Pregnancy Forum - Belly Laugh's!

I get a weekly pregnancy e-mail called
"my baby this week"
It just give's you information on that particular week and such... It's the highlight of every friday Laughing

Funny... if you told me a year ago that the highlight's of my future Friday's would be a pregnancy e-mail, I'd probably spit my beer in your face in complete disbelief! Confused

hehe Anywhooo...
They have a section in each newsletter called "belly laughs" and I thought I would share some of them with you guys...they're more cute than funny! hopefully I crack a few smiles here.

Five things you never thought you'd say
• "Let me just finish this can of frosting."
• "Would you mind tying my shoes?"
• "Does my stomach look too small to you?"
• "Can you please massage my perineum again?"
• "Help, I can't get out of bed."

Things not to say during your ultrasound
• "Will it still be black and white after it's born?"
• "Is a four-chambered heart a good thing?"
• "Can we see its spleen again?"
• "Oh right, that's the umbilical cord! I thought he was just really well endowed."
• "Is that really a baby?"

The best positions for sex during pregnancy
• The How-We-Got-Here-in-the-First-Place
• The Lap Full of Love
• The Crush
• The Get-Off-Before-I-Nod-Off
• The 10-Foot Pole

Things you'll never want to see again when this is all over
• Saltines
• Your maternity "lingerie"
• The inside of your own belly button
• Your OB's scale
• The word "Kegel"

Signs that your nesting instinct's out of control
• You find yourself reorganizing store shelves.
• You can't let your husband into the house without a good lint brushing.
• Your yard is so clean, you've moved on to the neighbors'.
• You're actually creating a nest out of old rags, fabric remnants, and T-shirts

If only you'd known you were going to trade...
• Monthly PMS for nine months of weeping
• Lacy thongs for cotton tents
• Sex for gas
• Zinfandel for Ovaltine
• Birth control for laxatives
• Going to the gym for getting up to pee
• Your waist for a hot-air balloon
• Kickboxing for kick counts
• Your innie for an outie — a way-outie
• Sleeping for groaning
• Freedom for the most intense love you've ever known

Fun baby shower games!
• Guess how many times she'll pee in the next ten minutes!
• When her belly button pops out, will the baby be done?
• How many of us can fit in one pair of her panties?
• Who can finish a half gallon of ice cream first?
• Guess where she left her keys!

Useful comebacks to rude pregnancy comments
• "At least I made somebody's heart and brain today. What did you do?"
• "You're huge too — and you don't have the excuse of another person living inside you."
• "Go ahead, but I'm not touching yours."

Ok So I know that's quite a few... sorry got a bit carried away. That's not even half of them! I'm 36 weeks! That's a lot of freakin' e-mails! Mr.
Green