Pregnancy Forum - I'm An Awful Mother, Already

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Q: I'm An Awful Mother, Already

asked by: AuDacia on June 7th, 2007

Experienced User

i feel absolutely terrible, for my daughter.

so often i find myself wishing i wasn't pregnant anymore. it was a mistake. we didn't try to get pregnant. usually we use condoms, but joleigh's the result of a drunken night in las vegas, the last night of our vacation to be exact. she wasn't supposed to happen, but she did.

i love her, very much. i know right now i don't sound so convincing. but she really is my little miracle.

just lately, my boyfriend & i aren't getting along. when we hang out, it starts out great, but by the end of the night we're at each other's throats. we were only together for 8-mo's before she was conceived. we were still strangers to one another. i guess it's finally surfaced that we're total opposites. he's so different, and irresponsible. he doesn't get me, at all. it's like he doesn't even try to understand what i'm going through.

we're both 21. i only got to enjoy the age for a month before getting pregnant. i'm currently 5-mo's. all my friends are out drinking, either at clubs or bars or parties. i know i could join them, for the company, but i can't stand playing "mother" to a group of drunks. it gets old, fast. most of the time, i'm pretty lonely. i don't get to go out much because i'm always tired or moody, i have a headache or my body is in pain.

my boyfriend, on the other hand, goes out with his guy friends every night! after he's done spending time with me, he's at the pool hall or at a club or in a bar. when i call him to ask him what he is doing or where he is, he just says, "i'm with the guys." at first, i was fine with it. but now, it angers me off. not only is he get to go out, drink, & do whatever he wants, but he's spending a lot of money doing it! yes, i am jealous. but i also feel as if i have every right to be livid.

after another unpleasant phone call with him, of course i hung up because i couldn't take being yelled at for the millionth time, i stormed into my room & told my sister, "i wish i had never gotten pregnant." i feel like now i'm stuck with him, even if we break up. he's going to want to be a part of joleigh's life. and i just - ugh, don't ever want to see his face again! i feel awful for jole. i feel like i'm a bad mother for wishing she never came into existence.

of course, now that she is here, i can't wait to see her & hold her.

i guess i'm just venting. sorry, girls. thanks.

Replies(9)

LIKEaDREAM*

replied on June 7th, 2007

New User

i feel the same way sometimes about feeling like your stuck to this person for the rest of your life. It sometimes makes me stop and think whoa im nowhere near ready to settle down and im nowhere near ready to pick who im going to spend the rest of my life with. Believe me when i say there is times i feel exactly like you do. But, it will work out in the end..i know it sounds so regular and probably what you always will hear. But it really will be ok. If he chooses to be irresponsible and not be in the childs life.. so what? that his loss. not yours or your daughter. Whoever is meant to be in your life will be there and which ever guy your meant to be with will come along wether its him or some one else. Rememeber as well, guys deal with pregnancy different than girls do. My boyfriend is going through the exact same stage just being with his friends allll the time non stop. But, im letting him go through his phase and take the time out that he needs for him in order for him to deal. Were both still so young. He seems so irresponsible to me sometimes as well, but i know he would never abandon a baby and im sure once ur daughters here you will see a whole new person come out of your boyfriend. and if not..like i said its his loss.

sillyakchick

replied on June 7th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Hello. First, sorry you and your BF are having a hard time of it right now. Regarding your feelings of not wanting to have a baby-I can say that many women feel this way-even when the pregnancy was intentional. I felt this way many times when I was pregnant with my second child. And although this is a normal reaction, you should bring your feelings to the attention of your health care provider. Depression during pregnancy can predispose one to post partum depression later, which is no fun at all. Good luck to you, and don't be too hard on yourself! It is hard to give your body over to someone else and see all of your friends doing the things that you want to do. You can have a baby and return to some of the fun activities you once enjoyed.

vanessalouanne

replied on June 8th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

ahh im sorry girl, i kind sort of relate as in that i am 21 and had just left my husband (for the first time in my life was single and could actually act my age and not like the responsible wife) and then i met my now husband and knew it was to good to be true to not be with him. I left my ex in oklahoma drove to california and 3 weeks later got pregnant with my baby. I totally relate in the way that i feel like i had my freedom taken away from me. I wanted for the first time in life to be a normal 21 year old, go to bars, drink and whatever else i wanted without having to think of others first. There are still days where i am so envious of all my friends who are able to do those things and i wish many times i wasnt pregnant, plus the stress of knowing a baby is coming plus the hormones can make it rough sometimes in your relationship. Im actually lucky in that standpoint because i was lucky enough to be with a great guy who has a lot of respect for me but there still is the occasional slip up where he is able to go out to a bar and drink and i get really almost jealous. just remember though, we are the luck ones. in the long run how important is it that we didnt get to party for 9 months. i mean we have a child who we get to love forever unconditionally. and with certain expceptions we can still go out every now and then once the babies are here, it doesnt make us bad mothers. i feel you though on how sometimes you just need to vent because im the same way. one day i couldnt imagine not carrying my child and i am so in love and others i just want this thing out of me. i think everything your going through is normal and it is far from making you a bad mother.. it makes you a normal mother.

