Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 3 Location: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Feelings, Not Worth It Posted: 05-27-07 16:18pm
I've spent the last 10 years trying to
have friends, but they always get pushed
away by myself, or circumstance. I could
write in detail, but I'm too tired.
Instead I'll say that I'm tired of feeling
and being attached. I'm so tired of being
let down or losing things I love. There's
no way out of this unbearable emptiness
other than to lose the capability to feel.
It's too bad that I can't simply eliminate
the bad, but that seems impossible, as
caring always leads to vulnerability.
I only wanted a friend who wouldn't leave.
But how can I have that, when I become
paranoid to a nearly unbearable level
about every little thing?
I'm so tired, tired like an elderly man,
though I am only 19. Thinking of old age,
with this, is a nightmare. How tired will
I be then?
I can't feel happiness if I let myself
feel, so I'll just stop feeling at all.
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-29-07 16:38pm
my friends always leave too, but over
time, over many years you develop one or
two that will stay. i have one. you need
patience.
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Antari2012
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 3 Location: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Posted: 05-31-07 19:07pm
I thought I had friends like that. After a
friendship of 7 years, my best friend got
tired of me and left. I've been patient
until now, now I just realize that with
every attachment, a hook is placed in my
flesh, and when I lose that person or
thing, it is ripped out. It's time to stop
getting attached before I bleed to death,
in other words, end it.
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 06-01-07 10:48am
I feel your pain. Unfortunately a vast
majority of friendships come and go, even
the really good ones. Maybe your
attachments and expectations are too great
and you need to be more mindful of other
people's reality, which is not like ours.
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Shady41
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jun 2007 Posts: 28 Location: midwest
Posted: 06-14-07 11:09am
It sounds to me like you need to seek
treatment for clinical depression. Doing
so will enable you to take things that are
just a part of the inequities of life less
seriously, put them into a better
perspective, and become dependent
emotionally solely upon YOURSELF. Once you
get to that point, if "friends" abandon
you or whatever, it will matter little to
you. Good luck.
