Delusional

I'm 21.
I've had family problems in the past. Both of my parents got into drugs, my mother abandoned the family. My dad straightened out and got back into my life. We're close now.

My sister got into drugs and seems to have problems telling the truth about anything. She was committed to a hospital while still in high school due to cutting and violent writings.

Since I can remember, I've always had these weird thoughts.

I'll try my hardest to explain how I see things...

I feel like people can see and hear things as I see and hear them, it sounds stupid but it's like I'm a camera or something and they can see what I see as I see it.

There are times when I want things to be seen, so I'll close my eyes and open them again, at the second when I want things to be seen (during a certain part of a song, etc) and I have even closed my eyes for seconds at a time while driving because of it.

I don't look at myself in the mirror when I'm naked because I feel like others can see me if I'm looking at myself. So I go out of my way to avoid mirrors, and have even showered in the dark.

If someone says something that would be embarrassing if other people heard it, I make them stop talking because I feel that people are listening, or watching.

I don't park my car next to vehicles with tinted windows because I feel that there are people or cameras inside the cars watching me.

I will imagine that I'm someone else, all the time. I will only listen to bands or watch movies that I can imagine being in.

I also have an extremely bad memory. I can't remember much of my childhood at all.

It's all so confusing and embarrassing and I wanted to know if this is an actual disorder or something. It's been going on for as long as I can remember. I don't even attend college because I fear being around that many people, and even the thought of getting up in front of people to speak makes my body tense.

If anyone has any clue of what may be wrong, or how I can go about getting treatment, that would really be appreciated.

I tried going to a therapist but I'm just so embarrassed about it all that I never mentioned any of this to her, and stopped going when I felt I couldn't lie about it anymore.


Edit: I also stay away from air vents.

If I have to use a public restroom, I won't use a stall under a vent, I won't get dressed in front of vents, or do anything "personal" if a vent is open and I can see into it.