I Dont Know What to Do...

Hi redscarlet!!
I know what you mean...sometimes I feel just like you do!!! I don't have anyone who understands me, and just like you, my mother doesn't really care to hear me out nor understand me! I feel really lost at times, and the worst part is that everyone expects me to be there for them, but when it's time for someone to care for me, I find myself all alone!!!!
It's a curse being independent Redscarlet, because I think people expect too much from you, and they forget in the process that we're people too, and that sometimes we need someone to tell us that it's going to be all right!!! But don't worry because I'm telling you now, you're going to be all right!!! You're about to be a mommy!!! Wow! That's wonderful!!! Just like you said, you're going to love your baby with all your heart, and you're baby is going to love you as well. Don't think that He won't and don't let your fears be self-fulfilling prophecies!!! Keep in mind that just because some people in your life haven't treated you that well so far, that doesn't mean that it's going to be always the same!!! Life changes and so why expect the worst, when we can expect the best?!!!

Take each day at a time and don't worry about the future!! Erase the words forever, never and ever! Because they're not real!!! They only help to make you anxious and depressed!!! Live life one day at a time, no point worrying for something that probably won't happen!!!!

Best of luck to you!!! Take care and if you need someone to vent on, well I'm just a pm away!!!

Hello ladies,

redscarllett,

i was almost in your situation. I've been severly depressed for a long time before having my son. I was on anti-depressants for yrs. I would really reccomend, you contact your local health center/church and ask about mom/baby groups and things to do with your baby. YOu need to have other moms around, it really does help. i had really bad post-partum depression and did not take care of it when I should have and a lot of things got messed up. My son's father and I split cause he didn't know how to deal with it and I'm now raising our son alone. I just went back on anti-depressants about a month ago and they're helping a bit but not to the extent I'd like.
It's hard, I have no family around and I am older so I do have friends with kids but most of them are with boyfriends/husbands and I'm tired of always being the single mom. Meh... anyway check out your local services, get out walking and make sure you tell your doc all this.

ive talked to my mid-wife and no one really listens or understands what im talking about. plus if you tell them your depressed they connect it to the pregnancy which isnt the problem with me. ive had this way before i got pregnant.
and things have gotten worst since i 1st posted this.. my mom is depressed and im feeling its my fault. im blaming myself for so many things and im hurting and no one even gives a damn how i feel. and i cant even tell people because they will think either im crazy or something else... this is killing me inside and no one will listen or hear me... i just dont wanna give up on life, and i feel i will very soon...

Blaze made two good points....................getting out and meeting other moms..........preferably single moms. Noone understands you better than someone going through similar circumstances.................ie. the struggles of day to day living being a single mom..........financial burdens, educational concerns............lack of babysitters etc. You can start life long friendships with the help of your newborn...........and who else is interested in the colour of your childs p**p?what they ate today?his/her little quirks?....................start scouting out the local parks, day care centers..............like attracts like..............you just have to sit on the bench and the kids do all the work

She also mentioned local services............the community social services agency is designed to help those in need so take advantage of it. They'll tell you where the single parents hang out............for respite, socializing, support and financial aid.

Okay, three good points..............anti depressants...........there's no shame in using them and if your mom is also depressed the odds are pretty good it's genetic. I get that it's not pregnancy related..............but having a child is something you don't want to miss..............to experience life through a fresh set of eyes....................the total innocence and wonder of young child..............not something you can really explain to the uninitiated..................you have to live it!

Your child is not guaranteed to be like his father was, and treat you badly. Yeah, there are some genetic components, but they're not as big as everone seems to think. Even if they were he'd still be half you in that sense.

On the other hand, you do have to accept the possibility he could be. No one can predict, nor should they try to control, who someone will turn out to be. That is one of the gambles about being a parent, guadian or adopter, you have to accept someone's independance and some of the randomness of existance and development.

There isn't really any big solution to these concerns that would not be a band-aid temporary motivating sentient. Parenthood is universally going to have some strife involved. Usually more than average if you're a singe parent. It takes strength and stability to provide this and remain stable and consistant for your kid.

For a lot of people, they rely on the other parent, the other parent's family, their own family, or friends for support. You say you don't have any of these. In this case, you would either need to reinitiate some contacts (or find new ones like with friends, teachers, social workers, psychiatrits, etc) or take measures to become stronger and more independant on your own. Basically, become a hardworking badass.

Easier said than done though, it's hard to be like that, I honestly haven't manaed being a badass for more than a couple months before crashing. I think this is generally because we can fall into a monotony of labour and forget ourselves, why we're doing it, etc. To remain strong, having adequate rest, regular introspection, and emotional assessments and reviewing of past decisions and whether you still want to follow them, is what would allow you to maintain it, I think.

For you, the motivatin would be the instinctive love you have as a mother for her kid, which would need to be enough on its own to counteract the stresses of the pursuit as well as any misgivings you could have about who the person turns out to be compared to your expectatins of who they will turn out to be. You would also have to learn to get past the physical characteristics of the father turning up in the son as an irritant, as they are bound to call up some difficult feelings.

Due to your uncertainty and admitted instability, it would be good to look into alternatives for your future child (as it is so late in the pregnancy and due to your love for it I assume you mean to keep and deliver the fetus). These can include adoption or entrance into foster care. Having these options open and readily accessible is good because it is the responsible thing to do when you doubt yourself and are going to be responsible for someone. It does not mean you have to give it up. Rather, by having the alternatives there, and easy to call upon, you know that if you do not use them then you are that determined to meet those resposibilities yourself.