Broken Hearted Forum - Broken Hearted Questions Lets Compare .


Broken Hearted Questions Lets Compare .

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meblonde01

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Broken Hearted Questions Lets Compare . Posted: 05-31-07 06:52am


Most of us have had a broken heart at one time or another. Here are a few questions. Let’s give some of our own personal answers and see if they compare with others that have had a broken heart. 1. What physical things did you go through when you had a broken heart? 2. What type of things changed in your life during this time? 3. How did you cope with the pain? 4. What did you do to finally move on and get over the broken heart? 5. Do you still feel the pain from the broken heart today?

nightangel73

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Posted: 05-31-07 18:24pm


1. When I had a broken heart let me see oh well i would cry for a day or two and of course i would lost my apetite for a day or two.. 2. Just learning more of why breakup happens. 3. I would begin dating again as soon as possible. Why waste my time thinking in man non worthy of my time when I can go meet new men. There is plenty of men out there. 4. Well let me see, I still feel pain if I think of how one of my exes broke up with me, with an email after we were a year together and we never had a fight during our relationship, we had a very peaceful relationship (he didn't even call me on the phone to breakup, not even accepted my calls). I think this has been the biggest humiliation somebody ever done to me. But oh well people will do bad to you in life so what can you do. We will always remember with pain but we should not let that affect our lives. I had several other bf's afterwards and never again any other broke up with me with an email lol! I made sure to tell them in the begining of the relationship what that guy did to me to make sure they wouldn't do that hehehe.

entices1

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Let's Compare Posted: 06-02-07 08:31am


1. What physical things did you go through when you had a broken heart? I cried a great deal, I had all kinds of dreams about "him"--nothng I could put my finger on (no recurring theme), but I'd wake up very upset and it would take a great deal of time to get back to sleep. I avoided food for a very long time (I'm prolly a closet anorexic). 2. What type of things changed in your life during this time? I realized that, at least with my "first love" that a relationship had to be among equals. It was more of a "master-slave" relationship because I had this idea that one gives freely of oneself to the other. After awhile I think I was doing all the giving. I realized that he was insecure and I allowed him to manipulate me when he was having one of his bouts. I decided I wouldn't make the same mistake again (but I did, everyone does--some lessons are hard to learn ) 3. How did you cope with the pain? I kept a journal, I moved forward numbly (initially), I prayed a great deal, I tried to seek out things that would make me happy. I thought of different scenarios I could take now that I was "free". Mostly I let time take its course. One thing I DID NOT do was to try and contact him, ride by his place, any of that kind of thing. "We" were lucky in that we had different friends and moved in different circles so we never intersected. 4. What did you do to finally move on and get over the broken heart? I kept a journal and poured my heart out. I received comfort from friends, both male and female (I had a good support network). I forced myself to keep moving. When a thought about him started coming into my mind I forcibly pushed it out. I licked my wounds a good, long time (average time: five years). I ended up doing things that "we" would have done, knowing that had "we" stayed together, those goals would never have been achieved. 5. Do you still feel the pain from the broken heart today? Yes, when I come to this forum and read how sad posters are with their broken hearts. No matter how old one is are or how far along past that one has moved, no one ever forgets that first pain. I believes experiences like that make one more caring. A broken heart is a broken heart, whether because of the loss of a loved one by death/divorce (something permanent), or because of the loss of a friendship, or because of a realization in a relationship that the dynamic has permanently shifted. As long as someone gives of themself to another (spouse, significant other, friend), there will always be a broken heart. Death, taxes and broken hearts--none are avoidable.

meblonde01

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Posted: 06-02-07 11:09am


1.What physical things did you go through when you had a broken heart? I could not eat sleep or stop crying. Every song made me sad . I felt old , ulgy, and fat. And I wasn’t any of the three. I worked out every day and lost way to much weight. I drink 4-5 beers every night just to fall asleep only to wake up at 2 a.m to cry and stay up the rest of the day. 2.What type of things changed in your life during this time? All the things I enjoyed doing. I could care less about. When I should have focused more on God and church I turned away instead. 3. How did you cope with the pain? My best friend ( my sister) My sister and I where never real close, but out of all my friends she was the only one that called me 2-3 times a day to make sure I was ok. I never really did cope. I went to church just to feel out of place and cried all day at work. I couldn’t wait to get home just so I could cry by myself. 4. What did you do to finally move on and get over the broken heart? Got mad! Decided I was not going to let someone take my life from me. I was cheated on and I did not do anything to deserve it. 5. Do you still feel the pain from the broken heart today? Yes, When I was young I dated a man that was married. Now I know the pain she went through because of me and one day I want to tell her how sorry I am. I feel the pain of every one that has a broken heart. I never knew what the pain of a broken heart was until my husband of 20 years cheated on me. But I am happy again. Time does heal.

