiness for no good
reason. He sounds a bit loke a loser. I'm
sure he has his good points but if he is
unemployed, living at your mum's house,
and getting drunk every week, well, that's
just not good. That's not husband or
father material.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 05-04-07 10:57am
I agree with ^^^^.He doens't sound like
someone you would want to have children
with.You need to worry about yo,not him.He
is screwing things up so he can find a
place to stay.basically it sounds like he
is using this situation to his advantage!
|
*Vanessa*
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2007 Posts: 111 Location: Australia
Posted: 05-04-07 11:42am
hey guys thankz, he is employed $500 a
week, he gets smashed at least twice a
week, its no problem to me if he was drunk
came home, passed out but... the thing is,
we argue evrytime, he either gets in a
huge fight or gets dropped off by the cops
caz he was so drunk. i promise you im not
one of those up tight prissy girls that
has total control ofer her bf but i like
to think about his safety and all that.
also i have a serious case of depression
and im in that state that im like, what is
the point of going to the doctors or the
point of getting friends, im like a chik
that has 5 close friends and fidns it hard
to make any others, i have lost interest
in everything and i do seriously think it
is my fault our relationship is suffering,
there is so much i want to say so i think
im just going to talk to a councilor about
it caz i dont want to write anymore....
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 05-04-07 12:37pm
*Vanessa*
wrote:
hey guys thankz, he is
employed $500 a week, he gets smashed at
least twice a week, its no problem to me
if he was drunk came home, passed out
but... the thing is, we argue evrytime, he
either gets in a huge fight or gets
dropped off by the cops caz he was so
drunk. i promise you im not one of those
up tight prissy girls that has total
control ofer her bf but i like to think
about his safety and all that.
also i have a serious case of depression
and im in that state that im like, what is
the point of going to the doctors or the
point of getting friends, im like a chik
that has 5 close friends and fidns it hard
to make any others, i have lost interest
in everything and i do seriously think it
is my fault our relationship is suffering,
there is so much i want to say so i think
im just going to talk to a councilor about
it caz i dont want to write
anymore....
talking to a councelor is
a good idea.I don't think its your fault
and you shouldn't either.you don't make
him act that way.If your not happy it's
because of him not you.good luck
|
paul995
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Apr 2007 Posts: 140 Location: ,
Posted: 05-04-07 23:41pm
i think it's not just you who's confused
but also the guy. from the looks of it, i
don't think it's a healthy relationship.
give yourself some time to think about the
relationhsip - if it's worth keeping or
not. If you think it is, help your guy
understand that you are, in fact, hurt
with his drinking and all. Help him
change. After all, that's what
relationships are all about. You should
not become stagnat. If you think there
something wrong with your relationship,
act on it before it gets worst. You don't
want that to happen especially that you
said you would like him to be your hubby
and have children with someday. If all
else fail, then it's time for you to bid
goodbye. Initiate it yourself. If you
think it's not healthy to continue
anymore, have to courage to end it.
Because you also have to think of yourself
and not just him. If you think that both
of you are not growing anymore as couples
and individuals, then put a halt on it.
But then again, it's your decision. Just
decide wisely. Weigh things. And good
luck!
|
*Vanessa*
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2007 Posts: 111 Location: Australia
Posted: 05-09-07 23:31pm
thanks guys, i want to end it ut i dont..
im so confused like you wouldnt believe.
We have been together for 2 years, through
the good and the bad, and been best
friends for the year before we got
together. I love him like i love my mum,
its just there... do you know what i mean,
its there but i may not show it even no it
will always be there, i dont know if this
is normal or not? i want to be able to go
to a friends party and have a good time
and whatever happened happenes, and not
have to worry about all that, but i just
dont know. with his living situation, i
am not only going out with him so he has a
place, but the situation is, before i came
along he wasl iving with his mum who is a
drug attict and his mums abbusive
boyfriend. but when by bf was still
living with his mum after we went out the
mum and boyfriend broke up and my mum took
my bf sam and his mum in because she does
that kind of thing, it was a huge mistake
and sam's mum caused my mum some grief
well alot of grief and my mum kicked her
out, but sam stayed, that went on for a
while, then me and my bf moved in with my
bf's mum and caca hit the fan, she was
always coming down from drugs and yelling
at sam and i, i always tell sam i will
support him in everything but i finally
convinced him to move bak into my mums
with me, she welcomed us with open arms,
now he has his apprentiship up and running
again and all that, but after we broke up
for afew months 9afew months ago) i made
myself think that this was forgood and
tryed moving on, and did move on, now i
love him but not the way i used to, he is
sad caz i "yell" at him, i never show
love, i am depressed may i add, i just no
that if he has to move out of here is i
dump him, then he will literally have no
where to go, his mum is living with a drug
dealer, and i seriously think i was sent
to help him, he is the nicest kid in a
medical question life and i helped him out
through the ruff caca and now he has come
out shinning. i dont want to dump him i
just an really confused about my emotions
and everything, i think it might be the
depession.
