Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum - Verbal Abuse....
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Verbal Abuse....

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BlueBird29

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 May 2007
Posts: 1
Verbal Abuse....
Posted: 05-14-07 13:38pm

I have been dating a guy for a little over a year. I have known him and was friends with him for 2 years before I started dating him.

He moved in with me about 5-6 months ago. When everything is good, its great. But, when everything is bad, you'd think its the end of the world.

I have noticed that he has severe mood swings. If he is mad or upset about something, he wants me to be mad and upset with him and will say things and do things to get me that way.

He has threatened violence against his dogs. I have never seen him follow through with it, but, as I said, I think some of it is to cause me turmoil.

I am not over-weight and by any means ugly. But, he tells me that I shouldn't be eating sweets because my butt is going to get big. He has made comments about my clothes - when everyone else told me the bluejeans I had on looked good - he told me that they looked awful.

He has never called me a name but has talked to me badly. He used to have a really bad habit of screaming, using profanity, and talking "down" to me just a few months after we started dating. He blames it on his dad and says he grew up living in it so he doesn't even know he's doing it.

He is 36, has never been married, and has no children. There's probably a reason for that!!!

He also withholds sex. He has told me on several occassions that he was "going to make me wait" and when it happens, its over just as quickly as it started. He never pleases me (heck, he's never given me an orgasm!!!). He tells me he doesn't like giving oral sex. He NEVER kisses me - other than just a peck.

My question is: what form of abuse is this?

I have read about verbal and emotional abuse. Am I crazy or does he have some abusive tendencies? Question
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dynamicdebz

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2007
Posts: 41
Location: Sheffield, UK

Posted: 05-15-07 10:33am

Hi Bluebird:
This is a classical sign of verbal & emotional abuse.
I spent 10 years (some years ago) coping with physical, emotional & sexual abuse. Sometimes the emotional abuse was worse than the physical abuse because the emotional scars are still etched on my brain all these years later (see my sticky post). Physical scars heal quicker.
This man has no right to treat you this way he is doing but it is up to you what you are willing to put up with. No matter what anyone says to you, you will stick with him until you realsie yourself what he is doing.
He is trying to make you dependant on him & making you feel inferior to him, that way he can mould you to behave exactly as he wants you to.
He needs help himself & if he doesn't get it, it is unlikely that he will ever change.
Can he turn violent?
No-one can really answer that. I've known where someone has spent tears being emotionally abused then something triggers the violence. It could even be that you are submissive which prevents the abuse.
You have a few dcisions to make, try sitting down with him & explaining how he makes you feel, & what you intend to do about it.
I wish you luck & please let me know how you go on or if any further advice is needed.
Best of Luck XX
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