Lexi,
hey, i'm vanessa, 16 1/2, and 16.1 weeks
pregnant with my first child. I don't
have a job and neither does my boyfriend
at the moment. My parents are financially
stable with fulfilling careers as yours
are, im assuming, by your "spoiled rich
girl" post. If it came down to the wire,
my parents would take on my child and
provide financial support along with my
other 2 siblings and i. But aside from
that, we have to work for this. This was
a responsibility we took on ourselves when
we decided to "fool around". I have a
couple questions for you....1st, why would
you even have sex with a guy that has that
kind of outlook on you.....And why would
you have sex knowing that your family or
boyfriend would not support you and the
child? Why did you wait until 20
weeks...5 months...Into your child's life
to terminate? I don't understand...Im not
going to yell and make you feel like
you're some criminal...But you've taken
some pretty drastic actions for all the
wrong reasons. You're blaming your
irrational behavior on your parents, lack
of support, no job, blah blah blah.
They're all excuses. If you can't take
care of the responsibilities don't make
yourself vulnerable to them. Were you
even on birth control? Used a condom?
You think every girl who comes on here
pregnant has the support of their family?
The father of the child sticking around?
Reality check hun, that's not how it is at
all. You should hear some of these girls'
stories. They've come from nothing, no
family support, no financial support, yet
they're making it with their babies and
their pregnancies by themselves. This
isn't about what your parents think or how
bad your boyfriend doesnt want a
baby...It's about your ignorance and your
immaturity. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but
seeing the actions you have taken, and the
words you have said, you are not ready to
be sexually active whatsoever. And if I
were you, I would lose that deadbeat of a
boyfriend of yours. If he refuses to
support a child..His child, thinks you
live off your fathers money...What exactly
does he want from you? Think about
it...The more I think about this the more
i'm feeling sick...I hope you've learned
from your mistakes and I hope the man
upstairs will forgive you one day
too...But like the other girls have said,
we don't need to hear this kind of stuff.
Take it to another forum.
Nessa, I have to agree with you. It's all
about maturity and how much you are
willing to work for what you've gotten
yourself into!
Love,
chanda
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nikki_caro
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2003 Posts: 4921 Location: Right here at work!
Posted: 02-26-04 17:00pm
Lexi, dont worry about it. People make
mistakes and I hope you learned from
yours. I cant judge you like that because
I see you truly feel sorry. And felt like
you had no other choice. Im here if you
need to talk ok. Im sure your still
scared and stuff and all this lecturing is
not really helping. Let me know if you
wanna talk
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Lexi17
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2004 Posts: 17
Posted: 02-26-04 17:01pm
crombiechic16
wrote:
lexi,
hey, i'm vanessa, 16 1/2, and 16.1 weeks
pregnant with my first child. I don't
have a job and neither does my boyfriend
at the moment. My parents are
financially stable with fulfilling careers
as yours are, im assuming, by your
"spoiled rich girl" post. If it came
down to the wire, my parents would take on
my child and provide financial support
along with my other 2 siblings and i.
But aside from that, we have to work for
this. This was a responsibility we took
on ourselves when we decided to "fool
around". I have a couple questions for
you....1st, why would you even have sex
with a guy that has that kind of outlook
on you.....And why would you have sex
knowing that your family or boyfriend
would not support you and the child? Why
did you wait until 20 weeks...5
months...Into your child's life to
terminate? I don't understand...Im not
going to yell and make you feel like
you're some criminal...But you've taken
some pretty drastic actions for all the
wrong reasons. You're blaming your
irrational behavior on your parents, lack
of support, no job, blah blah blah.
They're all excuses. If you can't take
care of the responsibilities don't make
yourself vulnerable to them. Were you
even on birth control? Used a condom?
You think every girl who comes on here
pregnant has the support of their family?
The father of the child sticking around?
Reality check hun, that's not how it is
at all. You should hear some of these
girls' stories. They've come from
nothing, no family support, no financial
support, yet they're making it with their
babies and their pregnancies by
themselves. This isn't about what your
parents think or how bad your boyfriend
doesnt want a baby...It's about your
ignorance and your immaturity. I'm sorry
to sound harsh, but seeing the actions you
have taken, and the words you have said,
you are not ready to be sexually active
whatsoever. And if I were you, I would
lose that deadbeat of a boyfriend of
yours. If he refuses to support a
child..His child, thinks you live off your
fathers money...What exactly does he want
from you? Think about it...The more I
think about this the more i'm feeling
sick...I hope you've learned from your
mistakes and I hope the man upstairs will
forgive you one day too...But like the
other girls have said, we don't need to
hear this kind of stuff. Take it to
another
forum.
first of all I was on birth control and
have been since I was 13. Secondly I can
see how different our parents are, my
sister became pregnant at 19 years old,
just last year actually and my parents
gave her the same ultimatum. Alyssa
thought just like you do vanessa, that our
parents would help her if it came down to
it. She didn’t get an abortion, but on
the morning she went into labor she went
to both of my parents and told her she
needed to go to the er, my mother told
her, “you have a car drive yourself”. Her
boyfriend ended up coming to get her 2
hours later because he was out of state.
