Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8006 Location: Missouri, United States
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I Need Some Help Posted: 06-02-07 16:48pm
i need help and im so sorry that i keep
posting about this on here, i don't want
people to get tired of it, im just so lost
and crying and frustrated (just so everyone
knows, im not innocent in this either.)
tommy is still upset. he told me yesterday
that he's been crying, and he hasn't eaten
for a few days, and he's still acting
different. whenever i bring it up we talk
for a minute about it and then i guess he
gets tired of talking/thinking about it
and just walks away from the computer and
lays down and leaves me hanging.
(sometimes i deserve it, i push the
issue.. it's not because i want to fight,
but it's because im scared and want to try
to make things better, i just don't know
how to go about doing it)
i asked him the other day if we were going
to be okay, and he said yes, he's just
hurting. and then i asked him again if i
had anything to worry about, and he said
no.
i asked him yesterday if he wanted me to
leave him alone for a few days or however
long it takes to give im him time..
time to get things together and figure out
things. or if he wanted me to talk to him
while he goes through this. he said "i
don't care" (i hope im not
making him sound like a bad guy, he's
upset, that's all. hes not usually like
this)
i just don't know what to do.. i dont know
if i should leave him alone. mandi said
she thinks i need to give him a while and
just not talk to him, but i don't
want to do that, but if i need to i
will. i just don't want to talk to him and
end up making things even worse.
i just worry about him so much, i don't
want him making himself sick over this...
it seems silly for him to be upset over it
still but people handle things
differently.
i just need help with my decision, i don't
know what to do :/ i just want my
boyfriend back.
once again, im sorry.
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 06-02-07 17:20pm
You didn't make him sound like a bad
person at all. Did he know about things
you have done in the past prior to you two
getting serious? If he did and it wasn't
a big deal until now, I do think it is
silly for him to feel the way he does
about it. If he didn't know than maybe he
has a bit of a right to be upset, but he
needs to either get over it or talk to you
about it. It's the past, we have all
made mistakes, we have all done things
that we regret, and we have all done
things that we should regret and don't.
It's the past.
If I were you I would probably give him
some time to think. I'm not sure if it's
the case with him, but when I went from
being super busy with college and
everything that goes with that to having
not as much going on I was a bit bummed to
have nothing to do, maybe that's it?
Maine isn't the most exciting place to
live, trust me!!!
Guys are moody souls
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8006 Location: Missouri, United States
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Posted: 06-02-07 17:26pm
he knew, but he told me that he just
avoided thinking about it for the longest
time, & then we started talking about
it last sunday (when this all started) and
i guess it made him start thinking about
it.
im just afraid that he won't get over it.
on the bright side, we will be together in
four weeks in maine, my plane tickets are
already bought, so we will be together..
so hopefully we can fix things over that
vacation, but hopefully this doesn't last
for four weeks, i will go insane.
he said that he's sure it's hard for me
but he thinks that im pretty selfish
sometimes, i asked him why and he hasn't
answered me, it's been over an hour since
he's said anything and that was the last
thing i asked.
(hes not answering bc i get upset when he
tells me something bad about myself i
guess, but i told him i wouldnt :/)
this sounds really lame, but it's serious
to me, it's really really hard...
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 06-02-07 17:36pm
You seem like you are a wonderful person,
and .I'm sure he knows it!
Sometimes when we stress about what is
wrong with our men it gives them an ego
boost. I hope it doesn't last that long
either. Try to give him some space if you
can.
Are you two going to stay in the .York
area when you come or are you going to
site see? I highly recommend .Acadia
.National .Park (sand beach, cadillac
mountain, and thunder hole) There is also
an awesome beach on .Echo lake that you
can walk out in the water forever and it's
so beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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HcoBrunette06
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Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8006 Location: Missouri, United States
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Posted: 06-02-07 17:45pm
im not sure what were going to do when
were there, but we'll be staying in york
mostly, i hope we go to portland i want dimillos and
i wanna shop!!!
well thanks for listening to me im thinking about
giving him space too, its just so hard
thinking about not talking to him for
several days, but sometimes things arent
easy.
and i think i am a good person, but when
things like this happen (things that im
not used to) i tend to freak out and be
really dramatic and yuck. i guess i need
to realize that things aren't always
perfect, and there are rough patches that
couples have to go through.
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 10809 Location: ,
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Thanked:42
Posted: 06-02-07 17:58pm
HcoBrunette06
wrote:
im not sure what were going
to do when were there, but we'll be
staying in york mostly, i hope we go to
portland i want dimillos and
i wanna shop!!!
i don't know what dimillos is, but you
should go to portsmouth to shop!
terra
wrote:
and i think i am a good
person, but when things like this happen
(things that im not used to) i tend to
freak out and be really dramatic and yuck.
honestly it sounds like he's being the
drama queen here. i just don't understand
why he's acting so upset over something
that happened in 6th grade and meant
*nothing* to you.
