AuDacia
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 172
Location: west virginia, united states
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Baby Shower "rules"
Posted: 06-01-07 23:18pm
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is it wrong to plan your own baby shower?
usually the parent's take it into their
own hands & plan a surprise shower,
but my boyfriend & i are kind of in an
odd position. my mother lives in another
state [WV]. him & i will be moving
there in less than a month. it's 8-hr's
from our home state [NJ]. obviously, since
his family & all our friends live
here, we want the baby shower to be held
in new jersey. that's not a problem,
because once the date is set, we know when
to drive back up.
i'm not comfortable with somebody else
planning our baby shower. my mother's best
friend, who i live with right now, offered
to do it. i love her & trust her, but
her life is already busy enough. i'm
5-mo's pregnant & the shower is being
planned for early august. [a lot of my
friends go away to college at the end of
the summer].
idk what to do. i feel like if i don't
take things into my own hands, it'll never
get done. and i won't have a baby shower.
oh, and another question. is it wrong to
have the shower .A.F.T.E.R baby is born?
that was another option of our's. if we
can't get it all together in the next two
months, i might just wait until .Joleigh's
born.
thanks!
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Mommy35
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Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 3165
Location: Vacationland, USA,
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Posted: 06-02-07 06:13am
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It is considered to be in bad taste to
plan your own shower. To me it would
almost be considered begging. (not trying
to be mean)
A lot of people have showers after the
baby is born, but personally .I would not
want to do it. I wouldn't want to have my
baby passed around or in a room with that
many people so early on.
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Dannzibelle
Supporter
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Posted: 06-02-07 07:27am
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Baby showers arn't the norm over here so
i'm not that well informed but if you
don't like the idea of someone plannin
gthe whole thing for you would it be ok if
you planned it with someone and outlined
what you really don't want etc?
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kaerbear
Most Diplomatic Poster
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1557
Location: ,
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Posted: 06-02-07 08:28am
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I'm pretty sure it's considered kinda
tacky to have your own or for your family
to have one because you're asking for
people to bring you presents. That's why
it's supposed to be held by someone
outside your family, like your best
friend, on your behalf. If they offer to
do it then you can make some suggestions
to the hostess which she can pass on by
word of mouth if people ask what you would
like to receive for presents or you can
register somewhere for the things you need
but you should never tell people what to
buy for you (like in the invitations)
because, again it's considered tacky and
ungrateful. If they buy you something you
don't need or you have already, it's
acceptable to return it but you should
still keep track of what everyone gets you
and send them a thank you card mentioning
the gift as soon as possible after the
shower. This is just what I know about
showers and how it's done around here.
Maybe it's different in other places.
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jessesgirl
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Posted: 06-02-07 09:18am
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You can help someone plan it. I'm a
planner and I like to have control when it
comes to thinks like that especially if
it's for me, so my mother hosted it, but I
went out and bought the decorations I
wanted and made the invitations I wanted
and she mailed them and set up.
My friend's having hers after the baby's
born, but I don't like that idea. Too
many people touching the baby and you're
sooo busy and exhausted I couldn't imagine
that.
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Bridget
Moderator
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Posted: 06-02-07 09:24am
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the only way it would be acceptable to
throw your own shower would be if you
specifically said "no gifts" on the
invitation. even then i'd still think it
was weird that someone was throwing a
shower for themselves.
| audacia
wrote: | | usually the parent's take it
into their own hands & plan a surprise
shower |
is that how it's done there? it's also
considered "tacky" for a family member
(especially mom) to throw it.
everyone knows that baby showers = gifts,
for you or a family member to host is like
just asking for presents.
why don't you try to help plan with the
woman who offered?
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jessesgirl
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Posted: 06-02-07 09:27am
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Over here it doesn't matter who throws it.
It's automatic that you'll have a shower
if you're getting married or having a
baby. My mom threw both of my showers,
wedding and baby. I would get together
with that lady too.
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vanessalouanne
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Posted: 06-02-07 18:49pm
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agreed have the lady host it but you can
plan it...
Just have her name as the host and no one
will no better.
My mom and sister threw mine.. In
california it is not in anyway concidered
tacky, and if i had friends who would
judge like that i would tell them to F
off.. Guess thats just me though.. People
should just be supportive
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ladylee70
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Posted: 06-02-07 18:59pm
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I lived in Arizona and wasn't near family
or a lot of friends. I hinted to the very
few friends I had about the whole baby
shower thing and they ended up throwing me
one. I paid for the food and extras and
they had fun doing the planning. It worked
out. I felt a little cheesy hinting but
they were very happy to throw one - I
hope.
I have never considered it tacky when a
family member throws it. I have been to
many baby showers where a family member
throws it. I wonder if it's different
depending on where you live???
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arcadia
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Posted: 06-02-07 19:05pm
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my aunt's threw me one, & one of my
best friend's threw me the other. my mom
said it's really frowned upon to have your
mom or sisters throw you a shower. so my
aunt's did. i would never throw my own
shower. i would feel like i was begging
for attention too much.
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 10834
Location: ,
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Posted: 06-02-07 19:20pm
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| arcadia
wrote: | | my aunt's threw me one,
& one of my best friend's threw me the
other. my
mom said it's really frowned upon to have
your mom or sisters throw you a
shower. so my aunt's did. i would
never throw my own shower. i would feel
like i was begging for attention too
much. |
that's what i've always heard too. i'm
wondering if that's old-fashioned
though...
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michelle1981
Supporter
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Location: Toronto, Canada
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Posted: 06-02-07 19:30pm
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I've never heard about that .krissy.
My mom planned both of mine 
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 06-04-07 13:47pm
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| IHeartMyBostonTerrier
wrote: | everyone knows that baby
showers = gifts, for you or a family
member to host is like just asking for
presents.
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kaerbear
Most Diplomatic Poster
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1557
Location: ,
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Posted: 06-04-07 13:54pm
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| ~*~Melissa~*~
wrote: | | IHeartMyBostonTerrier
wrote: | everyone knows that baby
showers = gifts, for you or a family
member to host is like just asking for
presents.
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It's just etiquette. Some people are
concerned with etiquette and some aren't.
i think maybe it would be less pressure on
people if they are being asked by someone
outside your family to participate in a
shower. Some people just think it looks
wrong to ask people for gifts for yourself
or your family. Maybe it's because it
makes your family look needy and
presumptuous. It's a bit more acceptable
if someone outside your family takes it
upon themselves to arrange it and invite
people.
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 06-05-07 06:14am
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| kaerbear
wrote: | | ~*~Melissa~*~
wrote: | | IHeartMyBostonTerrier
wrote: | everyone knows that baby
showers = gifts, for you or a family
member to host is like just asking for
presents.
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It's just etiquette. Some people are
concerned with etiquette and some aren't.
i think maybe it would be less pressure on
people if they are being asked by someone
outside your family to participate in a
shower. Some people just think it looks
wrong to ask people for gifts for yourself
or your family. Maybe it's because it
makes your family look needy and
presumptuous. It's a bit more acceptable
if someone outside your family takes it
upon themselves to arrange it and invite
people. |
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musikmaker
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Posted: 06-05-07 10:13am
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I had serveral wedding showers and they
were either planned by my sisters or my
mil. My sisters were my bridesmaids and my
other bridesmaids were all in different
states until the week of the wedding.
I think that my sisters are going to be
throwing me a shower for .Luke but they
said that they won't if my aunts decide to
throw one. My sisters are better at it but
my aunts love throwing them.
Because of my family's heritage my dad's
side won't attend or throw a shower before
the baby is born. So I think it is fine to
throw one after the baby is born because
that's all I have ever known!
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