Relationships and Marriage Forum - Sex Before Marriage


Sex Before Marriage

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jademonkey

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Joined: 14 May 2007
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Sex Before Marriage Posted: 05-14-07 04:53am


I was very active before I got married. I am not proud to say I have had sex with over 100 men. Should I tell my husband he has no idea and I dont know how he will react. I really want to get this off my chest but Im not sure if I should.

xHOPiNGx

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Hope This Helps... Posted: 05-14-07 12:19pm


I think maybe you should leave it up to him if he wants to know or not. Just tell him you have something on your chest from before you were married, he may not like what you have to say but you have to atleast give him the option of knowing. If he says he doesn't want to know then that is that, you gave him the option and he chose no. If he says yes then you both need to have a very serious conversation. Keep reassuring him that it was before the marriage and you are completely devoted to him now. He may not like it at first but over time he will respect you for letting him in. good luck!! I hope this helped.

paul995

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Posted: 05-14-07 19:31pm


that's a whole lot. and the fact that i get jealous that my girlfriend has had only 3 sexual partners before me (check the "can't get over my girlfriend's past" at relationship). I had a hard time coping up with her past. Yet, these happened when I wasn't a part of her life yet. And now, it doesn't bother me a bit. I feel that the past molded you into who you are by now. Your guy should be happy with what you've done before, for if not, you wouldn't be you now. But, i must warn you, it'll be devastating if your soon-to-be husband will find out the truth. 100 is a big number. When he does find out, he will think that you are promiscuous. that's what i felt and i think it will be the same reaction of your fiance. If he does find out, assure him that he's the only love of your life, that the mistakes before has nothing to do with him. I'm sure your husband will understandand wouldn't be tying the knot with you if he doesn't care and love you.

xHOPiNGx

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Posted: 05-15-07 08:58am


I was very active before I got married She is already married. She is just scared how he will react when and if she tells him.

nightangel73

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Posted: 05-15-07 22:33pm


in my marriage preparation class i took last weekend they said it is very important to talk about the past before you get married. Things like this should never be hidden. You got to be honest. When communication lacks in a marriage it will fail.

Spirit

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Joined: 12 Mar 2006
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Posted: 05-16-07 06:17am


I disagree with all the posters.....................as long as there is no threat to his health.....................bury it......................guys may say they want to know.....................but the truth is they don't and it won't end there..............they'll want to know explicit details and when in an angry mood..................throw it in your face at every opportunity. It's a little questionable that why was it necessary to have so many partners?..............this is something you should work out with a therapist.................a paid professional who will always keep this hush........................if this is part of your past and you feel guilty don't let it bother you too much........................we've all done things we're not proud of..................it doesn't determine the person you are today .............Bury it deep cause trust me you really don't want to stir up this hornets nest..........................and in the end analysis...............he really don't wanna know!

Style

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Posted: 05-16-07 10:00am


I agree with xHOPiNGx. You should give him the choice of knowing. If you were to "bury" your past, it will eat you up inside when you're married. And what if your fiance asks you about your past? Will you lie to him? Always give him the option of knowing. It is true that he might say yes although he really doesn't want to know. However, that is an obstacle that you two couple will have to tackle. Unless you're planning to lie to him about your past, give him the option of knowing. (can't get anymore repetitive =] )

sillyakchick

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Posted: 05-16-07 10:10am


The poster is already married, so she can't talk about this before she gets married. Why would he want to know about this? It has no impact on your life today. If he loves you for who you are, then he needs to appreciate that your past made you who you are. If you are monagamous and loyal to him in your marriage, and committed to this, then your past is simply your past. It can't be changed, so there is no poiint in getting all upset over it now. My husband and I both had multiple partners before we got married, but we are loyal and monagamous now. He doesn't want to know the details of my past life because he doesn't want to go there. We never bring it up because it does not impact our lives today. I guess if he asks you I would be honest without going into great detail. He certainly does not want pictures in his head. He did not "own " you before you were married (he doesn't now either, just a figure of speech)

Willa Weintraub

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Re: Sex Before Marriage
Posted: 05-16-07 10:25am

jademonkey wrote:

I was very active before I got married. I am not proud to say I have had sex with over 100 men. Should I tell my husband he has no idea and I dont know how he will react. I really want to get this off my chest but Im not sure if I should.

if he wan'ted to know he would ask,right?If its something that bothers you and you want to tell him, ask him if he wants to know and if he says yes then tell him but if he doesn't care I don't see how bringing up the past will help anything.you were not with him when you were wild,you didn't cheat(as far as I can tell) and you love him.what you did before makes ou who you are but its the past.sometimes you should just let it go!

flipper

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Posted: 05-16-07 22:13pm


Yikes, that's a toughie. If it were me, I would have just let it go and not brought it up because telling my husband something like that would probably only make me feel better, and him feel worse. Especially if his number was way less.