i dont expect anyone to read this or reply
i just sorta started writing.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 05-10-07 06:28am
I understand your worried about his living
situation but its really not your problem
sweetieI'm sure if he was worried about it
that much he would show it.Think about
this,do you want to live the rest of your
life not being able to go out wioth your
friends,not able to have fun but only to
come home from work and wait for him to
get home all wasted,and have to take care
of him for the rest of your life?Maybe
that is part of the reason your
depressed?you already said you were able
to move on once so I believe you can do it
again.You seem like a very strong person
and that is awesome!what helped me was
thinking "do I want to live like this
forever?" "what does my ideal realtionship
sound like and what is this one?is this
what I really *really* want?" just some
things to think about.Please keep me
updated!good luck with everything!
|
*Vanessa*
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2007 Posts: 111 Location: Australia
Posted: 06-12-07 00:35am
~*~Melissa~*~
wrote:
I understand your worried
about his living situation but its really
not your problem sweetieI'm sure if he was
worried about it that much he would show
it.Think about this,do you want to live
the rest of your life not being able to go
out wioth your friends,not able to have
fun but only to come home from work and
wait for him to get home all wasted,and
have to take care of him for the rest of
your life?Maybe that is part of the reason
your depressed?you already said you were
able to move on once so I believe you can
do it again.You seem like a very strong
person and that is awesome!what helped me
was thinking "do I want to live like this
forever?" "what does my ideal realtionship
sound like and what is this one?is this
what I really *really* want?" just some
things to think about.Please keep me
updated!good luck with
everything!
Im just venting, if you dont want to read
i wont be offended, it makes me feel
better!!
Hi, i know i posted this long ago but i
didnt recieve an email for this answer and
had no idea you sent it but i just read it
then. i...dont know still, i really dont,
i have gone so far down hill and i dont
know what to do. i want to break up with
him but we have some of the best days and
some of the worst. yesterday he was at
work and i called and everything was fine
and then he got home and i was just in a
sour mood and i was being a smartass to
him and didnt want anything to do with him
and i dont know why, everything he did
pissed me off, then i thought..... wait he
is getting angry at me because i am in a
sourpuss mood and he started being a
smartass back to me and annoying me even
more, and he didnt even ask me what was
wrong, like i dont know if im sposed to
think that but yeah. i lost my job and it
has been 6 months and i dont like leaving
the house, is that weird, i dont have to
motorvation to get another job, i went for
an interview the other day and they turned
me down and i think the way i think is
that im scared of failing or being
critersised so i dont try at all, i have
been like that my whole life, it goes for
everything, i dont want to go for a job
caz im scared of being critersised or put
down, i didnt do my homework or schoool
work incase it was wrong and i dont talk
about my feelings with anyone for the same
reason. im scared one day, not exactly
the near future, but one day im just going
to go crazy. i am home along all day and
its the way i like it, i have learned not
to want to see people. i have been
seriously thinking about going for a walk
to the beach and hanging out there all
night just to see what people do, and how
they react when i return. no one knows im
depressed as hell, i cant talk to my
boyfriend about it caz he's mum is
depresssed caz she is on drugs and has no
where to live, and has had a bad life,
same with him, he has had the worst ever
life but he turned out fine!!! so to him,
im living the life, i had a great
childhood so i cant be depressed, i cant
talk to him also caz the main problem is
him and the other half is i dont want to
lve where i am, i want to go back to the
other side of australia with my best
friends that i havnt seen for 3 years,
they are my support. i still talk to them
and they are still there for me even no i
just abandoned them. i am seriously
considering getting a job and enough money
to get over there and get my own place or
stay with my mate until i get a place, i
think thats the only motorvation i have,
but there is a problem. i am about 95%
sure i am pregnant! if i was i would be 6
weeks but i havnt been able to test caz i
cant tell anyone or buy a test caz i suck
lol but yeah, im not talking to my dad
because we clash but im concidering callin
him bak up as i do every 6 months and
saying im sorry because he is to stubborn,
as i am.
i want to be strong, if i dont want to sit
in a car listening to my boyfriend mother
health forum about him then i want to be
able to say im not standing for this and
walk back inside but who knows what she
would do to sam (bf) have a go at hime or
i dunno.
thats all, i have been so good on not
swearing whilst talking about my problems
so go me yay! lol ok im sorry its long
ness
xox
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 06-12-07 08:14am
Well I read most of that and to me it
sounds like you ned to go.You have so many
things you need to work on to better *you*
and you can't be with someone and be happy
if you can't make yourself happy.know what
I mean?It doesn't sound like he's helping
much and it doesn't seem like he cares.You
being a smartass and all sounds like your
getting to your end with him where you
just don't care anymore and your tired of
holdig back.I know because thats how I
felt.You need to get out there,make new
friends,get a job and not feel bad for
yourself.If you do things like this maybe
your depression will start to slip
away.Have you been to the doctor about
it?It could be a chemical thing and not
just you being depressed because of
everyday things but it really sounds like
you need a *huge* change in your life and
get yourself together.I'm always here if
you need to talk!
