My Boyfriend Is Mentally And Physically Abusive Posted: 06-07-07 12:17pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for
6 years, i am 23 now and I have 1 child
with him. Over the years he cheated on me
( never admitted to it) he calls me names,
and will "blow" up over something so
stupid like if he can't find something. I
work full time as well as a full time mom,
and I am finally leaving him. the problem
is I don't know how. We rent a house
together and have a dog. The mental abuse
got so bad that now it's natural to call
me a fu**ing fool. I was in an abuse
relaltionship when I was 14 to 16, and It
ended up with an restraining order. I
don't want to do that to him. i know I
sound pathetic, after beating the crap out
of me with his shoe in front of the baby i
should have left, I think becuase I didn't
know how in my past relationship ( i had a
therapist help me) I don't know how now. I
am afraid I am going to make the wrong
decision for my daughter, and I don't want
her to hate me later on in life( she is
3), But I don't want her to think that
it's ok for a guy to call you names. We
don get along sometimes, we don't do
anything together like go out, we'll stay
home BBQ and stuff, i'm always the one
with the baby ( i have no helP) my mom
don't live here, and i have no other
family. His mom don't help. And neither
does he. Anybody have any ideas on how to
help me?
|
Doriz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 May 2007 Posts: 45 Location: jersey
Re: My Boyfriend Is Mentally And Physically Abusive Posted: 06-07-07 22:25pm
stuckto
wrote:
My boyfriend and I have been
together for 6 years, i am 23 now and I
have 1 child with him. Over the years he
cheated on me ( never admitted to it) he
calls me names, and will "blow" up over
something so stupid like if he can't find
something. I work full time as well as a
full time mom, and I am finally leaving
him. the problem is I don't know how. We
rent a house together and have a dog. The
mental abuse got so bad that now it's
natural to call me a fu**ing fool. I was
in an abuse relaltionship when I was 14 to
16, and It ended up with an restraining
order. I don't want to do that to him. i
know I sound pathetic, after beating the
crap out of me with his shoe in front of
the baby i should have left, I think
becuase I didn't know how in my past
relationship ( i had a therapist help me)
I don't know how now. I am afraid I am
going to make the wrong decision for my
daughter, and I don't want her to hate me
later on in life( she is 3), But I don't
want her to think that it's ok for a guy
to call you names. We don get along
sometimes, we don't do anything together
like go out, we'll stay home BBQ and
stuff, i'm always the one with the baby (
i have no helP) my mom don't live here,
and i have no other family. His mom don't
help. And neither does he. Anybody have
any ideas on how to help
me?
You should never feel sorry for a man who
doesn't care if his little girl is
watching him beat you up. You should get
a restraining order as soon as you can.
Its not healthy for you or for your
daughter to be around someone who is
abusive. Leaving him is the best thing you
can do for the well being of you and your
daughter. She might not understand now (
no child does especially at that age ) but
if you keep her around that environment
she just might find herself in the same
situation when she gets older.
I was around 6 when i saw my parents have
a physical fight. Its scarring and
difficult to understand at such a young
age. They seperated and my mother talked
to me every day about how they couldn't
live together anymore. Now that i'm older
i completely understand and congradulate
my mom for making the right decision.
Things could have gone worse and because
of their divorce my dad found help and
truly changed. My parents never got back
together but i don't hate my mom for
making that decision.
You need to get professional help to
overrcome the mental abuse you went
through for so long. You can make it on
your own. You have a full time job and you
did say your the only one who takes care
of the baby. You are better off without
him and im sure everthing will go well for
you.
Be strong and don't fear anything, you'll
find yourself getting through this.
Good Luck!
|
Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 90
Thanked:32
Posted: 06-08-07 01:01am
800-799-safe is a number you can call in
any sort of family crisis and there are
people trained to help you. They can talk
you through how to get out of your
situation.
I Wish you the best.
I had to edit to change the number from a
local one to a national one
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 06-08-07 08:41am
I would not ever fel bad for someone like
him.He obviously doesn't care about you or
his daughter or he wouldn't do the things
he does! WHy would your daughter hate
you?You *need* to get her out of that
situation.how would you feel if he hit her
or started callig her names and treating
her like he treats you?It's not a good
situation for you or her to be in.As much
as you do not want a restraining order
(whch I don't know why) I think its in
your best interest.Maybe call your parents
and tell them whats going on,i'm sure they
would be happy to help get you two out of
there in a heart beat! Please,do something
before he does anything else that may be
worse!
|
HAILEYTREYJORDAN
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 8 Location: ATLANTA, GA
Praying For You Posted: 06-10-07 19:25pm
Children who witness trauma are affected
in several ways. The trauma of witnessing
abuse has long lasting effects on their
emotional development.