daniam

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Posted: 07-05-07 12:30pm


I am very broken hearted right now. My first relationship since my divorce two years ago has ended. My wife of 20 years cheated on me, but I did not lose trust. I waited and met so many women, and finaly chose one that just lit up my heart the moment I laid eyes on her. We have been together for the past year. She has a medical condition called OCD and her world is seen differently than most. So different that it has destroyed our relationship. I looked passed so many things, and coped with so many things, and still I wanted to go on. I don't know why I was dealt this card, but low and behold, its upon me. I just want someone to talk to. I want advice on how to deal with the sleepless nights, and even though its probably best that she does not contact me, but I keep looking at my phone, and checking my email wondering if she will call and want to work things out. I cry allot too. I find it hard to focus on work. I just want time to go by so something will happen. I feel lost. I know I have many great things going for me. I have no trouble meeting people. I have all the tools for long terming. I just wanted her. And now its over.

meblonde01

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Posted: 07-05-07 12:38pm

daniam wrote:

I am very broken hearted right now. My first relationship since my divorce two years ago has ended. My wife of 20 years cheated on me, but I did not lose trust.
I waited and met so many women, and finaly chose one that just lit up my heart the moment I laid eyes on her. We have been together for the past year.
She has a medical condition called OCD and her world is seen differently than most. So different that it has destroyed our relationship. I looked passed so many things, and coped with so many things, and still I wanted to go on.
I don't know why I was dealt this card, but low and behold, its upon me. I just want someone to talk to.
I want advice on how to deal with the sleepless nights, and even though its probably best that she does not contact me, but I keep looking at my phone, and checking my email wondering if she will call and want to work things out. I cry allot too. I find it hard to focus on work. I just want time to go by so something will happen. I feel lost.
I know I have many great things going for me. I have no trouble meeting people. I have all the tools for long terming. I just wanted her. And now its over.

daniam, My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry.. I know your pain. I personally think the pain of rejection, betrayal, are worst than death. Tell me a little more. Did she break up with you? tell me how it ended so I can give you a little more advice.

daniam

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Posted: 07-05-07 13:13pm


Well we met in a dance lesson class. We are both (recreational) dancers. We met several friends there and frequent the place on weekends. Ill get back to this in a minute. I moved in with her about 4 months after we started dating. She and I were spectacular together. She didn't show me her condition until I moved in and started seeing the behavior. I finally asked her about it and she let me know she was diagnosed with OCD. That is as far as it went. She gets furious if its even brought up. don't get me wrong. She has battles and I do understand her condition. But she also has medication that she refuses to take. finally about 2 months ago, I moved out. There were issues with her daughter that we both thought may improve if I were to move out. Her daughter (11) has never had a father figure. Her mom is so consumed with her illness that this poor girl has strong effects from it. I have two wonderful girls and am proud of my parenting skills, but there were too many issues here, and I moved out. Since I moved out we started seeing less of each other. At worst we would go two days without talking. But when we would see each other, I made sure to make her feel warm and wanted. I went to her house last Thurday night and she was not home. In an email she just said she was out later than she wanted. Friday night we met at a local square and talked and spent good time together for about 3 hours. Saturday morning she hit me with this. "Hey I meant to tell you last night but didn't. I went to dance lessons on Thursday night and of course everyone asked where you were and I just told them that "some things just don't work out" This is a simple thing she did but what bothered me the most was that she told our common friends our status before she told me. She also spent the evening dancing with other men, when it was mutually clear in our relationship that we were not going to do that. I also let her know that I was afraid of her judgement for doing that. I let her know how much that whole thing bothered me. She refused to help me with the way I felt about it. Instead, she only went on about how, since we werent seeing each other at the same pace that she had the idea that it was over. This is not true because she was at my place the Monday before, and again, we had a warm visit. I confided in a few of my friends about this. I let her know and she went bullistic. Her last quote to me was that, I kept things from her, and it was just not alright. (meaning confiding in a friend about our relationship) I wrote her a long letter hilighting all of the great things we have together, and that we can go ahead and let this thing (the dancing) go, and move forward. I never thought about ending the relationship because of what she did. I was just dissapointed in the way she did it. She insists that shes done now. She thinks Ive made her look bad by telling someone what she did, but if you ask her what she did, she didnt do anything wrong????? go figure. I have allot to offer, and not only will it be my loss, but it surely will be hers too. But it hurts, and I love her. I would take her back in a minute, but things happen and if its meant to be, it will be. But none of that logic is helping me feel better.

