Ah, isn't it wonderful being on the horns
of a dliemma.
I think you actually answered your own
problem by saying this has gone on for
three years. You don't sound particularly
happy about this.
It sounds like you're on a rollercoaster,
from high highs to low lows. I don't
think that anyone likes that except every
once in awhile. Most of us prefer
something fairly constant, and I'll bet
you're the same.
So, how to get off the rollercoaster...
Just get off! It's your
rollercoaster--it's your life. Yeah,
yeah, easy to say when it's not your
problem.
It sounds like you may need to just make a
break. A person doesn't have to be jerk
to break things off; if you're in any kind
of friendship that isn't making you happy
then you need to make the break and move
on.
This "maybe one day we'll be together" may
be true and if you're willing to wait for
something that may never happen then have
at it. People (women can use it, too) can
use that line when they want to be a
puppetmaster/mistress. to someone willing
to buy into that scenario. Are you
willing to take a chance on waking up 10
years from now, or even five years from
now in a relationship that hasn't moved
forward and you may have let chances for
other relationships pass you by?
And you say this guy's a client?!
Major red flag
here, unless he's no longer doing business
with your company. If he's still a client
and something goes wrong you could be in
for a demotion or firing. Businesses
don't take things like that lightly. Do
you live in the shadows and have to keep
this relationship a secret? If so,
another red flag.
It's OK to run the gamut of emotions as to
why you find him so attractive. I've been
there plenty of times myself. The answer
changes from hour-to-hour or more
frequently or can be situational. Have
you considered keeping a diary and just
pouring your feelings out on paper? Just
write and write and write, regardless how
how irrational you may believe you're
feeling. Just letting go of all the
confusion may help to cut through some of
the mist on your path.
Do you sit alone nights waiting fo him to
call or to come on-line? I did my share
of the former during my single life (I got
married at 38, pre-internet). It's easy
to look back and say "what a waste of
time" because I had to go through it, as
will you.
But you can decide how long you want this
to go on and what path you want to take.
You have that power and you can do
whatever you want with it. I've posted
replies (as have others) to several
people who have posted in this forum and
the answers are pretty much the same:
1. Nothing happens overnight. That is
extremely frustrating when one is unhappy
and wants the unhappiness to go away.
2. Consider finding other ways to spend
your time. Take up a new hobby, join a
new organization, just get out and meet
new people. Even if you have to force
yourself to go to the mall and window
shop, at least you're with other people
and away from the phone.
3. I keep forgetting this is the age of
cell phones. Unless you really need the
phone on, turn it off. Yes, you'll be
tempted every few seconds to see if he
called or texted you but if you make that
first step away, the times between the
checking for the texts or messages will
get longer and longer.
4. Consider what kind of a relationship
you want with this guy. I mean, seriously
consider. In one way, you're waaaay
smarter than I was. I fell for a guy I
met on vacation and within a few months I
moved 1000 miles away from where I grew up
to be with him. I went into it with eyes
wide open (I was in my late 20s, old
enough I thought to know better
)
and the glitter wore off not long after I
got there (I think it had started to wear
off before I got down there and I didn't
realize it). The rfact that you're not
moving to be nearer to him is smart,
smart, smart and I applaud you highly.
In my case, life handed me lemons and I
was able to make lemonade in spades but
the lemonade didn't come cheap.
I'm so sorry you're in such turmoil and
you've prolly cried yourself to sleep over
this for awhile. Do you have someone you
trust that you can talk about this to, or
do you have any kind of support system?
I've been lucky that way; there's always
been someone around when I've wanted to
talk about a problem.
Of course, you can always post here.
Sometimes it's easier to use anonymity
(sp?) in starting on a path to wellness.
If I was you I'd skip the conquest thing.
Be careful what you wish for, you may get
it. If you want to "win" him you want to
get him "legally"--no game-playing, no
invegling, no using "wiles". How would
you feel if he tricked you into a
relationship? I can't think of any
relationships I've had or known of where
trickery worked. Playing a little
"hard-to-get" is fine, but out-and-out
chicanery is beyond contempt.
Go on with your life, but go your own way.
You sound like you have a good head on
your shoulders all in all, so decide what
is best for *you* in your heart of hearts
and go after it. You'll change your mind
along the way, that's what life's
about--makes you a more well-rounded
person. You may even make the same
mistake a few times. God knows I have!
But that's how one learns (and sometimes
the lessons can be hard to learn).
Take your time, cry when you need to, keep
posting and good luck.
Vitrual hugs from my part of the country.
P.S. Sex is one of the worst ways to try
and keep a relationship going. You'll be
very sorry in the end.
your awesome!
