Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 186 Location: Pennsylvania
Controlling And Overprotective Boyfriend Posted: 06-11-07 10:56am
I have a boyfriend who is becoming even
more controlling and overprotective. We've
been together for a little over a year now
and we have a 3 month old daughter. And
now that I'm goin to be turning 21 at the
end of July and he says I'm not allowed go
out with my mom or my friends. According
to him I'm not allowed to have a life
outside the house. I hate the fact that I
have to stay home every single day with
nothing to do but spend time with the
baby. Dont get me wrong I love being with
my daughter but there comes a time that I
just want to get away just for a few hours
or so. But my gosh...he wont let me do
anything. We constantly fight and i try to
stand up for myself cuz I was always told
to never allow a guy to put me down. I am
starting to give up on that cuz I can get
away from cuz he wont leave me or our
daughter. I dont know what to do anymore
and I would like some helpful advice.
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 06-11-07 11:35am
Get away.Go far far away.Who is he to tell
you what to do.You are your own person you
are very capable of making your own
decisions.Your mom?He wont let you go out
with your own Mother?No way,that is way
too much and way too rediculous.It's just
not healthy and you would quite honestly
be better off alone.Answer this: Do you
want to live like this for the rest of
your life?Having no friends,no family no
nothing *allowed* around you?What is he
trying to protect you from?He's trying to
keep you close for his own security
because obviously he has issues.He wont
leave you but you can sure as heck leave
him!
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 06-12-07 05:01am
~*~Melissa~*~
wrote:
Get away.Go far far away.Who
is he to tell you what to do.You are your
own person you are very capable of making
your own decisions.Your mom?He wont let
you go out with your own Mother?No
way,that is way too much and way too
rediculous.It's just not healthy and you
would quite honestly be better off
alone.Answer this: Do you want to live
like this for the rest of your life?Having
no friends,no family no nothing *allowed*
around you?What is he trying to protect
you from?He's trying to keep you close for
his own security because obviously he has
issues.He wont leave you but you can sure
as heck leave
him!
Once again Melissa's right!.........why do
women put up with this
cr*p?!..............I guess cause they are
as insecure as the men they are going out
with..................the mens
insecurities are manifested with control
and isolation and the women think that
"gee he must really love me cause he wants
me all to
himself?!"......................as if! For
your child and for
yourself....................please
go............you won't regret it
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 06-12-07 07:51am
Spirit
wrote:
the mens insecurities are
manifested with control and isolation and
the women think that "gee he must really
love me cause he wants me all to
himself?!"......................as if!
exactly! I thought the
same thign at first.I didn't see him
trying to control me,I saw it as "wow,he
must really care about me making sure i'm
not talking to any guys and making sure
that where i'm going is ok".sounds dumb
but true.I just wanted to be lloved by him
and thats what came out.then,I started to
notice I couldn't bear it anymore,I
couldn't breathe. . .You could do all the
things you did before now,you just have a
boyfriend/finace. He should not be holding
you back from anything,he should love and
trust you and get over himself.
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 263 Location: Japan
Posted: 06-13-07 18:06pm
Not allowed to go out with your Mom!!!!!!
That is a big warning sign there. If he is
not doing it yet, he will be doing it
soon, he is going to start hitting and
beating you girl.
For the love of your child and yourself
get him to a counselor and if he refuses
or does not change his attitude soon, get
out.
Give it a three month or two month time
period for things to change.
However, if you feel your saftey is in
trouble, get away now. Call your Mom and
any friends you know to help you pack and
leave.
I hate guys like that, and I am a guy. He
has all kinds of rules for you, but he
himself does not follow them right? If you
did some of the things he does, it would
bring on a big argument from him,
correct??
I feel so sorry for you. I whish you could
be strong enough to just dump him now, cut
all connection, and what not.
Yes, let him see his child after a while,
but right now for the immediate situation,
you need to be strong and determined.
Again all for yourself and your child.
In the end the choice is yours, life is
not easy or perfect. But that does not
mean you have to put up with abuse. Make
the correct hard decision and make him
change or you make the change.
|
bernibaby86
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 186 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: 06-13-07 18:30pm
Thank you all for your advice. I forgot to
mention in my forum that my b/f is
actually living with me and my family. I
have kicked him out once for only a week
cuz he wanted to be with me and his
daughter. i am not worried about him
beating me even tho he threatens to do it
but I know he wont cuz of my brother still
lives at home with my family. MY brother
would never let any harm come to me or my
daughter. And besides my b/f knows that I
would go to cops if anything like that
happened.
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dynamicdebz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2007 Posts: 41 Location: Sheffield, UK
Posted: 06-16-07 15:31pm
Bernie it is ok saying your brother will
protect you but he won't always be there.
I presume as you have a baby you hope to
have a long relationship if not get
married. This would mean moving home to
your own place. Who is gonna protect you
then?
Usually what we tend to do when the abuse
starts is protect them because we are
ashamed of what is happening to us, so we
pretend to others that it isn't happening
& therefore end up with further abuse,
which can be menatl, physical, sexual,
verbal.
