Joined: 30 May 2007 Posts: 1 Location: Atlanta, Ga
the Mother In Law .... help Please ! Posted: 05-30-07 08:13am
I know many folks have issues with their
in laws... However, I am looking for
advice due to an ultimatum issued by my in
laws to my husband.
My husband has been informed that he is
either to divorce me or be cut off
completely from his family. This was
announced in a random angry phone call
from his father on behalf of his mother.
My husband and I just married in October
of 2006. Things were fine until in March I
discovered he had been having an affair
from June until Feb. with a girl from his
massage school. The girl began to send me
horrible emails, call my work, call my
phone... everything.
Somehow we agreed to work through this. We
enrolled in therapy.
His mother was told about the affair, and
she was angry with him... at first.
about a week or 2 into our issues, we had
to go to his mother. I had asked him to
shield me from any talk about it with her
and to also change the subject if his best
friend's wedding came up. (I felt really
cheated, and hurt and I just didn't want
to feel anymore robbed than I already
did.... his best friend's wedding was
looking so perfect and she was about to
marry a man who probably was not having an
affair... I was a little bitter.) My
husband agreed to keep his mom occupied.
However, she started talking and he
wouldn't stop it. I said nothing at all.
THEN she began to lecture ME about how I
wasn't trying to make this marriage work
and it takes two people to change a
problem in a marriage, and I needed to
take responsibility for what I was doing
to HIM and actually BLAMED ME..... FOR AN
HOUR she lectured and all I could do was
stare at the floor and cry while my
husband just sat there silently holding my
hand.
We left that night and I lost it. I felt
betrayed by her and by him again. I could
feel my whole world falling apart.
I'm still very hurt, but the hurt is not
nearly as bad.
My husband and I are trying to work things
out. I felt so overwhelmed that I choose
not to have any contact with his mom. I
haven't called or gone to her house with
him. I have NEVER tried to keep him from
her though...I had told my husband I just
need time, but I don't know when I will
feel comfortable around his mom again, but
that I don't have anything against her I
just have no idea what to say. She has
told Jason that she felt that she said
nothing wrong, which tells me that a phone
call as a peace offering from me may just
make things worse again. Aside from that
her constant asking of him to "consider
making a better choice in a wife" or
constantly asking him if he is "REALLY
happy?" Really bothers me.
According to his dad, My husband needs to
divorce me because I am not FRIENDS with
his mother!
I want to make all this stop. I have NO
idea what to say. I feel like I am being
bullied. My husband has been worn down by
this whole thing and he won't tell me what
I am supposed to say because he doesn't
know either....
WE BOTH need help here. Advice welcomed!
|
Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 06-01-07 05:52am
Your an adult now right?...............at
least old enough to get
married..............and as an adult you
have certain decisions and choices to
make. Nobody forces you to be berated,
lectured, blamed for over an
hour.................no words are
necessary, get up, grab the
coat...............outta here!
Your "Man"??? is a mommas boy and probably
used to gettin away with and gettin his
own way all his life. And you've been
married since October and he had the
affair from June to Feb?? Ouch!.........he
doesn't sound repairable to me
As a partner in the relationship you also
share some
responsiblity...............stop being a
doormat.........
................if your stubborn enough to
try and save the
relationship.................I'd seriously
consider moving................to another
state...........................far far
from the in laws!
|
lisa r
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2007 Posts: 16 Location: South Carolina
Posted: 06-01-07 06:19am
Dido, Dido I don't think after going
something so stressful as an affair that
you should have to deal with his parents
on top of that. Of course I wish you the
best, but it doesn't sound good to me. He
has already put a great big crack in the
foundation of your relationship as TRUST
is everything. About the best thing to
say about this is atleast you don't have
kids yet. Do you? I say run for the
hills, if he doesn't respect you more than
to have an affair on his new bride, I hate
to think what the future holds. Sounds to
me if you continue to allow this abuse by
him and his family you will become your
own worse ememy. For the record you are
not going to change him. Like I say run
for the hills and send him back to mama.
Good Luck
Lisa
|
flipper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Mar 2006 Posts: 133 Location: Texas
Thanks: 2
Thanked:2
Posted: 06-02-07 00:20am
I agree with everyone else. I don't know
how you learned to trust your husband
again after such a betrayal, but it's good
that you both went into counseling. If it
were me, I honestly don't know if I could
have stayed in a marriage like that.
About the in-laws though, yuck! Your
husband has an affair and his mother yells
at you for it? That's crazy! She's just
casting blame onto you because she doesn't
want to be mad at her son anymore (I
guess).
She lectured you for an hour and you just
sat there and took it? Man, I would have
left and slammed the door on the way out.
Your husband should have taken up for you,
but you should have taken up for yourself
too. It's like he was supporting you
while silently agreeing with his mother
that somehow it was all your fault.
That's just not right.
You just need to tell your in-laws to butt
out. You are being bullied and there's no
reason for it. And as for their
ultimatim? It's just an effort to control
their son, his marriage and you. He's
going to have to lay down the law or those
kinds of shennanigans are never going to
stop. He needs to set boundries.
Most of all he needs to inform them that
if they want to have a relationship with
him, then they need to respect his wife.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 06-07-07 10:39am
what you should say is she is not in the
marriage,she has nothing to do with it and
has no say and no right to lecture you.her
nose should be kept out of your
business.Tell her to mind her business.why
wuold you want to talk to her?it sounds
like she has a grudge against you for some
odd reason and doesn't want you near
him.she needs to worry about her own
marriage and her own life.you two are both
adults and can fix it without her help.and
as for your hubby,I would have been pissed
if he said he would protect me from her
and all he did was hold my hand.thats
wrong and he should feel like crap.he's
lucky you even want to work things out
with him after he did you so wrong.I think
you need to remind him of that! what
became of the other woman?where is she
now?
The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made.
Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
