You wrote: "Have been married for 4 years
and have been trailing behind husband to
Japan for work reasons. Have been away
from home country almost all of my married
life. We had to shift a number of times
between home country and Japan, so with
the language too being a problem, hardly
found friends to keep company. Tried some
language classes, but everything lasted a
very short time cos we were being shifted
back and forth. Friends too are quite
difficult to hold on as everyone we meet
is on a similar routine running back and
forth between two countries. I used to be
quite and outgoing person. Managed to
spend almost 3 years without company
whatsoever. First 6 months of our married
life was typically fine...but following
2.5 years was quite rotten cos of
husband's workoholism and porn addiction.
We would hardly spend enough time together
or intimacy to call it a marriage. That
made me feel more lonely. But I still put
up with it as I am not a quitter. B! ut
had to deal with it all by myself without
help (had no one to talk to about this at
that time). Finally husband got into some
sense, quite the porn addiction and came
to a normal life work wise too. As such I
have very irregular periods and have been
pestering him for a while to go for a
child. Also considering the fact that
everyone in my family who had a child
after 26 ended up with some or the other
kind of complication. So I was quite
paranoid about that, and planned to try
and conceive before I completed 26. We and
planned to have a child this year (took me
quite some drama to get him to agree to
that). But a month ago he was diagnosed
with a Tuberculosis infection in his left
lung. He is undergoing treatment for the
same at a pretty good local hospital. We
anyway do not want to travel home by air
till his infection comes down well enough
not to aggravate or affect others. And
this also means we cannot try for a child
till his medication comes to an end and we
know its safe enough to try for a child.
So sex is also on the "not to try" list
for another 6 months. All through this
time I could talk only to my parents and
his that too over destant calls. Could not
discuss certain other parts of life
either. Have been ditched by friends all
through my life... I used to be quite an
outgoing person. Now I am this
introvert...no idea who this person is!! I
start crying over nothing...my husband has
no idea what to do with me..leave alone
what I want to do with me! I have this
fear that the more I delay conceiving a
child, the bigger the problems I'll have
to face later. The thought that I have not
been able to do a thing right in my life
in the past 4 years scares me about the
future too. I start stuffing myself with
food every time I get lonely...as a result
have been bloating and reducing from time
to time. Now I am back on the rising
trend. I really long for some
company...someone to share my thoughts
with. End up alone at home all day, having
no self esteem or respect for my
body...just lay around all day, stuff
myself when ever I feel like and for no
reason I start crying over the most
insignificant issues...Sometimes I cry
just because I have nothing else to do. I
get so angry at times and lose
control...sometimes even bang my head or
hit something with my fist till it pains
real bad and I calm down cos of the pain.
Have no idea what I do when I get the
rush. Husband seems too immature to deal
with any of this...he just says things
will get better. But I really think I am
getting worse day after day and this
really scares me bad."
Given the symptoms you describe of
excessive eating, “crying over the most
insignificant issues”, “get so angry
at times and lose control”,
self-hurting…, you are probably
experiencing some type of
anxious-depressive disorder. There are few
environmental factors, besides
personality, that can contribute to such a
condition. First of all, it seems that you
are very lonely and have no occupation.
You have no job, children or friends that
can occupy your time somehow. It seems
your husband doesn’t spend much time
with you, either; his work may be an
excuse. Porn-addiction may also indicate a
lack of interest in reality and focus on a
fantasy life. It seems a step in the right
direction now that he's quit
porno-addiction and you’ve convinced him
to have children. Children and the role of
mother can give you a new motive in your
life. Most of medications used to treat
tuberculosis can harm a fetus, but your
husband is ill, not you, so this does not
seem to be a real concern. In order to
start to try to get pregnant, however, you
should consult your gynecologist about
this. At the least, you can have sex on
the fertile days of your menstrual cycle,
or 14 days before your next period is due
to arrive.
DISCLAIMER:
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