meblonde01

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Posted: 07-05-07 13:37pm

daniam wrote:

Well we met in a dance lesson class. We are both (recreational) dancers. We met several friends there and frequent the place on weekends. Ill get back to this in a minute.
I moved in with her about 4 months after we started dating. She and I were spectacular together. She didn't show me her condition until I moved in and started seeing the behavior. I finally asked her about it and she let me know she was diagnosed with OCD. That is as far as it went. She gets furious if its even brought up.
don't get me wrong. She has battles and I do understand her condition. But she also has medication that she refuses to take.
finally about 2 months ago, I moved out. There were issues with her daughter that we both thought may improve if I were to move out. Her daughter (11) has never had a father figure. Her mom is so consumed with her illness that this poor girl has strong effects from it. I have two wonderful girls and am proud of my parenting skills, but there were too many issues here, and I moved out.
Since I moved out we started seeing less of each other. At worst we would go two days without talking. But when we would see each other, I made sure to make her feel warm and wanted.
I went to her house last Thurday night and she was not home. In an email she just said she was out later than she wanted.
Friday night we met at a local square and talked and spent good time together for about 3 hours.
Saturday morning she hit me with this. "Hey I meant to tell you last night but didn't. I went to dance lessons on Thursday night and of course everyone asked where you were and I just told them that "some things just don't work out"
This is a simple thing she did but what bothered me the most was that she told our common friends our status before she told me. She also spent the evening dancing with other men, when it was mutually clear in our relationship that we were not going to do that. I also let her know that I was afraid of her judgement for doing that.

I let her know how much that whole thing bothered me. She refused to help me with the way I felt about it. Instead, she only went on about how, since we werent seeing each other at the same pace that she had the idea that it was over. This is not true because she was at my place the Monday before, and again, we had a warm visit.
I confided in a few of my friends about this. I let her know and she went bullistic. Her last quote to me was that, I kept things from her, and it was just not alright. (meaning confiding in a friend about our relationship)

I wrote her a long letter hilighting all of the great things we have together, and that we can go ahead and let this thing (the dancing) go, and move forward. I never thought about ending the relationship because of what she did. I was just dissapointed in the way she did it.

She insists that shes done now. She thinks Ive made her look bad by telling someone what she did, but if you ask her what she did, she didnt do anything wrong????? go figure.

I have allot to offer, and not only will it be my loss, but it surely will be hers too.

But it hurts, and I love her. I would take her back in a minute, but things happen and if its meant to be, it will be. But none of that logic is helping me feel better.

It sounds like she wanted the relationship to end and when you moved out she began to move on. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do when someone doesn't want to be with you. You can just let your feelings be known to her and the rest is up to her. I would not call her or contact her. And I would tell her not to contact you unless she is willing to get back together because it is just to hard on you. Try and stay busy so you keep your mind off your hurt. Time really does heal. One thing that helps is every time you start to think of her. Tell yourself NO and think of something else. Or something you disliked about her. Keep telling yourself you are a good man and she doesn’t deserve your affection.. Remember. You are in control of your thoughts and you can control if you let her to continue to hurt you in your mind.. Get a hobby do something you always wanted to try.. It help to get mad too..Remeber it might be out of site, but you have to make it out of mind!! I’m here if you need someone to talk to..

daniam

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Posted: 07-05-07 13:47pm


Thank you. That is exactly what I told her. The next move is hers. and I will be there as long as I can. Now all I have to do is be strong, and not contact her.

meblonde01

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Posted: 07-05-07 14:00pm

daniam wrote:

Thank you.

That is exactly what I told her. The next move is hers. and I will be there as long as I can.

Now all I have to do is be strong, and not contact her.

