Broken Hearted Forum - Another "never Had a Girlfriend" Type Deal


Another "never Had a Girlfriend" Type Deal

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wearymachine

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Another "never Had a Girlfriend" Type Deal Posted: 05-04-07 10:13am


Yea, so I am 21 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend before. I have never even kissed, been out on an actual date, much less sex. The funniest part of that is that I am an athlete in college. I did track for two years here, and now I play football here at my college. I go to a small engineering college in upstate NY called RPI, and it's 75% male. Another funny thing here, is that most people seem to think that I'm some kind of jock who gets girls, on first impression, but they have no idea. I know it cannot be my looks. Many people say that I'm good looking, including a girl here at school, but she seems to have many guys around her. Some of my friends tell me that it's because of my awkwardness in social situations, plus shyness...but I don't even find too many girls willing to just start talking to me. So given all that, I resorted to meeting girls online. And lately, like a couple weeks ago, I met this one girl online. She, like many others, thought I was a jock who got girls when she looked at my pics, and she was surprised to find out otherwise. So we got past that one, and we started talking on a regular basis. She even gave me her phone #...and we call each other like everyday. We even acknowledged that there's an attraction between us. I told her that I find her hot, and that I love her personality. She said that she finds me really cute and hot, and she loves my weird antics, and finds my voice sexy. On top of all that, we were talking about what we'd do if we met in real life instead of online. She said that she'd "try to make eye contact, and give me a mona lisa smile to indicate for me to come over and talk to her" because she finds me hot. So as you can tell, there's this attraction going on between us. She also told me that I'm the only guy that she talks to, and likes (because I'm nice and I never get dirty about anything). We also agreed to meet up and hang out. But then I asked her "what would you consider it when we hang out?". And she replies "I don't know...friendly?? like friends??"...to which I replied "well I'd see it more as casual dating"...and she at least agreed to that...but that kinda tore it...I mean there's obviously this attraction between us...so why does she wanna be just friends w/ me?? Why not something more?? I might add that she told me that she does not wanna get involved with anybody ever again. She even said that she never wants to get married. The last time she was in a relationship, it ended really bad, and kinda broke her heart. Last point...I know it's not my looks...all of her friends are bombshell hot, and according to her, she showed them my pics, and every single one of them finds me really cute and hot, and they all think that I'm a jock who's faking all the kindness and sensitivity... So to sum it all up...I've never dated, and now I met this girl online. We obviously have a thing for each other, but she wants to be just friends...somebody please put some light on the situation...thanks

Tylanas

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Posted: 05-04-07 10:32am


Well, why don't you start out with just being friends? My fiancee and I were friends for almost a year before we started dating. She's probably terrified of being hurt again, and you can't hold that against her or try to force her into a relationship.

wearymachine

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Relationship Posted: 05-04-07 11:14am


well...i wouldn't force her at all...i'm one of those guys who wants the girl to initiate everything...but still...i mean despite the whole attraction thing...what's the whole point of calling each other w/ that level of attraction if its not leading to anything else?? but i might add...i told her that when i see her, it'll be the closest thing to a real date that i'll ever have gone on...and to that she replied "awwww" so does she like me?? if she weren't afraid of relationships...would we be together??

wearymachine

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Posted: 05-04-07 20:55pm


anybody else?? any inputs??

paul995

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Posted: 05-04-07 23:51pm


you know what, i don't think you should worry in the first place and let girls worry about not getting around with you. You said it yourself, a lot testify that you are good-looking and that you're a jock in school. You're just probably pressured with the fact that people see you as this, but in reality it's not. I must say, stop letting people work their way on you but let yourself work your way. Now with the girl. You said she's been in a relationship before and was deeply hurt. Let her take the time to heal her wound. Probably now, she's not yet ready for a committment. The least thing you could do right now is be friends with her and let nature take its course. You can't hurry love, like the song from Phil Collins, and it still holds true today. If you commit immediately, you will have a very weak foundation. Therefore, have her as a friend and build the best foundation of all loving relationship - friendship. Through it, you would be able to learn more about her, her likes and dislikes, and whatnot. Obviously, the girl has found someting in you. Cherish that and make youself a friend to her. Through it, she'll find you sincere. Girls, I must say, love sincere and thoughtful guys. My advise is, don't rush things. Take one step at a time. Be true to her and don't pressure her into jumping in a relationship. I'm sure, she'll get over with her past and look forward of the present and future with you. Trust me.