Spirit

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Posted: 05-17-07 05:13am

flipper wrote:

something like that would probably only make me feel better, and him feel worse. Especially if his number was way less.

Exactly! So what's the point?

"Especially if his number was way less"................Good one! Thanks for the chuckle! Smile

theuscfan04

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Joined: 01 Jun 2007
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Posted: 06-01-07 15:31pm


This is something I just experienced 2 weeks ago. I overheard (not eavesdropping) my wife of 7 years talking to her friend on the phone say that she quit counting after 100 and barely remembers half their names. I was so upset, angry, disgusted, sick to my stomach..etc. and all of this happend between 12-17 year old. Out of anger told her that was something she should have told me before we got married and if I had known that I probably wouldnt have married her. She told me that she was forced by boyfriends to sleep with all there friends and if not they would beat her and stuff, and was basically pimped out for drugs of all sorts(cocaine,heroin..etc), but it still didnt make since that she would allow those relationships to even exist. She had a very rough child hood and her mother(cut her out of our lives a year ago) was very promiscuous and taught her at the age of 9 how to give a bj and told her how great sex was and to have lots of it with many different guys, so this was the way she was raised. Im still in a state of shock, but I keep having images and dreams about this and its eating me apart inside, because I cant imagine her having been that way and done those things. I had been with 13 girls before we married, and I have issues from my past that Im not proud of, but I just wonder if I'll ever be able to look at her with the same respect and love her the same knowing what I now know and feel that Im not being fair to her, or myself if I cant. She has become such a wonderful wife and mother and such a prude, wearing only long skirts and homeschooling our kids now, but she said these thoughts enter her mind at times and she questions herself as to how she can teach our kids modesty and abstinence, when she was such a bad person. This is something that also bothers me, to know that she has recurring thoughts about these things and that it cant just stay in the past, because it has been brought into our relationship now. We just had the best year of our marriage last year when we redevoted our lives to God and each other, which makes this so hard on me and I hope we can get through this and ask for you all to pray for us.

nightangel73

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Posted: 06-01-07 17:34pm

theuscfan04 wrote:

This is something I just experienced 2 weeks ago. I overheard (not eavesdropping) my wife of 7 years talking to her friend on the phone say that she quit counting after 100 and barely remembers half their names. I was so upset, angry, disgusted, sick to my stomach..etc. and all of this happend between 12-17 year old. Out of anger told her that was something she should have told me before we got married and if I had known that I probably wouldnt have married her. She told me that she was forced by boyfriends to sleep with all there friends and if not they would beat her and stuff, and was basically pimped out for drugs of all sorts(cocaine,heroin..etc), but it still didnt make since that she would allow those relationships to even exist. She had a very rough child hood and her mother(cut her out of our lives a year ago) was very promiscuous and taught her at the age of 9 how to give a bj and told her how great sex was and to have lots of it with many different guys, so this was the way she was raised. Im still in a state of shock, but I keep having images and dreams about this and its eating me apart inside, because I cant imagine her having been that way and done those things. I had been with 13 girls before we married, and I have issues from my past that Im not proud of, but I just wonder if I'll ever be able to look at her with the same respect and love her the same knowing what I now know and feel that Im not being fair to her, or myself if I cant. She has become such a wonderful wife and mother and such a prude, wearing only long skirts and homeschooling our kids now, but she said these thoughts enter her mind at times and she questions herself as to how she can teach our kids modesty and abstinence, when she was such a bad person. This is something that also bothers me, to know that she has recurring thoughts about these things and that it cant just stay in the past, because it has been brought into our relationship now. We just had the best year of our marriage last year when we redevoted our lives to God and each other, which makes this so hard on me and I hope we can get through this and ask for you all to pray for us.

I will pray for you. I think you will do fine. She is not the person she used to be when she was young and apparently it seems her change is permanent so you don't have anything to worry about. I think it's a miracle she changed for good considering how she was raised up. That's something to praise the Lord about. God changes lives remember and she is a new person. So hang in there, you just need some time to accept her past.