The contacting her will be a tough one. But as long as you told her how you feel and that she needs to make the next move you have to leave it there. From a women's point of view. it can be a turn off if a man keeps bugging. You have told her your feelings now its up to her. Let her wonder a little why you haven't called.. It's not game playing its called giving her space. And if her space is without you then you will know! And you can move on. And you know what? You will, and if you don't end up with her, one day you will ask yourself why you let it up set you so bad.!

ownagesbot

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Posted: 08-03-07 17:43pm


I shiver and sweat and cry, just like I would when I started loving the person in the first place. I don't get love sick and loose my apetite (my mum would notice and id feel embarrased) but I get very angry, put on some heavy music, and either cry, punch the wall with great anger or well workout with a vast ammount of determination. I'll then go through stages of feeling down and depressed, and stages of "hyperness" and "I dont need them, im fine" and then theres back to the flirtin/grovalin stages. Man. Love hurts. Point and case.

everyday_struggle

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Posted: 08-03-07 18:22pm

daniam wrote:

Thank you.

That is exactly what I told her. The next move is hers. and I will be there as long as I can.

Now all I have to do is be strong, and not contact her.

u shouldnt deal with trash like that. anyway the best way to get over a break over is a new chick and thats exactly what you need to do. My god, there are women everywhere looking for guys. Just be an Ahole and your in. Women dont like nice guys, and in my opinion, your just too nice of a guy.

meblonde01

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Posted: 08-03-07 18:53pm

everyday_struggle wrote:

daniam wrote:

Thank you.

That is exactly what I told her. The next move is hers. and I will be there as long as I can.

Now all I have to do is be strong, and not contact her.

Yes women do like nice guys.. I had a few of a holes the good guy wins.

ask any woman. they want a good guy..

everyday_struggle

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Posted: 08-06-07 11:36am

meblonde01 wrote:

everyday_struggle wrote:

Yes women do like nice guys.. I had a few of a holes the good guy wins.

ask any woman. they want a good guy..

thank you for making my point. You said good guy. You didnt say nice guy. Theres plenty of good guys that are Aholes. Women like to feel protected and safe and a little adventure with a man, you dont get none of these from a nice guy. Its in the female nature to want to be nurtured and loved, thats why women get a lot emotional then men do. Im not saying to be an evil jerk. But being a nice guy doesnt help you either. Women want what they cant have. So just dont give it to them while giving to it to them. =P

Sereena

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Posted: 08-08-07 14:44pm


This is a good thread. The experiences of others helped me more than anything else. I've only had one breakup experience even though I've broken up with a few people. I didn't date any of them very long except my most recent ex who I dated for almost 4 years. 1. I won't lie, the physical pain I suffered was pretty bad. Crying every day, the constant feeling of stress and pressure in my chest, IBS, loss of appetite, migraines, aches. It made me very sick after a prolonged period. I had to cut out migraine trigger foods from my diet and try to cope with the constant fatigue, not to mention weakness from losing weight. The worst of it happened within the first week or two and then the pain got duller and I started eating more. 2. I spent so much more time with friends when I wasn't too busy with work and school. My social life was bustling. My health also changed and is still not 100% because I've since been diagnosed with problems. But a great thing that changed quickly was my anxiety. Not having a relationship is better than a stressful one. You have only yourself and your life to worry about, and I was able to make it more fulfilling. 3. I made friends and talked to as many people as I could. Two of my friends were going through the exact same situation at the same time (for the same reasons.) Taking care of yourself is also important. Don't do things just because you have to, take personal time and eat well. 4. Dating someone else just two months later was helpful, especially when they're better for you and more attractive. It boosted my self-esteem and I could talk about it with him . But it was still hard during that time and we jumped into it quickly, but I don't regret it. I felt more depressed than I let him know. I talked about it with other people and read some good books (I recommend "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken.") We're still together. 5. I'm still bitter a year later. In some ways I still love who my ex used to be, but he's no longer the person I dated. I hate who he is now and what he does, and that resentment has made it hard for the hurt and anger to go away. If I could, I would get rid of it soon, but it will take time. Who knows if he will ever apologize to me. He hasn't talked to me in 6 months. But my life is growing happier by the day despite it all. Maybe I can get to the point where I don't think about it every day. By the way- let me make the point that I've only called him once since we broke up to tell him something important. I only let him call me- and believe me, he did often for the first month. It was satisfying to have him want to talk to me (he called me late one lonely night after going to the bar alone- I was of course out with friends. Ha!), but I realized it was just a habit of his and he broke it quickly. Not once did he tell me he had any regrets. So, the point is DON'T CALL. Let them call you! And then don't answer most of the time! It will give you power. I'm proud that I didn't give in. Talking to him just made me feel worse after a while because all he talked about was himself and his stupid hobbies like body building!