ladylee70
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 1912
Location: Boise, Idaho,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Make Me Feel Like Poo ...
Posted: 05-25-07 01:41am
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Sorry, I must drag you through the first
paragraph for you to understand why I feel
like POO!!
I just went on another forum and asked a
question about whether or not to take a
two day a week position that doesn't pay
as well as a three day a week position.
The two day a week position would be less
stress but also less money than the three
day a week position. I asked, "If offered
both, what would you do??" I said that
with the three day a week position, I
would make a lot more money and paying
daycare for that extra day wouldn't be a
big deal. Yet, it is more time away from
my kids. I stated that I am a
professional and will have money to pay
the daycare and pay certain bills. My
working will keep us from getting in the
hole and help us get out of our current
debt hole. For me not to work full time is
a huge sacrifice. We moved to a different
state for goodness sakes so I don't have
to work full time. I also mentioned that
we are extremely frugal. We are buying a
house that is almost the same amount as
rent but it's a good house, we own two
really old cars...etc. We don't live above
our means at all!! In fact, I am the most
frugal person I know....with the exception
of my husbands parents.
I thought for sure some would say,
"Congrats on only having to work part
time." Instead I felt criticized for even
thinking about working at all!! They said
there is no way I can pay daycare while
working only part time. Do they know my
salary or even career field??? I only
asked them a question about two or three
days a week. I was made to feel like I
have been a bad parent because I worked
with Nathan. Did I even have a choice at
that time...no! We all have very unique
circumstances.
I am so ticked off right now.
We have made such huge sacrifices so I
don't have to work full time. To get
criticized like that just ticks me off. It
sounds like a lot of us have had bad
experiences on other forums!! I should
have just wrote a long email to all of you
and had your advice or opinion. Some
people may have responded the same way,
but I know I would have had different
opinions. I wouldn't have had just five or
six people repeating themselves and saying
the same thing as if they are in a cult or
something. GRRRRR.....
I feel like such poo right now! I guess I
am a horrible parent for going back to
work part time. I would have been the
devil if I wrote the same post almost four
years ago stating I had to work full time
after I had my baby, Nathan. That probably
would have made me go into post partum
depression!!
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005
Posts: 8016
Location: Florida, United States
Thanks: 3
Thanked:1
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Posted: 05-25-07 02:35am
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you are not a bad parent at all, woman and
you know it!
theyre just people off of the internet,
and they don't sound like very accepting
ones either, very judgemental. you can
write to us and ask our opinions about
anything, we're here and we'll be honest
but not rude about it!!
i will say congrats on the house and only
having to work part time, you deserve a
pat on the back for moving and then moving
again and finding a house and finding
somewhere to work, all while being
pregnant and having a child to care for
who is having problems himself! youre a
great mommy and they don't know what
they're talking about.
in my opinion i think you should do
whichever one will make you happiest. 3
days a week isn't really that much
to me at least, but then again I don't
have children to care for so you might
feel differently. i would probably take
the 3rd day because i like money  but
go with whatever you feel is right!
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ladylee70
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 1912
Location: Boise, Idaho,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 05-25-07 02:50am
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I love ya!! You always know how to make a
person feel great. I still can't believe
your age. You really are mature beyond
your years.
I am so thankful for this forum. Even if
something is said that maybe a bit rude,
it's not like everyone shares the same
opinion. In some other forums, it's almost
as if people are too like-minded. That
drives me crazy!
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 3165
Location: Vacationland, USA,
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Posted: 05-25-07 04:31am
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Yeah, I agree with .Terra! You need to do
what you feel is right and what you can
manage.
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 6594
Location: Planet Tampaxia,
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Posted: 05-25-07 04:57am
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If you are "getting by" on your current
income and this part time work would be a
"bonus" or a "financial safety zone" - ie
that bit extra to help things along...
then I would say which job would you
prefer?
I personally wouldn't take the 3 day job,
if it was a job I hated, if the money
wasn't essential.
If it was essential then I may take it
temporarily.
I get the impression that in the current
situation the money isn't essential - but
would be nice.
so I'd go for the job I liked best. If you
prefer the 3 day job - then go for it.
If you prefer the 2 day job choose that
one.
What other benefits does each job have?
such as flexi-time?
better working conditions?
less travelling distance to/from?
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kaerbear
Most Diplomatic Poster
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1557
Location: ,
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Posted: 05-25-07 05:49am
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It sounds to me like maybe you already
know what to do and have thought it out
and made a sound decision but you wanted
some reassurance. Well, only you know
what's best for you, like you said. I'm
sure what those people said on that other
forum isn't going to make you change how
you live your life. I guess that's just
part of being a grown woman with her own
thoughts and opinions and
responsibilities, not everyone is going to
agree with them all the time. I have a
hard time when people criticize or even
sometimes just comment on how I run my
life or my houselhold, but you have to
keep things in perspective and think about
who really knows you and who is just
spouting off some words on a forum.