wearymachine

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Posted: 05-05-07 07:43am


Hey guys...thanks so far. Last night, we had a whole talk about the "friends" thing. I told her that I would love it if she were my girlfriend, but that being friends would be just fine too. All I need to say here is that when I told her that, at first she said "I never thought you saw me that way." What's that supposed to mean?? How could she not have figured?? But nonetheless, she said she felt bad for not being available for me as a girlfriend, but we agreed that being friends is fine. Think she'll ever get out of this little "phase" and maybe get around to getting together with me?

paul995

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Posted: 05-06-07 02:30am


"I never thought you saw me that way" . . . She now knows how sincere you are. The mere fact that you have such thought of committing to her means a whole lot for her. However, like I said, don't pressure her for she might distance herself from you. Befriend her . . . That, my friend, is the best thing you could do right now. Message me if there's any improvement. Good Luck!!!

wearymachine

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Posted: 05-06-07 09:01am


She still IMs me everyday, and we talk for a long time...and I tried calling her last night, but she didn't pick up (nothing to worry about...she might have been asleep or something...happened before too) a slight improvement...a couple days ago i was suggesting to her that she should not let one bad experience let her down like that...and then when we talked yesterday, she brought up the topic and said that she was thinking about that the night before, and she's thinking about dating again...she said that before she was 100% skeptical about dating again, now she's just 50% skeptical...and i asked her "what made u think about that??"...and then she said "the convo we had about that"... to me, and perhaps i'm being a bit optimistic here, but it seems like because of me, she's considering dating again...would u guys say this is a significant improvement of the situation?? and btw, thanks a lot guys for your advice thus far...

paul995

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Posted: 05-06-07 17:40pm


definitely a good improvement. Walk her through then . . .

Tylanas

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Re: Relationship
Posted: 05-07-07 00:42am

wearymachine wrote:

well...i wouldn't force her at all...i'm one of those guys who wants the girl to initiate everything...but still...i mean despite the whole attraction thing...what's the whole point of calling each other w/ that level of attraction if its not leading to anything else??

but i might add...i told her that when i see her, it'll be the closest thing to a real date that i'll ever have gone on...and to that she replied "awwww"

so does she like me?? if she weren't afraid of relationships...would we be together??

I think she wants a friend. Are you so focused on getting a girlfriend that you don't want to bother with... a friend? I think that's kind of close-minded. You never know where a friendship will go and if you just expect women to instantly want to date you without being friends for months, even years, then you've got the wrong mindset.

iwishiknew

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Re: Another "never Had a Girlfriend" Type Deal
Posted: 05-15-07 00:35am

wearymachine wrote:

Yea, so I am 21 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend before. I have never even kissed, been out on an actual date, much less sex. The funniest part of that is that I am an athlete in college. I did track for two years here, and now I play football here at my college. I go to a small engineering college in upstate NY called RPI, and it's 75% male. Another funny thing here, is that most people seem to think that I'm some kind of jock who gets girls, on first impression, but they have no idea.

I know it cannot be my looks. Many people say that I'm good looking, including a girl here at school, but she seems to have many guys around her. Some of my friends tell me that it's because of my awkwardness in social situations, plus shyness...but I don't even find too many girls willing to just start talking to me.

So given all that, I resorted to meeting girls online. And lately, like a couple weeks ago, I met this one girl online. She, like many others, thought I was a jock who got girls when she looked at my pics, and she was surprised to find out otherwise. So we got past that one, and we started talking on a regular basis. She even gave me her phone #...and we call each other like everyday. We even acknowledged that there's an attraction between us. I told her that I find her hot, and that I love her personality. She said that she finds me really cute and hot, and she loves my weird antics, and finds my voice sexy. On top of all that, we were talking about what we'd do if we met in real life instead of online. She said that she'd "try to make eye contact, and give me a mona lisa smile to indicate for me to come over and talk to her" because she finds me hot.

So as you can tell, there's this attraction going on between us. She also told me that I'm the only guy that she talks to, and likes (because I'm nice and I never get dirty about anything). We also agreed to meet up and hang out. But then I asked her "what would you consider it when we hang out?". And she replies "I don't know...friendly?? like friends??"...to which I replied "well I'd see it more as casual dating"...and she at least agreed to that...but that kinda tore it...I mean there's obviously this attraction between us...so why does she wanna be just friends w/ me?? Why not something more??

I might add that she told me that she does not wanna get involved with anybody ever again. She even said that she never wants to get married. The last time she was in a relationship, it ended really bad, and kinda broke her heart.