My parents never once visited alyssa or
the baby in the hospital, but talked to
her just enough to tell her not to bother
coming home. She tried her best to get
everything she needed for the baby and it
wasn’t enough and when the baby was 6
weeks old she gave her up for adoption.
She said it was the worst thing she had
ever done in her life. I couldn’t have
given up my little girl to someone else I
didn’t trust so I gave her to god. Now I
am not posting this to be belligerent, I
am only posting it as a reply to vanessa.
As far as my boyfriend goes, I love him,
and though I seem naïve, that is my only
reasoning. I know that motherhood is
about maturity, but it involves a lot of
money too, something I wouldn’t have had.
I admire you though for keeping your
child, that takes a lot of strength,
something that I lack but wish I had. I
am so sorry that I am upsetting you girls,
I again don’t mean to, please forgive me
for my insensitivity.
|
nikki_caro
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2003 Posts: 4921 Location: Right here at work!
Posted: 02-26-04 17:05pm
Im so sorry your parents are so rude. No
need to apologize ok!
|
Darling
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2003 Posts: 875
Posted: 02-26-04 17:11pm
I'm sorry if I came off as rude lexi I
really don't want you to feel like a bad
person for having an abortion. I guess
since i've lost 2 children now it's hard
for me to understand. I wish you the best
of luck in the future and hope you are
able to overcome this.
Love
tanya
|
insurancegirl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2003 Posts: 5286
Posted: 02-26-04 17:13pm
Last edited by insurancegirl on 10-07-04 14:51pm; edited 1 time in total
|
KissyBai912
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2003 Posts: 1762 Location: Venice, Florida
Posted: 02-26-04 17:30pm
Ok......I am going to try my very best not
to be harsh and judgemental.....
First of all, how could you stand having n
abortion knowing the sex of your baby? I
mean, don't you think it's going to kill
you wondering what she would have looked
like? How she would have acted? If she
was going to grow to be like you? I mean,
having an abortion w/o knowing the sex
would be so much easier.....Why wait until
you knew?
Second of all, I do not see at all why you
love your boyfriend. There does not seem
to be anything loveable about him. If he
didn't want this baby then why wouldn't he
sign over his rights for adoption? You
b/f sounds like a real fool to me.
And third, you do not need anyone's
support to raise a baby. I am sorry thta
your sister ended up that way but she
should have planned ahead instean of
intending to rely on her parents. There
are plenty of resources out there for
pregnant women! I don't know where you
live, but i'm sure there is something to
help you out. You can live in a maternity
home if you get kicked out, clinics have
low cost and sometimes free medical care,
there is health insurance out there
practically made for people in your
situation. Are you telling me you
couldn't support yourself and this baby or
didn't want to? Because that's what it
sounds like to me. It sounds like you
didn't even want to try to get a job and
try and support yourself. Are you going
to live off your daddy the rest of your
life?
It sounds like you need a real wake up
call. What happens if somewhere down the
line, you want kids....And you find out
you can't have any because of the
operation. I'm sure you will feel
terrible.
I'm very sorry if I was too harsh, and I
can be accepting of abortion, if done for
the right reasons. But your reason seem
to be purley selfish in my eyes. I
honestly don't see how you can live with
yourself after doing that. I could never
to that to my son. Just knowing he
depends on me to nurture him, he's
helpless. You're not. I need to go
before I honestly start bawling my eyes
out at the thought..............
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JillMarie
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Dec 2003 Posts: 3022 Location: Iowa
Posted: 02-26-04 17:38pm
I understand that mistakes happen, and
people get pregnant sometimes when its not
what they planned. Im curious where
allows someone to get an abortion at 20
weeks. It was my understanding that they
dont do it after like 14 weeks or
something like that. I think if you
called your department of health or your
family doctor or even a school counselor
that you can find someone to help you deal
with your emotions. Try keeping a journal
of your feelings and also about what you
want out of life so that you have a new
focus and you dont spend so much time
dwelling on a bad decision. Good luck in
everything and feel free to e-mail me if
you need someone to talk to.