You'll likely never even meet them face to
face. I personally think a couple days a
week out of your house is a great idea and
a good compromise between working and
being a stay at home mom. It's nice that
the women in generations before us fought
for the right to work and be mothers but
it seems like women will always have to
defend the choices they make.
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michelle1981
Supporter
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 7236
Location: Toronto, Canada
Thanks: 7
Thanked:6
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Posted: 05-25-07 07:54am
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Sounds like jealousy to me!
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mamaTT
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 2039
Location: Illinois, USA
Thanks: 17
Thanked:15
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Posted: 05-25-07 08:15am
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Well, if working 2-3 days a week makes you
a bad mother; I am going to be the worst
mother ever. After my baby is born, I
will have to return to work full-time. We
cannot get by on my husband's paycheck
alone, so I don't have a choice. I would
love to be able to work part-time and be
at home with my child more, but it's just
not feasible at this time.
I wouldn't worry about what others say.
Do what feels right to you and your
situation. I agree with kaerbear's
comments about a couple of days a week out
of the house being good for you, and for
your kids too. It will do them some good
to be in daycare a couple days a week. It
did so much for my stepdaughter. She used
to be very shy and 'anti-social.' She is
now very outgoing and can make a friend
with no problem.
Good luck to you.
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ladylee70
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 1912
Location: Boise, Idaho,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 05-25-07 09:43am
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You all are so great! I appreciate
everyones comments. The money would be
really helpful for me to make payments on
my student loan, pay off some other things
and to be able to have a little more
cushion. We maybe able to make it by my
not working but if an emergency happens,
it won't be pretty.
I also think I am such a better mom when I
am working a little. I personally tend to
take my child and the time I have with him
for granted when I am with him so much. I
tend to have a lot better time management
skills when I am working. If I said that
on the other forum, I would be EVIL EVIL
EVIL for evening saying that. I would be a
very selfish person!!
Both jobs are in the same profession but
one has double the work load. The benefits
seem to be a little more (minus the $$) in
the two day a week. There is more driving
but I don't mind the "think time!" I will
keep you all updated. I know for sure I
got the two day a week position but the
three day a week will be calling either
today or tuesday. My decision may already
be made if I don't get the other job.
LOVE YA ALL!!! Thanks for being there when
I totally felt like pooo!!
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007
Posts: 2712
Thanks: 8
Thanked:1
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Posted: 05-25-07 09:43am
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There does seem to be a strange
"cult-like" collection of mothers out ther
in cyberspace who think you are a monster
if you work, don't "wear" your baby, don't
breastfeed, and make your kids sleep in
their own bed. I have been labeled as a
very insensitive mother for insisting that
my kids sleep in their own beds. I also
work full-time, and once someone actually
had the audacity to tell me that I
shouldn't have had kids if i wasn't going
to spend my time with them. Sorry you
have run into this.
As for the job, if it were me, I would
probably (personally) go for the 3 days a
week position. The extra money could help
make a safety net for you guys in case you
needed a new car, or a new furnace or
something ungodly like that. Hope you
find the right solution!
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ThriftyGal
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2006
Posts: 2982
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Posted: 05-25-07 10:23am
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you are not a bad mother! i'm all for
attachment parenting, but sometimes the
people in that movement act like real
nazi's about it.
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007
Posts: 3399
Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
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Posted: 05-25-07 10:29am
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| sillyakchick
wrote: | There does seem to be a
strange "cult-like" collection of mothers
out ther in cyberspace who think you are a
monster if you work, don't "wear" your
baby, don't breastfeed, and make your kids
sleep in their own bed. I have been
labeled as a very insensitive mother for
insisting that my kids sleep in their own
beds. I also work full-time, and once
someone actually had the audacity to tell
me that I shouldn't have had kids if i
wasn't going to spend my time with them.
Sorry you have run into this.
As for the job, if it were me, I would
probably (personally) go for the 3 days a
week position. The extra money could help
make a safety net for you guys in case you
needed a new car, or a new furnace or
something ungodly like that. Hope you
find the right
solution! |
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005
Posts: 8016
Location: Florida, United States
Thanks: 3
Thanked:1
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Posted: 05-25-07 11:34am
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love you! glad we could help!
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vanessalouanne
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 2268
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 05-25-07 12:04pm
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I think that it makes you a much better
mom if you do work part time. You are
doing what you need to provide for your
children and what mother doesnt want to be
able to give their child some of there
"wants" on top of all their "needs". I
also think time away from the kids isnt a
bad thing. It will probably help you keep
your sanity and appreciate the time you do
have with the kids even more. Plus I
think daycare is great for socialization.
Studies show that children who are in
preschool/day care settings benefit from
the social interaction with other children
their age. Don't let anyone make you feel
like a bad mom Karin! And i say do
whatever you feel is right as far as the
amount of days goes.. plus isnt Nate not
too far off from kindergarten?
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