Bridget
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Am I Being a Jerk?
Posted: 05-11-07 09:17am
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ok, so as we all know, i'm getting married
in october. my brother and his wife are
having a baby in august. i don't want them
to bring the baby to my wedding because i
feel like the baby will steal my thunder.
i know that sounds really childish but my
wedding day is supposed to be my special
day and i think nick and i (and finn)
should be the center of attention.
i haven't said anything to my brother
because i know it would be rude to tell
him. i'm kind of hoping they think of it
themselves and leave her with someone for
the evening.
i did tell my mom and she said, "people
love new babies and they deserve to see
her". not to sound petty but nobody came
to see my new baby. besides that, we're
having a brunch at my parents the day
after since all the guests will be family
and coming from ny, az, and mi. i totally
expect them to bring the baby to the party
at the house and i know she'll be passed
around and get a lot of attention, i'm
fine with that. i just don't want her at
my wedding.
be honest, am i being childish?
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mc4ever02
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Posted: 05-11-07 09:21am
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It's your day. Whatever makes you happy!
Many people specify no children
under____on their invitations. So just
tell them that you can't bend the rules
for them. That it wouldn't be fair.
Danni might have some good ideas on how to
handle this because her sisters wedding is
shortly after her edd.
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Dannzibelle
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Posted: 05-11-07 09:22am
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I know that i would be a bit pissed off if
someone bought a new baby to my wedding.
My nephew was born two days before my 13th
birthday and on my birthday everyone came
round and paid more attention to him then
me, at the time i was angry because to me
turning 13 and entering the teens felt
like a big occassion yanno? But also you
do have to remember that the baby is your
family too and if you were to say anything
it could result in a huge family row.
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Dannzibelle
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Posted: 05-11-07 09:23am
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| mc4ever02
wrote: | It's your day. Whatever
makes you happy! Many people specify no
children under____on their invitations. So
just tell them that you can't bend the
rules for them. That it wouldn't be fair.
Danni might have some good ideas on how to
handle this because her sisters wedding is
shortly after her
edd. |
We must of posted at teh same time! Well
my sister wants .Mika to be her second
flower girl so i've got no problems there!
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ladylee70
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Posted: 05-11-07 09:31am
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You're absolutely not being childish!!
I didn't have kids at my wedding either. I
did specify it on my invitation. I do
think people would be dotting over the
baby and it may take some of your thunder.
At least that's the way I would feel, too.
Also, I wouldn't want the baby to suddenly
cry over "my moment" during the ceremony
and then have people "goo goo, gahing"
over the baby during my moment! It's your
day not the babies or your brothers.
Personally, I wouldn't let the baby attend
the wedding but I would let the baby go to
the reception because then I feel there is
ample time for people to give you and your
family the attention plus see the baby.
Oh, I see that the family will already see
the baby the day after. In that case, then
I would just specify no kids on the
invitation and just apologize and state
your reasons why you don't want the baby
there. I honestly believe they would
understand unless they had a lot of babies
at their wedding and didn't mind.
My mom would say the same thing. I think
most grandmothers would say that.
Good luck and be strong! It's your day.
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michelle1981
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Posted: 05-11-07 09:32am
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I didn't restrict babies at my wedding,
but i wish i had. During the ceremony, my
friends boy just wouldn't stop crying. You
could hear him more than us saying our
vows.
What are you going to do?
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 05-11-07 09:44am
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well,I think it can be thought of both
ways.I think the baby will always get
attention but during the ceremony,everyone
wil be paying attention to *you* not
crowding around the child while you say I
do.I think it would be ok unless like
michelle said,the child is a cryer and
thats all you can hear.Maye ask them if
she cries to bring her outside?I think it
would be totally fine if she was
there.even though a new child is a big
thing,so is a wedding and the day before
they will all get to see her and pass her
around!
but it is *your* day and it is up to you!
who knows,maybe since no one really ran to
see finny,this baby wont be a big deal
either?but I bet he will get just as mucha
ttention as her,since your family will be
down and all!
Last edited by Willa Weintraub on 05-11-07 10:01am; edited 1 time in total
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*star*
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:00am
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I would be torn myself. I did have
children at my wedding, I had a three week
old at my wedding that did nothing but
sleep the whole time. She was my friends
child so there was no family of hers
there. I love kids and I wanted all my
little cousins and nieces to be there with
me. At the same time, if my brother had
just had a baby, I could see how I would
have gotten a little upset and would think
that they might steal all the attention.
If you don't mind telling the rest of your
relatives that their kids can't come, then
it is fine to put that on your
invitations. (No kids under age ___
please) People will understand and will
most likely not be offended.
On the other hand, like Melissa said, you
could just ask them to make sure that they
take the baby out of the ceremony if she
starts crying. That is a very reasonable
request. And then again, they might
realize that it wouldn't be the best idea
to bring a newborn to a wedding and might
just get a sitter. They will probably
want to kick back and let loose and have
fun and help you enjoy your special day
without having to worry about their little
one.
The bottom line is that it is .Y.O.U.R day
and you get the final say in what goes.
People will understand whatever your
decision is.