Dannzibelle

replied on June 8th, 2007

Supporter

Firstly you are most deffinatly not an awful mother. I've had the same feelings as you, .Mika was very much unplanned the result of a broken condom and sometimes i find myself resenting being pregnant, fighting with .Dom because he just doesn't think before he acts sometimes and generally being an emotional wreck. It's all normal believe me! You are going to be an amazing mother and when your little daughter is handed to you all wet and new you'll fall in love with her and tottaly forget every bad feeling you had

jaime_elms

replied on June 8th, 2007

Experienced User

Hey hun,

I know how u feel i am the same as you. I think its just the stess of men (there pigs)

You will be fine, i am just stressed about money and everything and my bf we were together 5months when i found out we barley know each other and i didnt know if he was the one i wanna be with forever! and i tell him all the time that i am unhappy..
i have emailed u anways hun

takecare

jaemierin

replied on June 8th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

Hey girl......don't feel bad. Here's another different perspective for you, and I hope it makes you feel better, along with everyone's else's comments! Wink

I am 31 yrs old, happily married and this baby of our's was planned.........but, there are still days when I am scared silly and then envious of my gf's who get to go out and sit on the patio having a drink and a smoke (yes, I was one of those bad girls!).
There are days when I want to kill my husband b/c he seems to have no responsibility in saving money for the baby, buying the baby things that we need or helping me around the house (I am still doing all the cooking and the cleaning.....mind you, does this ever change?!?!)
Don't feel bad right now, take a deep breath, think of all the wonderful things that YOU will have that your friends don't when that baby comes and the incredible love and bond you will get to encounter. And at 21, when baby gets older, you can still do lots of fun things with them. I wish I was a littel younger having my first baby, but ah well....life throws at you what is meant to happen!!!!!!!
Feel better girl, and hopefully your bf will wake up and realize that he's going to be a Daddy.......men, I swear, it doens't matter what age they are!!!!!!
Hugs to you! Wink

musikmaker

replied on June 8th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I echo Jae's sentiments. My husband and I tried so hard for this baby but there are days I envy my single girlfriends. I am also 21 and only one of my friends has a baby. In fact, only one of my friends is married (the same girl with the baby). I had a small party at my apartment the weekend 'pirates' came out but I felt horrible because we ended going to the 11.45 showing and it was soooo late that I could barely keep up with them. I just find that they talk about trivial things and create so much drama. I love them to death and they are so happy about me having .Luke but they don't really understand what I am going through. You can talk to me if you ever need to. I know it is never easy to be pregnant.

winniebear

replied on June 10th, 2007

New User

Re: I'm An Awful Mother, Already

I guess alot of us feel the same way, Im 15 weeks pregnant, and already i feel that way. Im 27, and my boyfriend is 42, Yes i know 15 year difference.....but i have been with him for almost 3 years, but since ive been pregnant things have only been getting harder... Instead of saving money for baby, he has other things he needs to do... and Im left saving... which is really hard.. considering i pay most of the bills... i worry about money all the time....

And in the last few weeks, Hes been calling me his ex wifes name!!!! HOW BAD IS THAT!!!!! It is so demeaning! I mean,.. i can understand the first year we were together... but.. now almost three years later, we have been living together for a year..... its CRAZY.. we both have one child each from our previous relationships, and they both live with us...But sometimes i feel... i dont know.. that hes just not so crazy about my son... he thinks that hes TOO smart and TOO mature for a 6 year old... but what do i do? Tell my son to act stupid to make my boyfriend happy??? I dont think so....

So I guess everyone has their problems... and we all like to vent....and i just found more porn videos.... i think ill VENT ABOUT THAT TO HIM... hehe...

thanks

Assena

replied on June 11th, 2007

Experienced User

my pregnancy was definatly planned, but i am still doing all the grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry and cooking and I make meals too. On top of working. I swear if he asks me one more time "why are you so tired".... I am pretty sure Pregnancy makes our fuses much shorter than normal. So things that we could deal with irritate us to no end.

I'm sorry you are having such a bad time. But, in the end the only persons that matter are you and your baby.

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