Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 172 Location: west virginia, united states
I'm An Awful Mother, Already Posted: 06-07-07 20:15pm
i feel absolutely terrible, for my
daughter.
so often i find myself wishing i wasn't
pregnant anymore. it was a mistake. we
didn't try to get pregnant. usually we use
condoms, but joleigh's the result of a
drunken night in las vegas, the last night
of our vacation to be exact. she wasn't
supposed to happen, but she did.
i love her, very much. i know right now i
don't sound so convincing. but she really
is my little miracle.
just lately, my boyfriend & i aren't
getting along. when we hang out, it starts
out great, but by the end of the night
we're at each other's throats. we were
only together for 8-mo's before she was
conceived. we were still strangers to one
another. i guess it's finally surfaced
that we're total opposites. he's so
different, and irresponsible. he doesn't
get me, at all. it's like he doesn't even
try to understand what i'm going through.
we're both 21. i only got to enjoy the age
for a month before getting pregnant. i'm
currently 5-mo's. all my friends are out
drinking, either at clubs or bars or
parties. i know i could join them, for the
company, but i can't stand playing
"mother" to a group of drunks. it gets
old, fast. most of the time, i'm pretty
lonely. i don't get to go out much because
i'm always tired or moody, i have a
headache or my body is in pain.
my boyfriend, on the other hand, goes out
with his guy friends every night! after
he's done spending time with me, he's at
the pool hall or at a club or in a bar.
when i call him to ask him what he is
doing or where he is, he just says, "i'm
with the guys." at first, i was fine with
it. but now, it angers me off. not only is
he get to go out, drink, & do whatever
he wants, but he's spending a lot of money
doing it! yes, i am jealous. but i also
feel as if i have every right to be
livid.
after another unpleasant phone call with
him, of course i hung up because i
couldn't take being yelled at for the
millionth time, i stormed into my room
& told my sister, "i wish i had never
gotten pregnant." i feel like now i'm
stuck with him, even if we break up. he's
going to want to be a part of joleigh's
life. and i just - ugh, don't ever want to
see his face again! i feel awful for jole.
i feel like i'm a bad mother for wishing
she never came into existence.
of course, now that she is here, i can't
wait to see her & hold her.
i guess i'm just venting. sorry, girls.
thanks.
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LIKEaDREAM*
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Apr 2007 Posts: 35 Location: Toronto
Posted: 06-07-07 21:01pm
i feel the same way sometimes about
feeling like your stuck to this person for
the rest of your life. It sometimes makes
me stop and think whoa im nowhere near
ready to settle down and im nowhere near
ready to pick who im going to spend the
rest of my life with. Believe me when i
say there is times i feel exactly like you
do. But, it will work out in the end..i
know it sounds so regular and probably
what you always will hear. But it really
will be ok. If he chooses to be
irresponsible and not be in the childs
life.. so what? that his loss. not yours
or your daughter. Whoever is meant to be
in your life will be there and which ever
guy your meant to be with will come along
wether its him or some one else.
Rememeber as well, guys deal with
pregnancy different than girls do. My
boyfriend is going through the exact same
stage just being with his friends allll
the time non stop. But, im letting him go
through his phase and take the time out
that he needs for him in order for him to
deal. Were both still so young. He seems
so irresponsible to me sometimes as well,
but i know he would never abandon a baby
and im sure once ur daughters here you
will see a whole new person come out of
your boyfriend. and if not..like i said
its his loss.
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2690
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 06-07-07 21:31pm
Hello. First, sorry you and your BF are
having a hard time of it right now.
Regarding your feelings of not wanting to
have a baby-I can say that many women feel
this way-even when the pregnancy was
intentional. I felt this way many times
when I was pregnant with my second child.
And although this is a normal reaction,
you should bring your feelings to the
attention of your health care provider.
Depression during pregnancy can predispose
one to post partum depression later, which
is no fun at all. Good luck to you, and
don't be too hard on yourself! It is hard
to give your body over to someone else and
see all of your friends doing the things
that you want to do. You can have a baby
and return to some of the fun activities
you once enjoyed.
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vanessalouanne
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 2268 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 06-08-07 02:57am
ahh im sorry girl, i kind sort of relate
as in that i am 21 and had just left my
husband (for the first time in my life was
single and could actually act my age and
not like the responsible wife) and then i
met my now husband and knew it was to good
to be true to not be with him. I left my
ex in oklahoma drove to california and 3
weeks later got pregnant with my baby. I
totally relate in the way that i feel like
i had my freedom taken away from me. I
wanted for the first time in life to be a
normal 21 year old, go to bars, drink and
whatever else i wanted without having to
think of others first. There are still
days where i am so envious of all my
friends who are able to do those things
and i wish many times i wasnt pregnant,
plus the stress of knowing a baby is
coming plus the hormones can make it rough
sometimes in your relationship. Im
actually lucky in that standpoint because
i was lucky enough to be with a great guy
who has a lot of respect for me but there
still is the occasional slip up where he
is able to go out to a bar and drink and i
get really almost jealous. just remember
though, we are the luck ones. in the long
run how important is it that we didnt get
to party for 9 months. i mean we have a
child who we get to love forever
unconditionally. and with certain
expceptions we can still go out every now
and then once the babies are here, it
doesnt make us bad mothers. i feel you
though on how sometimes you just need to
vent because im the same way. one day i
couldnt imagine not carrying my child and
i am so in love and others i just want
this thing out of me. i think everything
your going through is normal and it is far
from making you a bad mother.. it makes
you a normal mother.
