Lonely 28yr Old Female

Having high standards in the world today is a good thing. You don't want to settle down with someone that is going to ruin what you have strived so hard to earn. You don't want someone that is going to take advantage of your success or take your success away. Don't worry so much about finding Mr. Right he is out there and more than likely he will find you. In your line of work or while you finish school you never know he may just find you. You have the right to be choosey that is a good quality, to many women get reeled in to a relationship with the man's false charms then the real man comes out after a commitment is made making it harder to leave. (specially after you have kids) Know in your heart that a man is right, don't rush and the right one will come along. The less you stress about it I am sure that it will happen when you least expect it.

Good luck
Heather

i'm getting married now at 34 for the first time so i understand what is like to be single at your age. I think at your age i still wasn't clear at what love is. I was exactly like you. The time passed by and I continue to learn. It helped having different failing relationships to get the message. I can tell you first there is no mr. perfect. You will end up very lonely if that's what you are looking for. And unless you marry a clone of yourself there will be degrees of incompatibility between you and your partner. And there is more than one person you can marry out there. You just decide to love one. My fiance can tell you of a beatiful intelligent gal he knew that is now old maid because she never found a guy that meet her high standards. Not that you are gonna lower the bar of perfection but you have to find a balanced guy. Personally as I continued into my 30's I learned to appreciate qualities in a man I didn't used to before. Like conflict resolution, comphehension, generosity. My taste definetly changed from what it was when i was 25. So like the other say don't rush it but don't sit and do nothing neither. I dated a lot from online dating and i found there my fiance and we are going to get married in october. Good luck!

P.s: To understand men thoughts well it helped me a lot the book "why men marry health forum" by sheryl argov. I recomed to you.

"I go for the wrong guys and the right guys just don't do it for me."

When people say "I always go for the wrong type" what they're usually saying is "I'm not attracted to the kind of people I feel a social or personal obligation to be attracted to." What makes a guy wrong vs. right in your opinion? Maybe it's not a matter of right vs. wrong, maybe it's more a matter of your expectations for yourself (or the expectations others put on you.)

Having a set of standards is extremely important, but you may be limiting yourself if your standards are too harsh. Sometimes you need to examine exactly why you value and are attracted to the kinds of qualities that you do and are. That doesn't mean you should lower your standards in any way, just that you should try to look at them objectively. I still sometimes have to consciously put aside ideals that I held when I was eighteen because even though emotionally they're deeply ingrained, rationally I know they just aren't realistic.

You say that you're shooting for someone exceptional because, to paraphrase, you think you deserve it. On one hand, sure. No one wants to be dating someone who's going to drag them down or make them miserable. On the other hand, though, be careful that you aren't approaching potential guys as just a set of qualities you like or dislike, checklist in hand. Sometimes you need to overlook the flaws (or the virtues, for that matter) and just try to see a person as they really are. If you have all sorts of expectations right off the bat, a guy is going to feel a lot of undue pressure, and you don't want that hanging over the start of a romantic relationship.

And maybe it's just a simple matter of your busy lifestyle not permitting it. When I was in university and working fulltime and trying to maintain some kind of social life, none of my relationships worked out because I just didn't have the time to commit to them and make them a priority. You have career demands during the week, grad school on the weekends, homework in the evenings... that's a pretty full plate. If we're being honest about it, a relationship should make you happy and alleviate loneliness and give you some sense of purpose, but it's also something you have to have the time and energy to put into. Sometimes it can be a real pain in the ass.

Anyway, this is my advice, meagre as it is: try to relax and enjoy yourself rather than focusing on finding your soulmate. Examine your standards and determine whether they really are as realistic as you'd like them to be. Determine whether or not a relationship is even the right thing for you at this stage in your life, considering how busy you are. And don't be too hard on yourself if a relationship doesn't work out. It happens to everyone.

I can understand and completely relate to what you are saying. I spend most of my day at the office, and don't really the time or the energy to go out and meet people.

It is really not easy to find a companion, and I imagine that it may be even more difficult to do so as an attractive woman (considering the amount of mixed attention this probably generates).

A conclusion that I have come to is that there is no "type" of person. If I am going for a type, i'm going to get a type, and not a person. We really need to judge a person by who they are, rather than by the social category they fall into. There are some quite incredible people out there who may have not reached their full potential, but may display the characteristics you are looking for in other ways.

There are also quite a vast number of people who seemingly have it together on the outside, but are a complete trainwreck waiting to happen emotionally.

Honestly, I'm not sure that it's possible to get dressed up, go out hunting, and automagically find your other half at a bar or a club. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, but as a society we're taught that it is something that you make happen, rather than something that we are to be prepared for.

Quite often, I have met remarkable people at moments where I least expect it. It usually ends up to be the case that either I am ready to accept them or not. When I am grounded, when I have dealt with my problems in life, all of the sudden beautiful, intelligent, and warm hearted people emerge from the woodwork.