Last point...I know it's not my looks...all of her friends are bombshell hot, and according to her, she showed them my pics, and every single one of them finds me really cute and hot, and they all think that I'm a jock who's faking all the kindness and sensitivity...

So to sum it all up...I've never dated, and now I met this girl online. We obviously have a thing for each other, but she wants to be just friends...somebody please put some light on the situation...thanks

Your not alone..I know the feeling...I am 29 yrs old and I never had a gf, never had a date yet and the worst part I never kissed a girl yet..Its not easy at all

wearymachine

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Posted: 10-27-07 23:33pm


yea so about her, she's going out w/ another guy now...ah well...i was just lookin thru this post i made a while back and figured i'd respond... i dont even care anymore...its hopeless for me...i might as well just focus my life on a job and competitive weightlifting...

Maddie34

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Posted: 10-27-07 23:58pm


It's not hopeless. If you're tired of waiting for the right girl to just stumble across your path then go out and look for one. People can say that they "prefer the other makes the move" but really, is it going to matter if you're the one that initiates it or not? All through high school I just called myself "old fashioned" and wanted the guy to make the first move. But if I didn't suck it up and go after the guy I'm with now I would never have gotten with him. Sometimes you just need to take a chance.

The Godly One

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Posted: 10-28-07 01:36am

wearymachine wrote:

yea so about her, she's going out w/ another guy now...ah well...i was just lookin thru this post i made a while back and figured i'd respond...

i dont even care anymore...its hopeless for me...i might as well just focus my life on a job and competitive weightlifting...

Guy, it is actually a simple mistake that you made.

This may sound cliché but you did give an impression of desperation when you first met her with the whole "casual dating" thing.

It was a doomed from the get go.

Just don't make the same mistake again.

wearymachine

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Posted: 11-10-07 11:41am


i guess i'm doin just fine now tho...there's another girl who i really like...she just told me that she really likes me...but she's way down in VA, and i have a job interview coming up down there, so i can't wait for that... oh and this really hot waitress gave me her number, and i didn't even ask for it...so that was pretty awesome...don't really plan to pursue her cause of the girl aforementioned tho...

MMAFighter

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Spartan 117 Posted: 11-10-07 20:56pm


I think shyness has to do with it. I'm athletic, above average in looks, straight A student, life smart, charming, etc. Some ppl have even told me I'm "perfect" (sorry I sound so conceited). I'm 16 and I've never had sex, girlfriend, date, or kiss. Its not looks since a lot of the cutest girls in the school will go up to me and talk to me. I think its shyness. Try to meet girls in real life and just move in for the date. Meeting ppl online is kind of distant no matter what.

wearymachine

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Posted: 11-10-07 23:04pm


well ur 16...so u got a long while to go till it becomes a problem...u should try to ask out one of those girls...see my issue is that the girls that i know around here that talk to me, i only see them once (the initial meeting when they seem really into me) and then i don't see them ever again, plus there aren't too many girls around here...and in some cases, if i get a girl hitting on me, they're usually a bit skankish... and i really don't know much to tell if a girl is interested in me...i mean here are some scenarios i face 1. the one i mentioned...i meet a girl, they seem to be into me, we talk for a bit, and then we depart ways, and i never see them again 2. i go to a bar/club and i don't drink, as usual...and then i have some really hot/cute chick approach me and start talking to me, and i don't really know where to go w/ it cause we don't seem to have much to talk about 3. i have a really hot chick hit on me, but she's a just a huge flirt, and for every time she flirts w/ me, she flirts w/ about 100 other guys...(this one time i got out of the shower w/ my towel on, and i walked down the hall back to my room, and my hot RA had her hot friend w/ her (i didn't know the friend)...and then i hear the friend asking the RA "who's that????" then the RA says my name, and then her friend says "HI" to me enthusiastically) so yea...those are all the scenarios i encounter...

MMAFighter

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Spartan 117 Posted: 11-10-07 23:13pm


Well, my problem is that even though I have female friends, all of them are already taken by another guy since I'm kind of shy and I'm slow to attract the ladies. Lots of "skankish" girls go after you? Maybe you should make a list of the qualities you want in a girl and then go from there.

Tylanas

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Posted: 11-11-07 02:00am


Again MMA, I think you're quite obnoxious to still be thinking you're somehow less of a person for never having dated or had sex. I think it's terribly shallow of you.

MMAFighter

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Posted: 11-11-07 11:35am


Sorry Eiri . I won't be so shallow in the future. Please forgive me. I'll be patient and wait for that special girl to come, I won't complain or try to objectively "get" a girlfriend.