Pregnant Need Advice Desperately Posted: 06-05-07 11:30am
Im embarrassed to be discussing the
situation Ive gotten myself into but
really need some objective advice. My
boyfriend & I have been together for
about 1 1/2 yrs. I put him through ALOT
during our relationship and he has stuck
by me. I was going through a horrible
time in my life when we started seeing
eachother and I was very self destructive.
I was drinking ALOT and lying to him to
cover this for months. In Oct 2006 I had
a wreck due to my drinking (luckily only
hurt myself & no one else). This was
truly my wakeup call and since then I have
been clean & sober. I have faced up
to the legal consequences of drinking and
driving and am working to show my
boyfriend, family & friends that I am
changing and sorry for all I put them
through.
I found out a couple of months after my
wreck that my boyfriend had been on an
online "dating" service around the time of
my wreck. I confronted him about it and
he admited that he was trying to see what
was out there, nothing happened and said
it was because of everything I put him
through. He apologized profusely and gave
me access to his computer, phone, etc
incase I wanted to keep an eye on what he
was doing. I put all of this behind me
but told him that if he needed time to
process everything I had put him through
he should take it and decide if he still
wanted to be with me or not. He said he
knew he wanted to be with me.
Feb 2007 I had to go out of town for 2
months. He was sad to see me go but we
write, talked, visited during this time.
Pretty quickly after I left he seemed
different to me and not nearly as
interested as I was in staying in touch.
I found out during this time that I am
pregnant (4 months along when I found out,
NO symptoms for 4 months). I was hesitant
for him to find out because of how he
seemed different. He was surprised and
since I have been back this past month he
has tried to be supportive but has admited
that while I was away he had time to
think. The time apart made him realize
what I had put him through, that he wasnt
over it & that I was not the person he
thought I was when we first met. I know
if I wasnt pregnant we wouldnt be
together. A big part of me wants to leave
(we live together) but he says he wants me
there to see if we can rebuild things. I
dont feel like we are rebuilding though,
he hasnt kissed me once since I've been
back, etc. Im not sure what to do. I
love him but do not want to be in a
relationship where he is with me just
because of the baby. It feels that way
right now and is very depressing. Any
opinions? I know I am not thinking too
straight these days. Thanks
|
Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1281 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 35
Thanked:20
Hi Posted: 06-05-07 14:34pm
My heart goes out to you.....but by
publicy putting it all out there, you are
bound to have someone like me...MISS BLUNT
AND BRUTALLY HONEST... write and
say.....from what I ahve read, you have
been through a hell of a lot. I am very
proud of you for facing your alcohol
problem and dealing with the consequences.
I feel your "boyfriend" is not happy, and
I feel that is why he statred looking
online months ago...to see what was out
there? Get outta here.......I do feel the
reason you are living together now is
because of this baby. Onthe other hand,
you have been together for over a year.
You both need to sit and discuss like
respinsible adults, do you want to keep
this relationsship, build it stronger, or
go your own ways...but do not stay
together for the fact you are pregnant.
TOdays world is unreal....so many people
get together, have sex, make babies then
go on either together or alone.....What
happend to FAMILY VALUES? What happened to
, ok I want to be with this person
forever, otherwise I'd never even consider
getting pregnant. I would have done
evrything humaly possible to not get
pregnant, because I did not want my child
to grow up in a home without both Mother
and Father. I am a child of divorce and I
know what this does to children, I also
raised a child on my own, up until she was
10, so I understand what its like on that
end too. If you both love each other.....I
would say do everything possible to keep
your "family"together. If this guy can't
see that you have made changes and are
willing to try, then he's the one not
trying....make sense?
Communication.......talk to him. Got my
fingers crossed for you!
|
WannaBigBabyBelly
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jul 2007 Posts: 27
Posted: 07-08-07 22:59pm
Congrats on the baby news, thats so
great!!! I would say that talking things
out, and seeing where it leads you is
worth a try! But if you feel in your heart
that it wont work, dont push it!!! follow
you heart!!!!! Good luck, keep us posted..
|
Tarheelmbs
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jul 2007 Posts: 17
Posted: 07-28-07 04:28am
From the my Perspective I would give him
his space....sucks because your pregnant
but the more you crowd him and try to
figure things out the more you will push
him away. Sometimes We just need space a
lot of times its not so much about other
women as it is just feeling the freedom
again. I've done that with my "x" a
couple times and it helped keep us
together longer. We eventually broke up
but I wouldn't have known what was right
or wrong if it wasn't for that space she
did give me and we are somewhat friends
becasue of it. Good luck
|
sanjayk
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2007 Posts: 16 Location: ,
Love Heals Everything !! Posted: 07-30-07 06:43am
Well,you gave your most precious treasure
away before marriage but what is lost is
lost.
Now you need to make a decision to go with
him or search for a new partner (which is
equally difficult or go alone which is
again similarly difficult.)
The best would be to love your partner and
show him how caring,loving,compassionate
you are to him.
It is said the love you give to others,
comes back to you in double measure.
I have a wife who had deserted me for a
year but I won her back by showing my love
for her,caring for her, providing her
needs etc.
Now my wife understands me better than
ever and values me.
It depends how much determination you will
be able to muster given that you are
pregnant and need to concentrate more on
the baby.
BUT if you can overcome this phase of life
you will be mighty successful in life.
Hope for the best and give off your
best,GOD will take of the rest...
I came across a testimony of lady in
US,Texas who had a child in her lap,was
divorced from a drunken man and asked to
leave the house with nowhere else to go.
She went to stay with a half sister who
was equally poor and she started taking
care of the neighborhood dogs by being
dogkeeper and dog walker for the
community.
She went on to become the national animal
caretaker and is the largest corporate
owner of animals care company and her
daughter is the owner of multi-corporate
animal care organization.
Have a positive outlook in life.
http://healthywealthynwi
se.blogspot.com
The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made.
Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
