How soon Or Should I Tell ?? Posted: 06-10-07 17:38pm
Quick story. I have had a friends with
benefits for almost two years now.
However, the Army shipped me from the East
coast to Arizona last August. Right before
my move this guy just up and started
treating me badly. Friends say his
behavior was because of his objection to
my move and my involvement in the
military. Well, on a trip back home in
February we hooked up for old time sake.
Then I found out his sports team moved him
to Northern California. Two months later
(this past April) his team played near me
and we hooked up again. The next night his
team lost. He left me stranded at the
arena and then flew back home the next
morning without telling me he was leaving.
We haven't spoken since. However, now I am
ten weeks pregnant. I am not one of those
types of girl to hide a child from its
father. However, I grew up with a father
the treated me like an unwanted mistake. I
REFUSE to have my child raised in the same
manner. So how, or do I tell him. If I do
tell him, we live so far apart that he
wont be around for the pregnancy anyway. I
almost would rather raise my child alone,
then have him know and reject it. I've
tried calling, just to touch base again,
but he never picks up or returns my calls.
It's almost like he knows what I am about
to tell him. At this point I feel that my
only option is to keep doing what I am
doing. Going on day by day supporting
myself, staying happy, and making it work.
I am old enough and secure enough to be a
mother and raise a child on my own. So do
I bother to keep trying to tell him? and
is it wrong to leave him out of it?
|
Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1387 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 47
Thanked:59
Hi Posted: 06-10-07 18:55pm
From what I have read, you have made
attempts to get in touch with him, yet he
refuses to talk to you. So, on this note,
you have tried to contact him. It only
goes to show how is responding, meaning,
he wants nothing more to do with
you........so....if you were to tell him
you are pregnant, would you want him to
come back, have a miserable life, knowing
the only reason he was there was be cause
of this baby? Or, go on a as you have
before and have a happy life, raise your
child. Once your child is old enough to
want to know who their father is.....find
him and then "show and tell". theres gonna
be al lot of people who will disagree with
this, sating the father has every right to
know....well that father was contacted to
try to inform him, yet he wants no
responsibility form the Mother....what
would make it any different knowing about
a child. on even another note......he did
take part in producing this child and you
may need financial help...if he signs
birth certificate or can be proved to be
the father, child support should be in
order....I was from a divorced home and
its *** on a kid.........I'd much rather
been raised by Mother alone to see the ***
she put up with while trying to raise me
and my two brothers....she and Dad were
miserable in the same home.....Just
something for you to think about!
|
Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 11-19-07 14:34pm
i am sorry for all the girls that have to
go through this.
|
yogahoneybunny
Supporter
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 880 Location: Strumica, Macedonia
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-19-07 14:57pm
I'd say go with your instincts. This guy
didn't ever seem committal or respectful
for that matter. What matters is that
your child is loved. If you feel that you
can do it alone, I'd encourage you. Stay
strong and ... how's it going, anyways?
|
jessamyn
Supporter
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4101 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 11-19-07 17:21pm
I know this is insanely hard.. but in my
personal opinion. I would not tell him. If
he isnt making the effort to keep in
contact with you then dont even bother.
However if you do do NOT put him on the
birth certificate please! If you choose to
contact him and inform him in my opinion
the best form would be via snail mail...
not email or phone .. and then the ball is
in his court!
|
Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 11-26-07 12:29pm
i agree, when i thought i was pregnant and
the would be dad said he didn't want
anything to do with me or my child if i
was so i was just gonna tell him that i
wasn't and move to wisconsin with my
brother lol but since im not i don't have
to move and i don't even talk to that butt
hehe
|
AMomOf3
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2008 Posts: 37 Location: San Diego, CA USA
Posted: 01-06-08 03:20am
Well, if you don't tell him, how can you
expect him to begin to accept the fact
that he's going to be a father. He may
surprise you. He has the right to know
that he fathered a child. THEN let him
decide if he wants to be a part of the
child's life. At least give him the
opportunity. I understand he's not
returning your calls, so...leave a
voicemail. And if you don't tell
him...what will you tell that child when
(s)he starts asking about their daddy??
|
Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 01-07-08 13:02pm
i think the best thing for that is that
when the child does get old enough and
starts asking explain to him or her what
happened but i wasn't going to tell the
father even then that he had a child cause
he wouldn't believe me. some men don't
deserve children and if they do father
them why should you have to go through
rejection for the stuff that both of you
guys did? I understand that a child needs
a father figure and a mother but what if
the dad rejects them? I just think it's
stupid that men can just run away and not
take any responsibility, and i respect the
men that do stay and the men that take
care of children that's not even theirs.
|
Ayrshire-lass
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Dec 2007 Posts: 656 Location: Ayrshire, Scotland
Posted: 02-19-08 10:44am
i think......
you being in the Army will always be a
difficult disition. him then thinkin mibi
in the back of his mind that your manlyer
than he is lol. (its true though)
if you want to take care of this kid alone
until you find someone who will sweep you
off your feet and take you with whatever
baggage you have.
THEN DO IT!
if finnaly he gets a hold of you then you
tell him. thats fine and if he wants to
see this kid then let him. but its his
falt for not answering. end of lol.
if hes not suportive of what you do (baby
and army) then find someone who will.
|
Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