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monkeygirl22
Supporter
Joined: 20 Nov 2006 Posts: 2399 Location: ,
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Posted: 06-02-07 18:23pm
I would just give him space. All guys act
like children sometimes and mine always
wants space. I tend to be like you though
and push the issue. He tells me that it
would get better faster if I just leave
him alone and let him get over it. I don't
know exactly what happened but when you're
young it's a little harder to deal with a
person's past. That's why Brandon and I
decided to not even discuss it. Even
though I hadn't had sex with anyone I had
still done things that I wasn't proud of.
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jessesgirl
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Joined: 20 Dec 2005 Posts: 2877
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Posted: 06-02-07 18:25pm
I would just tell him that you're sorry
and if he can't get over it then oh well.
He seems like he's getting pleasure or an
ego boost like mommy35 (sorry can't
remember anyone's name) said from you
getting upset about it. He's being
childish. Jesse and I have been together
on and off for over 10 years and I've been
in two other relationships. I've been on
both sides of the fence. He needs to
forgive and move on and if he can't then
just think how he'll be when you two get
more serious and move in together or get
married and something major happens. I
don't mean to be harsh, but he's being
immature and you need to put your foot
down. You don't deserve to be treated
like you owe him your life for what you
did.
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arcadia
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Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 4470 Location: Illinois,
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Posted: 06-02-07 18:58pm
i've told you this .terra, but i agree
with .bridget. he seems like he's being
super dramatic about this & blowing it
way outta proportion. it's not fair to
you. you can't change what happened when
you were like, 12. so what does it matter?
what does he expect you to do? i get upset
when i think about .chris sleeping with
the other girls he has, & he gets
upset when he thinks about me sleeping
with the other guys i have.. but we don't
go ape-sh*t & get all depressed about
it. it's in the past. we know we're all
that matters in eachother's eyes now. so
stuff in the past doesn't matter. he needs
to realize that. i don't see why he's
freaking out about it so much. especially
if he knew about it before you started
dating.
& i 100% completely agree with .bets!
but i would just leave him alone for a
while. he'll probably realize how silly
he's being.
I'm sorry .Terra! I hope he realizes that
your past is just that. He is your present
and hopefully future.
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*star*
Supporter
Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 1799 Location: ,
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Posted: 06-02-07 19:41pm
HcoBrunette06
wrote:
im not sure what were going
to do when were there, but we'll be
staying in york mostly, i hope we go to
portland i want dimillos and
i wanna shop!!!
My husband and I are going up to Peaks
Island in August. He has gone up there
every summer since he can remember. I
went there last summer and the first thing
we did was go to dimillos to eat and go
look at all the big boats. I loved
shopping in Portland, they have so many
cute shops.
And as for you and Tommy, I know exactly
how you feel. Sometimes my husband and I
will get into a funk and its hard to break
out of it. I keep asking him what's wrong
and sometimes he just continues to push me
away. But we eventually get over it. I
really do think men have a male version of
PMS!!!
Also, I Hate being told that something is
wrong about me...like my attitude or my
behavior. I get so defensive sometimes...
but only with dh and my mom. I used to do
the same thing with my ex.
I am sure that things will come around.
You really seem like you have a good head
on your sholders. 4 weeks isn't that long
till you see him again, and I bet that as
soon as you guys see each other, it will
be back to old times.
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mc4ever02
Supporter
Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 3636 Location: Orlando, FL Usa
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Posted: 06-02-07 19:54pm
Hun, I'm sorry. I know this must be
upsetting, He really isn't working with
you at all. It would be much easier if he
would just tell you what he needs.
I, personally, suggest that you continue
talking to him and acting as if everything
is normal. (it's kinda like a child, when
you show them attention during a tantrum,
they learn that it will get a response) If
you just ignore it, he will have to either
(a) get over it...or (b) talk to you about
it. But, you have to let him decide which
he wants to do. I (I know, it's easy to
say since I'm not in your situation) would
go on as if everything was fine. That way,
your not pushing the issue (so your
letting him get over it) But, your not
ignoring him and letting him fester.
On to the other issue. I know this may
sound harsh, and I don't want to offend
you. But, you really need to learn how to
take constructive criticism in a
relationship. (there is a difference
between constructive criticism and
personal attacks) But, if you jump on him
every time he says something that he
doesn't like or he wants to work on
(either personally or relationship wise)
he's going to start keeping it inside. And
when he does that, your not going to know
if he is unhappy or not. And you won't be
able to grow as a couple. It's hard at
first, but, you both should feel
comfortable talking to the other person
about what your not happy with. Otherwise,
it can't be fixed.