|
*Vanessa*
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2007 Posts: 111 Location: Australia
Posted: 06-12-07 18:39pm
last night he came up to me and hugged me
and was like...what am i gunna do with
you. As in not in an hmm how should i
dump you but in the way your mum says to
you when you are being a pain in the
ass!!!
and he started askin me what i want in
life and if i didnt know anybetter is
sounded like....support? imust be crazy
lol. but then he got angry at me this
morning caz i forgot to make his lunch for
work and i went down to make it and i was
like what doyou want n he was like oh dw
ill do it and i was like im here just tell
me n he was like no dw i will n so i was
like ok n went back upstaires only to find
out he did want me to make it so i sed,
well if you tell me you will do it and
then get the *** when i dont caz you are
its not fair. dont say the opposit and
all this things so he went to work angry
at me agen....
and way.. melissa...i havnt been to the
doctor and that what i hope one day it
will do, slip away. im going for a job
today so wish me luck ey.
it is really hard to think and come to
terms with thinking about dumping him and
all, he is the first love of my life and i
lost my virginity to him so its harder
than just thinkin another will come along
caz he also started sayin what do you want
from me as a husband and what kind of wife
do you want to be. ahhh!!!!
what do i say to that, im not scared of
comittment but i just didnt know what to
say.
last night was the first night in a week
prolly we actually chilled out together
and hugged with out having sex, lol, btw i
never sed he didnt try!!!
vanessa
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 06-13-07 06:21am
Just because he asked you what you want
from him as a husband doesn't mean he will
be what you want/need. Yeah maybe for a
second it sounded like he cared about what
you want but he still acts like a jerk to
you for no reason.He can't make his own
lunch?He has 2 hands,let him do it.Thats
no reason to be upset with you! the bad
just seems to outweigh the good and thats
not a good thing to have in a
relationship.
|
*Vanessa*
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2007 Posts: 111 Location: Australia
Posted: 06-13-07 23:53pm
Melissa you dont understand how much i
needed this conversation lol, thank you.
Its hard, its really hard.
i have been thinking so much and its hurts
lol ouch.
yesterday he got home and i sat him down.
i told i am going to change. i am getting
a job and i ahve decided to study
journalism, its not what u no its who u no
right, well my mum works at the local
newspaper and she knows like 200
journalists lol. i also said to him that
we arnt going to argue anymore, we are
going to sit down and talk about how we
feel. i put it all out ont he table and
he took it. I made some goals for my self
and i told them to him. i said so much
and let it all out and it ameks me feel so
much beter. then he told me that when he
got home from work he was going to get a
caravan because he thought we needed time
apart or something like that and before i
sat him down and told him that im going to
change and he is going to change his ways
and all that. now that we have worked im
going to see how it goes and if it goes
all cockeye then its going to be over. he
is 18, and you dont find many 18 year olds
that you want to be with but he is a catch
so im just going to take it as it comes.
if it doesnt work then its over.
i really appreciate your help Mel. i
really needed it. i ket all my feeling
and emotions out to strangers, because i
feel most comfortable. i would never have
discusted all this with anyone else.
thats why im concidering seeing a
counsilor caz i no i would be able to say
everything i feel, and not feel judged.
my family have pushed me to tell me how i
feel and all that but i cant, it forces me
to tears and in a way i wish i could but i
cant!!
thanks again. but dont stop talking to
me, i like it lol, tell me about you or
comment back about this post.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 06-14-07 08:17am
You know what,it's absolutly *no*
problem.You seem like an awesome person
and you deserve that in return girl! Pm me
and we can talk more!
lol ouch.
yesterday he got home and i sat him down.
i told i am going to change. i am getting
a job and i ahve decided to study
journalism, its not what u no its who u no
right, well my mum works at the local
newspaper and she knows like 200
journalists lol. i also said to him that
we arnt going to argue anymore, we are
going to sit down and talk about how we
feel. i put it all out ont he table and
he took it. I made some goals for my self
and i told them to him. i said so much
and let it all out and it ameks me feel so
much beter. then he told me that when he
got home from work he was going to get a
caravan because he thought we needed time
apart or something like that and before i
sat him down and told him that im going to
change and he is going to change his ways
and all that. now that we have worked im
going to see how it goes and if it goes
all cockeye then its going to be over. he
is 18, and you dont find many 18 year olds
that you want to be with but he is a catch
so im just going to take it as it comes.
if it doesnt work then its over.
