Joined: 29 May 2007 Posts: 7 Location: Lancaster, California
This Is Probably the Most Common Topic This Forum Recieves Posted: 05-29-07 21:04pm
I wrote this on a whim today on my
computer, copy and pasted it in every
possible folder on my macbook about twelve
times hoping that someone would stumble
upon it. i am paranoid and in a sense to
prideful to ask for help directly. I am
just curious before i spend money on some
ridiculous amount of money on some
psychiatrists that will just tell me I'm
stressed out i decided to post that piece
of writing here. i am eighteen years old
and if i am a hypochondriac, which i
seriously doubt, this would be my first
hypochondriac symptom.
This is what i wrote down earlier today
before researching schizophrenia:
"i can remember parts of my childhood
where i would here the screams of people
as if they were dying on certain
occasions. from ages, i believe, seven to
ten i use to talk to myself in mirror for
several minutes. my memory is starting to
decay in rapid time. i had some audible
hallucinations today but not many. more
prevalent now than before i am starting to
question whether any thing is real. i
start to contemplate it and it seems like
nothing is really real anymore. i can't
tell anyone this because i don't think
anyone would believe me. i told monica*
about the whole perspective thesis about
how i don't know if anything is real but
it was pretty indirect. my speech is
starting to suffer dramatically, i put
random words together and say them
spontaneously. my train of thought seems
to me to be some sort of paradox. the
other night i started to debate whether
all of my surroundings were generated by a
computer or not, sort of like a matrix
philosophy, but not in the sense where i
have to save earth from bug-looking
machines. i have a serious lack of
motivation and it's starting to grow on
me. my paranoia is getting out of control,
especially with monica*. i question her
for some reason everyday, i continue to
think there is someone else with no
evidence and no signs what-so-ever.
...i hope someone will eventually read
this somehow. i need help and i am afraid
to ask for it."
*Monica is my current girlfriend
i seriously doubt i have any form of
schizophrenia, but i would like to make
sure.
|
Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3769 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 85
Thanked:11
Posted: 06-01-07 22:52pm
Hey, thanks for posting your personal
thoughts online like this. It is really,
really hard to say what could be up with
you. You could be having a first break of
schz, you could have an organic issue, you
could have a drug issue (if you are on
any), you could have a personality d/o,
you could have anxiety issues...
I know this isn't what you're looking for,
but it's best to go see a professional,
and keep with the same one for at least
six months. Then they might have a
comprehensive insight as to what's going
on with you. A psychiatrist, a
psychologist, a social worker, counselor,
therapist... because if these issues are
getting in the way of your life and
relationships, you want to get them
resolved.
Best of luck to you! Keep posting so we
know you're alright.
|
Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3769 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 85
Thanked:11
Posted: 06-01-07 22:55pm
Hey, thanks for posting your personal
thoughts online like this. It is really,
really hard to say what could be up with
you. You could be having a first break of
schz, you could have an organic issue, you
could have a drug issue (if you are on
any), you could have a personality d/o,
you could have anxiety issues...
I know this isn't what you're looking for,
but it's best to go see a professional,
and keep with the same one for at least
six months. Then they might have a
comprehensive insight as to what's going
on with you. A psychiatrist, a
psychologist, a social worker, counselor,
therapist... because if these issues are
getting in the way of your life and
relationships, you want to get them
resolved.
Best of luck to you! Keep posting so we
know you're alright.
|
ProveYouExist
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 May 2007 Posts: 7 Location: Lancaster, California
Posted: 06-11-07 14:12pm
Thank you for the advice. I have not yet
seeked out a psychiatrist but plan on
doing so very soon. I don't know if I have
the proper insurance to cover most of the
bill. I have yet to see any hallucinations
(audible hallucinations occur but are not
too common) but my paranoia seems to be
getting worse. I still can't go an hour
without having close to an anxiety attack
when i can't seem to figure out whether
anything i see, hear, or feel is real.
Most of the time i just believe that
everything around me is somehow revolving
around me, that seems to be getting for
worse and prominent. I also don't really
know the proper steps that it would take
to go to a psychiatrist in my location.
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