Midlife Crisis?

I would say it sounds like you've hit a little bit of depression, not so much a MLC...Have you considered talking to a therapist to try and sort out your feelings? I think that or a chat with your doctor might be the best option. Whatever you do, don't make any decisions (like cheating or leaving your family) while you're confused like this....talk to your wife first and foremost, let her know how you feel. Maybe she can help too. It's a lot we get on our plates and we tell ourselves the easiest thing to make it out of a slump is change (cheating for example). It's not, and whatever you do will affect those precious children, so please think it out.

I've been in and out of depression for quite some time. I had prescriptions for it, but decided not to take 'em, thinking of side effects.

The last few weeks, I decided to try contacting my old classmate. I've chatted with her, then find out she's having an affair with another man. As a teen, had the hardest time accepting I couldn't get a relationship with her. The last couple years she decides to talk to me whenever I see her anywhere, and tried to say to myself "stay away from her". Held up until couple weeks ago, I decide to try emailing her, cuz she hinted she wanted to chat/email... now seems I'm back to square one.

I thought I got over her, but now I'm thinking of her like I did in my teens.
Oh, forgot we chatted couple times and email back and forth few times, then she told me to stop... now I'm suffering like back then when she rejected me. I feel rotten, confused...

My husband and I agree, chatting is cheating. In my opinion, You need to stop contacting this woman from your past and sit down to decide where you want to go in life. If you want to be free to have relationships with other peole, that's one thing, but cheating on your wife is not the answer. Maybe a couples retreat would help you.

It seems I always make the silliest mistakes... when it comes to family/relationships. I wanted to see how she was doing, and thought it would be like a closure for me? Dunno... She did the right thing in asking me to stop contacting her. Maybe she had her own feelings to let go and approached me? Anyways some point in life, my life, I need direction and this is a start.

I've had a 'rough' childhood and teenage life, I had/have a low self esteem.

May I ask how old you are?

I may sound irritated/upset but what age does matter? I can say I'm mid-30's... I've talked bout' my childhood/teen life to a professional before, that's why I was prescribed antidepressants.
Why do I seem to go into depression what seems like seasonal? Is something wrong with ? Like schizophrenic/manic depressive? I sleep okay, eat okay, but usually I like to 'drag' on being depressed once something hits me... Living in rural area, it's a little hard for me to approach professional help, since everyone knows everybody. Trust is hard to grasp when who knows what in my town.

Midlife, just keep your self in check; don't do anything stupid like i said above, but look for positive things in your life.....your wife * kids * job(?), whatever....then think of what life without all that would be like....talk about depressing.

You need to speak with a doctor or a professional pyschiatrist about the seasonal feelings of depression, or try the meds you've already been prescribed....those side effects you reference may not even happen to you!

Okay, thanks... makes me feel better. I am usually looking after other family members and rarely get this advice, feedback.

Hi:

I always thought men had their mlcs at 40 and women at 30!

If you haven't purchased your "toy" (Covette, big boat, airplane), you're not having a midlife crisis

But seriously, it sounds like you're in a rut (I passed 30 20 years ago). You sound like you're looking for, to use a buzzword, "validation". For some reason you're dissatisfied with the way things are in your life and may be playing "what-if" by connecting with someone from the past.

You're realized by now that things move on--things in the past don't stay on some course that they may have taken all those years ago. I have no problem with having a "crush" on someone so long as I keep it to myself and DO NOT act on it. It's so nice when someone else thinks that I'm cool and says so--I haven't heard it from my spouse in years.

As far as getting off the meds go, not a good idea. A couple of years ago my primary care MD took me off an AD and over the next few months my life spun out of control. I actually didn't realize it until I had a major meltdown (at home). I was lucky enough to get to see a mental health professional and got squared away. If the med(s) your on don't seem to be working or the side effects are worse than the condition then talk to the person who prescribed them. There are all kinds of meds, either new ones or old ones that have applications that are related to depression.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. There is such a thing as "Seasonal Affective Disorder" (SAD). More often it happens when the days are short (I get it from September through March). It's possible you have SAD but a mental health professional needs to help you on that.

Is there anything at all that excites you, something you've always wanted to do? I've recently gotten into container gardening (window boxes). It isn't much, I realize but it makes me happy. I'm considering getting into climbing roses next year (we have latticework along the side of where we live). I don't know why, there's just this irresistible thing pushing me. One never knows where a path will lead.

Melissa is a smart person--what she says is very sound. Please consider going back on the meds or talking to a mental health professional.

Good luck!

Sounds, like you are bored in your marriage, because I agree that chatting or with someone you like, or lust for is cheating!! Maybe you need a vacation with your wife away from work and kids!!! I dont think its a mid life crisis, u just need some relaxing time!!! Good luck....keep us updated...

Hey, your condition is BETTER than mine and you feel bored.
I have lost my Job of 10 years,Currently in the process of finding a new one.
Wife had deserted me last year but I won her back with my love, caring and showing her how I valued her inspite of her cheating on me. Now she understands my love and values me more than ever.
I have 2 children who I have to take care.I have a very big mortgage to pay off.
But still I feel I am enjoying my life.Life's pressures no longer bother me I see it as a new challange which I need to look with a different perspective and find solutions.
I also suffer from slip discs in my back but it does not hamper me from carrying on with life.
Hope this makes you feel better.
Take some new challenges in life to make it more meaningful and you will never be bored.


sanjay