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Dannzibelle
Supporter
Joined: 23 Oct 2006 Posts: 3762 Location: South East, England
Thanks: 25
Thanked:11
Posted: 06-08-07 06:42am
Firstly you are most deffinatly not an
awful mother. I've had the same feelings
as you, .Mika was very much unplanned the
result of a broken condom and sometimes i
find myself resenting being pregnant,
fighting with .Dom because he just doesn't
think before he acts sometimes and
generally being an emotional wreck. It's
all normal believe me! You are going to be
an amazing mother and when your little
daughter is handed to you all wet and new
you'll fall in love with her and tottaly
forget every bad feeling you had
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jaime_elms
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 498 Location: newcastle
Posted: 06-08-07 07:58am
Hey hun,
I know how u feel i am the same as you. I
think its just the stess of men (there
pigs)
You will be fine, i am just stressed about
money and everything and my bf we were
together 5months when i found out we
barley know each other and i didnt know if
he was the one i wanna be with forever!
and i tell him all the time that i am
unhappy..
i have emailed u anways hun
takecare
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jaemierin
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2006 Posts: 611 Location: Alberta, Canada
Posted: 06-08-07 12:22pm
Hey girl......don't feel bad. Here's
another different perspective for you, and
I hope it makes you feel better, along
with everyone's else's comments!
I am 31 yrs old, happily married and this
baby of our's was planned.........but,
there are still days when I am scared
silly and then envious of my gf's who get
to go out and sit on the patio having a
drink and a smoke (yes, I was one of those
bad girls!).
There are days when I want to kill my
husband b/c he seems to have no
responsibility in saving money for the
baby, buying the baby things that we need
or helping me around the house (I am still
doing all the cooking and the
cleaning.....mind you, does this ever
change?!?!)
Don't feel bad right now, take a deep
breath, think of all the wonderful things
that YOU will have that your friends don't
when that baby comes and the incredible
love and bond you will get to encounter.
And at 21, when baby gets older, you can
still do lots of fun things with them. I
wish I was a littel younger having my
first baby, but ah well....life throws at
you what is meant to happen!!!!!!!
Feel better girl, and hopefully your bf
will wake up and realize that he's going
to be a Daddy.......men, I swear, it
doens't matter what age they are!!!!!!
Hugs to you!
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musikmaker
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2006 Posts: 1746 Location: Chicago, US
Thanks: 6
Thanked:2
Posted: 06-08-07 13:10pm
I echo Jae's sentiments. My husband and I
tried so hard for this baby but there are
days I envy my single girlfriends. I am
also 21 and only one of my friends has a
baby. In fact, only one of my friends is
married (the same girl with the baby). I
had a small party at my apartment the
weekend 'pirates' came out but I felt
horrible because we ended going to the
11.45 showing and it was soooo late that I
could barely keep up with them. I just
find that they talk about trivial things
and create so much drama. I love them to
death and they are so happy about me
having .Luke but they don't really
understand what I am going through. You
can talk to me if you ever need to. I know
it is never easy to be pregnant.
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winniebear
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Apr 2007 Posts: 7 Location: canada
Re: I'm An Awful Mother, Already Posted: 06-10-07 16:17pm
I guess alot of us feel the same way, Im
15 weeks pregnant, and already i feel that
way. Im 27, and my boyfriend is 42, Yes i
know 15 year difference.....but i have
been with him for almost 3 years, but
since ive been pregnant things have only
been getting harder... Instead of saving
money for baby, he has other things he
needs to do... and Im left saving... which
is really hard.. considering i pay most of
the bills... i worry about money all the
time....
And in the last few weeks, Hes been
calling me his ex wifes name!!!! HOW BAD
IS THAT!!!!! It is so demeaning! I mean,..
i can understand the first year we were
together... but.. now almost three years
later, we have been living together for a
year..... its CRAZY.. we both have one
child each from our previous
relationships, and they both live with
us...But sometimes i feel... i dont know..
that hes just not so crazy about my son...
he thinks that hes TOO smart and TOO
mature for a 6 year old... but what do i
do? Tell my son to act stupid to make my
boyfriend happy??? I dont think so....
So I guess everyone has their problems...
and we all like to vent....and i just
found more porn videos.... i think ill
VENT ABOUT THAT TO HIM... hehe...
thanks
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Assena
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 328 Location: Georgia
Posted: 06-11-07 16:30pm
my pregnancy was definatly planned, but i
am still doing all the grocery shopping,
cleaning, laundry and cooking and I make
meals too. On top of working. I swear if
he asks me one more time "why are you so
tired".... I am pretty sure Pregnancy
makes our fuses much shorter than normal.
So things that we could deal with irritate
us to no end.
I'm sorry you are having such a bad time.
But, in the end the only persons that
matter are you and your baby.