Just think about what is happening in your
parents home already, I dread to think
what will happen when you set up home
together.
Good luck!
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LRGHW
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jun 2007 Posts: 3 Location: Missouri
Run Posted: 06-16-07 15:37pm
Run as fast as you can, get away from that
situation. Been there done that and I got
out.
If he continues to bother you, then move
out of state, start a new life without
fear.
You have options, use them.
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 263 Location: Japan
Posted: 06-19-07 10:40am
she asks for advice, we give it, and she
ignores it or rationalizes why it is okay
for her to continue.
It is easy said than done, but advice has
been given. Advice that would see you and
your new one safe. For the sake of your
own freakin child why not just take it?
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sillyakchick
Moderator
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2690
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 06-19-07 10:45am
Makoto
wrote:
she asks for advice, we give
it, and she ignores it or rationalizes why
it is okay for her to continue.
It is easy said than done, but advice has
been given. Advice that would see you and
your new one safe. For the sake of your
own freakin child why not just take
it?
Just because she requests advice does not
mean she has to take it.
I agree with all above who state that you
should get away from this man. You are an
adult, and as such, you have teh freedom
to do as you wish, provided your child is
well cared for. You are correct in your
assertion that you have a right to get out
for a while. I think you know what the
right thing is to do, but it is a scary
step. You need to take it, though. If he
threatens to beat you, then he is giving
you fair warning of what he is willing to
do to have you under his thumb. No man or
relationship is worth your freedom.
Best of luck to you and your little one.
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bernibaby86
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 186 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: 06-19-07 12:06pm
Makoto
wrote:
she asks for advice, we give
it, and she ignores it or rationalizes why
it is okay for her to continue.
It is easy said than done, but advice has
been given. Advice that would see you and
your new one safe. For the sake of your
own freakin child why not just take
it?
I am not ignoring any of the advice that
everyone has given me. I'm not around him
24/7 every single day. I've been goin over
to my friends' house with my daughter take
to get away for a while. And I've been
doing this for the past week now. I'm not
afraid of him hurting me or my daughter.
Lately I just provoke him to do it just so
i could get him in trouble for it. When we
fight its not physical...just verbally and
emotionally. All he does is yell at me for
caca i dont even do. When he tells me that
I cant do something...I'll sit there and
argue with him and if he still wont let me
I'll do it anyway. But its caca that i'm
not allowed to go out on the weekends b/c
I'm in a relationship with someone and
only single women go out on the weekends.
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bernibaby86
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 186 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: 06-19-07 12:15pm
Makoto
wrote:
Not allowed to go out with
your Mom!!!!!!
That is a big warning sign there. If he is
not doing it yet, he will be doing it
soon, he is going to start hitting and
beating you girl.
For the love of your child and yourself
get him to a counselor and if he refuses
or does not change his attitude soon, get
out.
Give it a three month or two month time
period for things to change.
However, if you feel your saftey is in
trouble, get away now. Call your Mom and
any friends you know to help you pack and
leave.
I don't like guys like that, and I am a
guy. He has all kinds of rules for you,
but he himself does not follow them right?
If you did some of the things he does, it
would bring on a big argument from him,
correct??
I feel so sorry for you. I whish you could
be strong enough to just dump him now, cut
all connection, and what not.
Yes, let him see his child after a while,
but right now for the immediate situation,
you need to be strong and determined.
Again all for yourself and your child.
In the end the choice is yours, life is
not easy or perfect. But that does not
mean you have to put up with abuse. Make
the correct hard decision and make him
change or you make the change.
Yes he has all these kind of rules for me.
He actually goes by the rules himself
also. He hardly ever goes out with friends
b/c he doesnt talk to many ppl anymore
except for his workers. And he doesnt want
to hang out with them on the weekends cuz
all they do is drink alcohol and smoke
weed. My b/f feels that since he's a dad
now, he shouldnt do that. He drinks every
once in awhile. I did dump him for awhile
cuz we got into an argument about my
hangin out with ppl who screwed him over
in the past year. i dumped for like a week
after that. But somehow he came
back....dunno how the hell that happened.
|
bernibaby86
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 186 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: 06-19-07 12:22pm
dynamicdebz
wrote:
Bernie it is ok saying your
brother will protect you but he won't
always be there.
I presume as you have a baby you hope to
have a long relationship if not get
married. This would mean moving home to
your own place. Who is gonna protect you
then?
Usually what we tend to do when the abuse
starts is protect them because we are
ashamed of what is happening to us, so we
pretend to others that it isn't happening
& therefore end up with further abuse,
which can be menatl, physical, sexual,
verbal.
Just think about what is happening in your
parents home already, I dread to think
what will happen when you set up home
together.
Good luck!
I know my bro wont always be there to
protect me. i have lived on my own with my
b/f for about 10 months then we moved to
my mom's until we can find another place.
I dont really plan on moving out of my
mom's again until I'm done in college. But
I will see how things go. i dont expect to
have a long relationship with my
daughter's father and I dont plan on
marrying him either.