I want to apologize again if that came
across rude. You know I love you! I just
wish someone had told me that sooner in my
life.
~Big hug~
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 10809 Location: ,
Thanks: 58
Thanked:42
Posted: 06-02-07 20:02pm
michelle1981
wrote:
I'm sorry .Terra! I hope he
realizes that your past is just that. He
is your present and hopefully
future.
this is so perfect! tell him this!!!
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8006 Location: Missouri, United States
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Posted: 06-02-07 20:05pm
i absolutely do not think you're being
rude christy, because i agree!
i feel like there are so many things i
need to change, he doesn't make me feel
that way, but situations have made me
realize that i need to change some things
about myself, which is a good thing. i
don't like the way i treat people in my
life, i've got a constant attitude and i
just think.. maybe counseling would be a
good idea? it'd teach me how to set goals
and reach them... and then maybe my last
year at home would turn out a lot better,
and i could also find some ways to fix
things in our relationship? i think it'd
be a great choice.
but as for people thinking hes being
immature and being a drama queen, i can
see where you'd think that. i'm not
defending what he's doing, although i sort
of agree, but i don't want anyone to have
a bad opinion of him. he's amazing to me
he's the best thing that ever happened to
me (and bridget is going to love him when
she meets him!) but i understand where
you're coming from. maybe this is coming
off as biased because you aren't getting
his side, too. his side might be
completely different, but i wouldn't know
because all he's telling me is that he's
upset because of what i did when i was
younger, so what can ya do? im just trying
to get help.
i love him and we'll make it through this.
thanks for all of the opinions on what i
should do, girls. i appreciate you
listening to me b*tch and moan about it a
lot lately
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mc4ever02
Supporter
Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 3636 Location: Orlando, FL Usa
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Posted: 06-02-07 20:40pm
I think that counseling would be a great
idea. They can really help you in the long
run. They can teach you how to 'fight
fair' (which is a lot harder than is
sounds) they can help you set goal and
teach you the tools you need to reach
them. They can help with choosing a career
and help you learn coping skills. They
really are great, especially, if you get
to them before your set in your ways.
I'm sure you and tommy will be fine. You
two really care about each other, and,
honestly, that's the most important thing.
I think it will help alot when you guys
get to spend some quality time together.
How long will you be there?
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8006 Location: Missouri, United States
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Posted: 06-02-07 20:53pm
i'm going to be there for about 8 days,
but he'll only be there for 6 of those
days, i'm going to hang out with his mom
for a bit
and mich and bridget, i think that is a
great thing to say to him and i'm
definitely going to.
i also wanted to make a public thanks to
fairy godmother she pmd me and
really helped me a lot, so thank you.
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Willa Weintraub
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Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
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Posted: 06-02-07 21:46pm
terra
wrote:
and i think i am a good
person, but when things like this happen
(things that im not used to) i tend to
freak out and be really dramatic and yuck.
honestly it sounds like he's being the
drama queen here. i just don't understand
why he's acting so upset over something
that happened in 6th grade and meant
*nothing* to you.[/quote]It sounds to me
like he's sorta feeding off of your
emotions.Like I notice when people make a
big deal out of something others will
too.If I were you i'd give him space and
just not stay on the subject.the more you
dwell on it the more he thinks about it
and it gets worse,Just tell him "the past
is the past.you knew what my past was and
it can't be changed."I'd tell him to get
over it(in nicer words of course!).And if
he wants to drag it out there is nothing
else you can do. just don't talk about it
at all.
**edited to say: and what mich said!
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oh_mommy
Supporter
Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3694 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
Posted: 06-03-07 15:19pm
maybe this is just one of those rough
patches that make u stronger..
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HcoBrunette06
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Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8006 Location: Missouri, United States
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Posted: 06-03-07 16:23pm
yeah, i hope so.
things haven't changed so far.
we'll see.
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HcoBrunette06
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Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8006 Location: Missouri, United States
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Posted: 06-03-07 23:10pm
i just wanted to write and say thanks to
everyone who helped
today i've been normal, i've been trying
to talk about anything and everything,
earlier it wasn't doing anything, he'd
just say 'that's cool, that's too bad, ic,
lol'
but i left for church for an hour
and came back and we talked and we're
actually having conversation. we haven't
had that in a week exactly, and it feels
so good to do so.
i hope im not getting my hopes up, but i
really hope things are starting to get
better because i believe that time heals
things, i hope this is what's happening
and that things are getting easier for
him. of course things aren't perfect or
100% better, but i don't expect them to
be. baby steps im just so happy
that things seem to be changing a tiny
bit.
hes also on his way to walmart right now
to get some food, so that must mean hes
eating again.
sigh i hope this is just
the beginning of something better.
(just so everyone
knows, im not innocent in this either.)
i want dimillos and
i wanna shop!!!