I too was in the same shoes as you are and
almost ended up dead! The power and
control surrounding domestic violence is
an issue that you cannot change. You
cannot change someone else, but you can do
the best to protect your children and
yourself. You should go to a battered
women's shelter or some other safe place.
I was walking to my college class in
broad daylight when my ex boyfriend tried
to cut my throat in the middle of downtown
Atlanta. I had put up with the abuse for
three years then finally left. It is by
the grace of God that I am here today.
You need to ask yourself why you feel you
deserve this and why you don't want better
for yourself or your children. God
promises us peace and joy, dafety and good
health, power, love and a strong mind. Why
are you giving away the many blessings
God has for you?
Love yourself first. GET OUT and save
yourself. If something were to happen to
your child that you know you could have
prevented...how would you feel? Would you
be able to forgive yourself? (You could
with God's help) Don't wait on a disaster
to happen before you wake upa nd realize
that the next time he hits you, you could
fall and hit your head and die. Your
daughter could accidentally get pushed
into the wall and DIE! Death is final!
Protect yourself!
I never thought anyone would try to kill
me. Here I stand today, as a testimony to
other women that God wants us to be free
from any opression and depression, any
fear or worry.
Go to God and ask for the strength to
surrender your life to him, to remove
anything that is not in His Will from your
life. You obviously feel like you do not
want to leave. God can get rid of the
situation for you, if you will just give
it to him. Stop trying to figure out what
to do, and go to GO TO GOD for guidance.
He will fight your battles. He will either
make that man disappear or give you the
strength to leave. Keep your faith in the
Lord that your life will be better. You
deserve the BEST> I love you, my
sister! Stay in touch and let me know that
you are okay.
I volunteer with the battered women's
movement now and there are a lot of
resources for you. You need to have a
friend that can come and get you in the
event of an emergency, with a bag already
packed with your kids and your birth
certificates and etc. You and your friend
should get a secret code so you can tell
her to come without him knowing what you
are saying. Stay out of the bathroom and
the kitchen when you fight. Bathroom is
too small and there are knives in the
kitchen. You will survive this. Please
keep in touch.
|
emilyyy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jun 2007 Posts: 3
Re: My Boyfriend Is Mentally And Physically Abusive Posted: 06-24-07 09:00am
stuckto
wrote:
My boyfriend and I have been
together for 6 years, i am 23 now and I
have 1 child with him. Over the years he
cheated on me ( never admitted to it) he
calls me names, and will "blow" up over
something so stupid like if he can't find
something. I work full time as well as a
full time mom, and I am finally leaving
him. the problem is I don't know how. We
rent a house together and have a dog. The
mental abuse got so bad that now it's
natural to call me a fu**ing fool. I was
in an abuse relaltionship when I was 14 to
16, and It ended up with an restraining
order. I don't want to do that to him. i
know I sound pathetic, after beating the
crap out of me with his shoe in front of
the baby i should have left, I think
becuase I didn't know how in my past
relationship ( i had a therapist help me)
I don't know how now. I am afraid I am
going to make the wrong decision for my
daughter, and I don't want her to don't
like me later on in life( she is 3), But I
don't want her to think that it's ok for a
guy to call you names. We don get along
sometimes, we don't do anything together
like go out, we'll stay home BBQ and
stuff, i'm always the one with the baby (
i have no helP) my mom don't live here,
and i have no other family. His mom don't
help. And neither does he. Anybody have
any ideas on how to help
me?
there's no excuse for him to lay his hands
on you. i like it when people can work
their things out but in your case you have
tried and you have proof that it doesn't
work. since this is your second
relationship that ended up bad you need to
do some self-reflecting too. you're still
young and you can get over this so first
you must accept it as a fact of your past
and if you get in to relationship later
you must find a man who understands the
things that you have been through. from
your side you should always remember that
not all men are like this so you shouldnt
assume anything about the next man. just
stick to good values and be open minded
about everything even the food you
like.....you should act like a new person
to be able to move on. and i hope you will
be able to and find someone who makes you
feel loved. take care
|
WannaBigBabyBelly
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jul 2007 Posts: 27
Posted: 07-08-07 18:17pm
Hello,
I am so sorry your going through that
abuse right now!! I would say LEAVE HIM!!!
He doesnt respect you or your baby!! Dont
feel sorry for leaving, you are doing this
for you and your babies well being!! Can
you move out of state with your mom, until
you get on your feet again??? Good luck.