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miasmamma
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:00am
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I wouldn't see a baby as being a threat to
"stealing my thunder" but it's your
wedding.
I do know that if i thought someone had a
problem with my baby being at my wedding
then i would try to find someone to watch
her or just not go to the wedding. Maybe
you should consider that this is a new
baby and that maybe they won't attend if
they can't find someone to watch their
baby. I wouldn't really want to leave my
new born baby with someone I didn't know
very well. I just know that i didn't
really want to leave my baby much in the
beginning at all and well just not going
to a wedding wouldn't be the worst thing
in the world.
childish or not it's your wedding.
Last edited by miasmamma on 05-11-07 10:24am; edited 1 time in total
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ladylee70
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:00am
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| ~*~Melissa~*~
wrote: | well,I think it can be
thought of both ways.I think the baby will
always get attention but during the
cereoony,everyone wil be aying attention
to *you* not crowding around the child
while you say I do.I think it would be ok
unless like michelle said,the child is a
cryer and thats all you can hear.Maye ask
them if she cries to bring her outside?I
think it would be totally fine if she was
there.even though a new child is a big
thing,so is a wedding and the day before
they will all get to see her and pass her
around!
but it is *your* day and it is up to you!
who knows,maybe since no one really ran to
see finny,this baby wont be a big deal
either? |
I can see this perspective but once you
allow one baby, you have to allow all.
Some babies may be good, in general but
babies are very unpredictable and you just
don't know. I personally wouldn't want to
have additional unneeded stressors on your
wedding day, which would include wondering
if a baby will be crying on your wedding
day. I have heard similar responses as
Michelle's from people who allow
babies/toddlers at weddings. I have also
been to a few weddings that allowed
babies/toddlers and it was quite
distracting. Of course, kids in the
wedding were allowed!!
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ladylee70
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:03am
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| miasmamma
wrote: | Maybe you should consider
that this is a new baby and that maybe
they won't attend if they can't find
someone to watch their baby. I wouldn't
really want to leave my new born baby with
someone I didn't know very well, and well
just not going to a wedding wouldn't be
the worst thing in the world.
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That is a good point I originally didn't
think of.
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*star*
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:05am
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Another idea I just thought of that I was
going to do but didn't was that if any of
your other relatives have small children
that maybe you could get a friend or
someone to watch and entertain all the
little ones durring the ceremony. I was
going to get a girlfriend from work to
entertain all the little kids durring the
wedding ceremony in one of the church's
classrooms.
I ended up putting that one on the back
burner and completely forgot about it when
it came time for the wedding. I'm sure it
would have been helpful for some of the
parents. They would have been able to
enjoy the ceremony more without having to
worry about keeping their children quiet.
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Dannzibelle
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:05am
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For my sister's wedding i have said that
if .Mika cries then i will take her out of
the room beause to me it just doesn't seem
fair on my sister and her partner.
Although i think her kids will be maikng
more noise than .Mika, .Daniel will be 3
and .Faith will be coming up to 2 so it's
gunna be an interesting wedding to say the
least!
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:07am
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i've been to a small wedding with about 8
or 9 children attending and it was
fine.(all age ranges from 6mo to 8yo).the
worst they did was during the resception
was slide their matchbox cars across the
dancefloor 
but I guess the card thing is a good idea!
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miasmamma
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:08am
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are you asking everyone not to bring thier
children or are you considering just
asking her not to bring hers because that
seems just wrong...
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Bridget
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:12am
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thanks for all the comments.
i would *never* ask them to leave the baby
home. i'm hoping they'll think of it
themselves! they have plenty of people to
watch the baby, her whole family lives
here too, and she's not going to
breastfeed so that's not an issue either.
they'd have no problem leaving her, they
already have her childcare lined up and
it's a different person every day of the
week.
i obviously don't want a crying baby at my
wedding, but i also don't want them to
have to take her out and miss it.
there won't be any other children there
aside from finn.
i know it's stupid. but it's going to be
such a small event that if everyone is
oohing and aahing over the baby it will be
very obvious. i'd probably feel
differently if we having a huge reception,
but it's just going to be a really nice
intimate sit down dinner.
also, i'm never the center of attention.
just this once i wanted to be.
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:14am
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Maybe just talk to your brother about
it,maybe he will be understanding and he
will make the decision?
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miasmamma
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Posted: 05-11-07 10:27am
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then if you aren't haveing anyother
children then finn then i dont' see it as
a problem. Just tell your brother not to
bring the baby. Tell him that there
aren't going to be another children than
Finn and that you don't see it right that
you let her bring their baby and everyone
else can't bring thier children.
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Becky
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Posted: 05-11-07 11:02am
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my little sister was one when she was at
my wedding and she was a little sh!te to
say the least! lol. i also had my cousins
there who were 4 and 5 and they got really
bored and were playing up.
i had to have them there cause they
were immediate family but it was annoying
and i felt like we should be 'hurrying up'
for them....
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Emma2
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Posted: 05-11-07 11:29am
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i have to say....i understand what you
feel bridg but i guess you can call it
selfish...yes, people will love to see her
but your day will still be upon you 3
...people dont play with babies for hours
on end and i am so sure that baby will be
sleeping most of the time.
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