Clean your plate.
Be honest with yourself.
Judge with your heart.

And wish me the same. lol

Ladybug, I've been in your shoes. All I wanted was "the one", but it seems like quality is really lacking now-a-days. I dated a lot with no successful outcome. I became lonely and tried to fill the void by dating more, and more, and more... It started getting out of control! I think your best bet is to let love find you. I'm not suggesting that you can't help fate along, but I'd stay away from pick up places and be very skeptical of anyone off the internet. The internet has made many of love connections, but it's also been a tool to players, predators, and weirdos. I'd suggest getting out and getting involved in activities, functions, and causes that you're interested in. In this kind of setting, you're more likely to find someone with the same interests and values as you. Unlike a lot of people at bars or on the internet, the guys you'll meet aren't just looking to "hook up".

Stay away from the bad boys. You may find them fun and exciting, but they never work out. They'll either wind up hurting you or dragging you down. Find yourself the right guy. When he has all the qualities you're looking for, he'll make you happy and you'll know he's "the one". You may have dated some good guys, but if you weren't feeling it, they weren't the right guy.

Best of luck to you!

Afetr a failed marraige, 2 kids and a ton of misfortunes, i met a really nice guy. He was confident and strong minded, he had his stuff neatly in a bag. We talked a lot and he learned so much about me. I explained to him that i was an enabler and that i was always looking for someone to "fix" which is bad. Seemed like everyone i met needed something. This didn't seem to bother him as he kept coming around abd calling. After a while he started to do sweet little things for me, something that i wasn't used to. I liked it. He liked my kids, he met my parents, i met his parents and his boss at his job. It looked like it was turning into something quite nice. Then one night, I BLEW IT. He picked me up as usual. We went to dinner then to a club for cocktails. We laughed and danced and had a wonderful time. As we sat at the bar talking he said that he was very interested and attracted to me and asked me how i felt. Mind you, i was half in the bag by this time, aaargh! I told him that after all i had been through, all the headaches i had to deal with, all the times of pulling someones rear out of a jam, i blurted out that, YA KNOW MARK, AFTHER EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE DONE FOR PEOPLE I WANT SOMEONE TO KISS MY ASS.
Screech!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I heard the breaks slam on in his head. Looking at the expression on his face i knew that i'd said something wrong, really wrong. In my akward attemt to try to clean up the mess i just made, i tried to explain that i wanted to be fawned over and pampered, ya know just a little. Well, needeless to say, he never called again. I was crushed. After he asked me how i felt about him and telling me that he was really interested and attracted to me, i now know that the committment issue was coming. I think we were gonna become exclusive. BOOM, all gone, with a stupid ignorant remark like i made.
Don't ever think you too good for someone. I got knocked off my pedistal.

I've had enough of women pretending to love you just to get your money, sex, or whatever else they need at the time. A sure sign a woman's lieing is when she starts the sentence off with "I LOVE", anything she says beyond that point can't be trusted. Personally, I think what makes most Gay Relationships work so well is the fact that most aren't in it for the Sex, they're in it because they actually CARE FOR the person they are seeing. It's a concept that I've yet to see a woman be able to grasp. Matter of fact, most women will break up a relationship the moment you so much as mention that your not interested in having sex with them.

'Matter of fact, most women will break up a relationship the moment you so much as mention that your not interested in having sex with them.'

Care to eludicate, johng?

I had to take a moment trying to discover what "Eludicate" means, failing to find anything other than it being used in a sentance on some slang-dictionary site, and some website named eludicate.com or something....

I don't think I can "elaborate" any on the subject, it seems to be quite to the point. You date a girl a few weeks, then the subject of marriage comes up, you explain to her that you read its best not to have sex on your honey moon, but instead wait a few weeks after marriage or longer, next thing you know, she doesn't think things are working out between you and her. You date another woman. You explain the last relationship you was in broke up when you mentioned you didn't plan on having sex on the honey moon night and expected to wait a few months before h aving sex.... That woman decides to break up with you.... Etc. Continuing onward as relationships seem to end quicker and quicker.... No worrying with hurting her feelings, once she finds out she won't get sex even on her honey moon night, she'll quickly loose "Love" with you....

How interesting! Can you explain why you don't want to have sex onyour honeymoon?

I think a physical aspect of a relationship is important, however I would never consider doing the physical part unless I deeply cared for my man. And being that I cared for him so much I would never rush him into something, just as I would expect him not to rush me.

You know, the first time having sex doesn't need to be a horror story. This is a wonderful place to learn about how to make your first time as positive memory as possible-- even on your wedding night. I seem to recall a few posters asking for advice in the women's sexual health and I myself have benefited from it. Just a thought.

John, just curious, but why does marriage become a topic after a few weeks of dating? I'm not trying to be a wench or anything, its just I get uncomfortable even when my bf and I talk about the future and we've been together for a long time now. I know it's like that for my sister and she's been dating the same guy for almost 5 years! How does that topic even come up so fast?