Trouble In Paradise Again ..

It is normal for teenaged women to want children. She is not unique in wishing for them ~ you are doing the right thing by helping her see that it isn't a wise idea for her to have one in this moment. It is better to wait until you can provide for a child. She has many years she can have many children.

i'm 21 & currently 19-wk's pregnant. all through my teens years i wanted a baby, so bad. i was worse than most of my girlfriends.

this pregnancy wasn't planned, obviously. but i couldn't be happier nor could my boyfriend. but i will say, we both feel extreme anxiety over what's to come. now, we're both older than your girlfriend, and i will assume you, too. he'll be 22 by the time our baby is born, and i'll be a month shy of my 22nd birthday.

keep telling your girlfriend that she's not ready, because even at this age, i still feel too young for motherhood. it's expensive to raise a child. and i would suggest you two live together before bringing a baby into the picture. my boyfriend & i will be moving in together a month or two before our child arrives. we've been dating for over a year, and know each other pretty well, but living together is going to be a huge adjustment for the both of us. throw a third person into the picture & well, let's not even think about it.

babies are a twenty-four-seven job. i have 3 younger siblings & remember them all as babies. [i won't lie, even that didn't turn my motherly desires off]. now that i know i'm going to be in my mother's shoes in 4-mo's, i'm scared.

also, make sure she understands what she's going to have to give up. i got pregnant one month after my 21st birthday. right now, i'm missing out on going out! i'm apparently "too pregnant" to do anything fun. my sister, who is 19-yr's of age, is my best friend & we used to do a whole lot together. but not anymore. i'm always too tired or moody. she tells me all the time, "seeing you pregnant makes me not want to have children." my body has changed a lot. which i thought i was ready for, but it's actually semi-depressing. nothing fits right anymore.

i won't lie. bringing a child into the world is amazing. and i love my unborn daughter so much already. but a part of me wants her to stay in my belly. right now, i can sleep as much as i want. go out places if i feel like it. i don't need to find a baby-sitter or make sure i'm around for breast-feeding. once she's outside of my body, my life is going to be completely different.

i wish i could talk to your girlfriend & explain to her that she should enjoy her younger years. i wanted a baby so bad, and now i have her. i wouldn't give her up for anything or anyone, but i kind of wish i had waited or been more "safe" when it came to sex.

good luck. and whatever you do, don't give into her. you sound really responsible & smart, very mature. i admire you for your strength in telling her you two should wait.

It sounds like she knows the reasons why she should wait but that she has an empty space in her life that she is looking to fill. That time of your life can be hard because you are just becoming an adult and looking at your future and trying to figure out which way you're going to start living it. Life isn't all about partying. By the time I was that age I was kind of over the whole partying thing. Education and career are things that she can focus on if she is looking for something to keep her busy, but relationships and spirituality are also very important. I have had a strong desire to have a baby at different times in my life, but I am so glad that I waited until I was settled and with a partner that is settled and old enough to know what he wants in life. Even still I get nervous sometimes about being ready for this baby. It could be just a phase with her and she will move past it. I don't think you can do anything for her except what you are already doing, just listen to her and let her talk to you about it, but don't get pressured into doing anything you aren't ready for. Good luck.

It might help her to sit down with you and sketch out a ong term plan. This will help her to seee concretely what she needs to do to be ready for baby, and it will not seem so far off. Also, it will help her to stay on the ball, so to speak, so that she can some day afford to provide for baby. Good luck.