I Am Just Looking For Some Support.. This Is Quite Long.. Posted: 05-14-07 02:12am
I really need to let this out. This is
more informative and I am just looking for
support and advice, so thanks for
reading.
About me: I am almost 23 and have been
with my boyfriend for 3 years, before him
I only had one other serious boyfriend.
He is 27 and in the military.
Background: When we started dating, I was
depressed and about two sizes too big for
my body type so needless to say I had a
very poor self image of myself.
Two weeks into our relationship he
answered a phone call from his ex and
referred to me as “some girl” that he
was “sorta talking to”. After that I
confronted him because we were dating and
he got really angry and it honestly scared
me and that was the last time I stood up
for myself. He has never been physically
abusive. And basically he treats me like
a glorified doormat and I have taken it.
Basically there are a lot of little things
that add up. Like for example, he has
never told me that I looked good or pretty
or anything like that unless I am fishing
for compliments. I know that may seem
conceited and vain, but it’s the truth
he has never in 3 years. I have lost 15
pounds in the past few months, and
hasn’t made a single comment about it.
He’ll answer the phone and just say mean
things to me and he thinks its funny.. but
its not its abusive.. but he says I’m
just too sensitive. I am sensitive, but
why does he do that? I feel like he puts
me down just because he can. I am a
psychology major, I know what he is doing
to me and I let it happen. I just have
gotten used to letting it roll off my
back..
He is so closed off and is so afraid to
share his feelings so he doesn’t share
them at all. He is a very angry person.
Nothing seems to make him truly happy. He
moved back to the east coast for a few
months, bought a motorcycle, advanced in
his job, got a pay raise, gets to visit
his family so much more.. and I just kept
waiting for him to become happy and he
just never is.
If I stay with him I will always be living
in fear, waiting for the other shoe to
drop. That one day he might get mad
enough to hit me or our children. And he
is so angry, what kind of father is he
going to make… I know that the best
thing for me is that I need to end this.
But then I have all this guilt because he
basically is moving back to the west coast
for me, we have talked about marriage,
ect.... But this is a long time coming, I
just ignored it and tired to look at the
positives which there are.
But the other day he mentioned how he saw
a women that he thought was so sexy.. and
I asked him do you think that I am sexy?
And he just played it off like it was a
stupid question. But to me it wasn’t.
I truly wanted to know what he thought of
me. And I realized I don’t want to live
like this. I don’t think that he truly
finds me attractive and if that’s so why
are we even dating…
I will be walking on egg shells for the
rest of my life trying to accommodate him
and make him happy. I have spent so much
of myself trying to make him happy but
nothing does. I changed who I was to be
what I thought would make him happy. I
had myself convinced that I would never
find anyone because no one would want me.
But you know, I deserve better I can do
better. I deserve to be treated with
respect.
I had a good friend tell me that if you
really loved someone it should be the
easiest thing you can ever do. Tomorrow I
am going to tell him how I feel and that I
am not happy. So thanks for listening…
If anyone is having a similar situation I
hope this helps in someway. Feel free to
pm me.
|
Birch
Moderator
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3963 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 129
Thanked:12
Posted: 05-15-07 15:38pm
Hey princessnae,
Thanks for sharing your story.
I know you didn't ask for anything but an
ear, but I think you are going the right
direction by starting to assert yourself.
Don't 'settle' for anything in the man
department.
I hope your meeting went well with him
today! Let us know! You are inspiring!
|
DPantelones
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 141 Location: ,
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Posted: 05-17-07 13:12pm
Unless HE is willing to change honey, just
get out of that relationship and move on.
If not you'll never be happy not "being
you"! He sounds like a controlling and
very insecure person. He thinks he has
you whipped and can do/say whatever he
likes. That's not a relationship you want
to be in.
Best of luck, update when you can.
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princessnae
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Apr 2007 Posts: 90
Thanks For the Responses Posted: 05-22-07 23:43pm
You know whats funny.. I am not really sad
for me I am more sad for him. I know I
will be fine but I am sad for him because
I am bascially breaking his heart. But I
have to do what is best for me and this is
it. He won't change and I haven't talked
to him yet because I needed to take some
time and figure out what to say. But I am
going to stop making excusses and write
down tonight what I am thinking and talk
to him tomorrow. I mean I feel like if I
don't talk to him oh well not like I used
to where I felt lost and stressed when we
didn't talk.
So thanks again and I will keep you
updated.
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miss optimistic
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jun 2007 Posts: 11
Posted: 06-18-07 13:50pm
wow, although our situations are
different, in this paragraph i felt like i
was reading about myself.
"will be walking on egg shells for the
rest of my life trying to accommodate him
and make him happy. I have spent so much
of myself trying to make him happy but
nothing does. I changed who I was to be
what I thought would make him happy. But
you know, I deserve better I can do
better. I deserve to be treated with
respect."
your friend is right. loving each other
shouldnt be the hard part of the
relationship.
it is always nice to know that you arent
alone in feeling this way. thank you for
sharing.
|
miss optimistic
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jun 2007 Posts: 11
Posted: 06-18-07 13:51pm
wow, although our situations are
different, in this paragraph i felt like i
was reading about myself.
"will be walking on egg shells for the
rest of my life trying to accommodate him
and make him happy. I have spent so much
of myself trying to make him happy but
nothing does. I changed who I was to be
what I thought would make him happy. But
you know, I deserve better I can do
better. I deserve to be treated with
respect."
your friend is right. loving each other
shouldnt be the hard part of the
relationship.
it is always nice to know that you arent
alone in feeling this way. thank you for
sharing.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Re: I Am Just Looking For Some Support.. This Is Quite Long. Posted: 06-18-07 14:12pm
princessnae
wrote:
But you know, I deserve better I
can do better. I deserve to be treated
with
respect.
I am so proud of you
for saying that! that is exactly how you
should be thinking of yourself! you do
deserve better and you should not have to
put up with someone being abusive to
you.Love is not an easy thing but it
should not take so much wrk,as to change
yourself completely for someone elses
likging.if he doesn't love you for who you
are,why is he with you?Because it's easy
for him to be mean to you?Your the person
he can let all his anger out on? your the
mother of his children and he should have
so much more respect for you than he
does.Your right you do deserve better and
you *can* find better!
