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Carolina3152

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Joined: 06 Apr 2005
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When Does Sex Stop Hurting? Posted: 06-13-07 06:13am


I've been married for almost a month. I was a virgin when we got married, and I was prepared for sex to hurt and just basically be bad for awhile. On the honeymoon we had sex about 4 times. We discovered I dont have a hymen or it already been broken (as there was no bleeding and no moment of intense pain). All the pain was centered around stretching me out. I was very tight down there, and now (4 weeks later) he can almost get all the way in. That pain basically subsided by the time we returned from the honeymoon. I had my period when we got back, so there was a week break with no sex. Then the first time we had sex, I think he entered a little rough, because I bled a little bit. At first I thought that had been my hymen but after having sex a few more times I think he must have torn me a little bit. When we have sex the initial entrance is killer- feels like someone is pulling my skin apart down there. And then once he gets inside me (he has to work his way in slowly before he can start the back n forth stuff) there is a new pain. When he thrusts deep (I'd say the last inch or so) it creates the most intense, horrible menstruation-type cramping I have ever had. It stretches across my entire lower abdomen. It goes away when he's done. This pain has not subsided as we've had more sex. We have tried missionary and me on top- its the same for both. We have always ended in missionary because I cant concentrate through the pain when I"m on top to help him finish. Can anybody shed some light?

Becky

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Posted: 06-13-07 08:04am


is your husband well endowed? i know sometimes in certian position if my parter goesin dep i get the same menstrual type pain that you talk about

Carolina3152

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Posted: 06-13-07 08:16am


nope, he is perfectly average.

lagrimas

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Posted: 06-13-07 10:49am


SEX STILL HURTS IN THE BEGINNING FOR ME. A LOT OF GIRLS GO THROUGH THAT STAGE WHERE THEY WANT TO TRY EVERYTHING NEW SO FAST. SO I WAS 14 WHEN I LOST MY VIRGINITY. HOWEVER, I WASNT DOING IT AS OFTEN. I LOST MY VIRGINITY IN SEPTEMBER. THE NEXT TIME I HAD SEX WAS IN NOVEMBER. THEN MY 3RD TIME WAS IN DECEMBER. BY MY THIRD TIME THOUGH, I NOTICED THE BEGINNING PAIN DIDNT STAY ANY LONGER THAN THE FIRST 2 MINUTES. I'VE HAD SEX A LOT, WITH THE SAME PERSON OF COURSE, AND TO THIS DAY IT STILL HURTS IN THE BEGINNING SO IM NOT SURE IF THAT PAIN WILL EVEN GO AWAY ...

Tylanas

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Re: When Does Sex Stop Hurting?
Posted: 06-13-07 11:16am

Carolina3152 wrote:

I've been married for almost a month. I was a virgin when we got married, and I was prepared for sex to hurt and just basically be bad for awhile.

WHy? Sex shouldn't have to hurt if both partners are reading and caring. Most women, if properly lubricated and relaxed, can have painless sex from day 1. I did. It's only a myth that sex is supposed to be painful at first.

Quote:

On the honeymoon we had sex about 4 times. We discovered I dont have a hymen or it already been broken (as there was no bleeding and no moment of intense pain). All the pain was centered around stretching me out.

Again, you shouldn't have to do that. I didn't have to do that. No woman has to do that! If his penis doesn't fit, then your bodyis not stimulaed enough. You need to be turned on, lubricated, and relaxed. Two fingers, a penis, a dildo, anything that needs to fit in there will. Vaginas do not need to be stretched.

Quote:

I was very tight down there, and now (4 weeks later) he can almost get all the way in. That pain basically subsided by the time we returned from the honeymoon.

All that means is that you're getting more relaxed with him.
Look, I had painless, complete-penetration sex when I lost my virginity. I was comfortable with my body, my boyfriend, and the idea of sex. I think a lot of women on here will tell you that sex is not supposed to be painful!!

Quote:

I had my period when we got back, so there was a week break with no sex. Then the first time we had sex, I think he entered a little rough, because I bled a little bit. At first I thought that had been my hymen but after having sex a few more times I think he must have torn me a little bit. When we have sex the initial entrance is killer- feels like someone is pulling my skin apart down there.

Then you're not relaxed enough nor lubricated enough. Even I sometimes have a little pain on entering, but only if I'm not turned on enough. If I'm totally in the mood, entering is an erotic feeling, not a painful one.

Quote:

And then once he gets inside me (he has to work his way in slowly before he can start the back n forth stuff) there is a new pain. When he thrusts deep (I'd say the last inch or so) it creates the most intense, horrible menstruation-type cramping I have ever had.

He's hitting your cervix, and this is painful for most women. It hurts me, too.

He should not be thrusting that deep. WHy? Simply because it causes you pain. Youhave a right to non-painful sex. Tell him that this deep thrusting hurts and youdon't want any more of it!! Period. I have to slow my fiancee down too when he gets too deep.

Quote:

It stretches across my entire lower abdomen. It goes away when he's done. This pain has not subsided as we've had more sex. We have tried missionary and me on top- its the same for both. We have always ended in missionary because I cant concentrate through the pain when I"m on top to help him finish.

Can anybody shed some light?

Yeah. You're doing it wrong!! I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's just that your entire view on sex is wrong.

It should not be painful.
You have a right to pain-free sex.
You need to be turned on more before he enters you.
You need to be more relaxed before he enters you.
You need to stop him when he's thrusting too deep.

Make him give you oral sex; you'll be amazed how loose that gets you! Plus, you become really lubricated from it. If I receive oral before my fiancee goes inside, it's totally painless (unless he pokes my cervix, ow lol)

Your husband needs to cater to your needs, not his.

Llewellyn

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Posted: 06-13-07 12:39pm


Eiri is right. Sex should not hurt, even the first time. If it does, something is wrong. Usually the problem is just not enough lubrication, so that's easy to fix. Make sure you are lubricated before even starting sex. If you are having trouble making enough on your own, buy a water-based lubricant at the store. Also, make sure you see your ob-gyn as pain during sex can be a symptom of a few things.

flipper

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Re: When Does Sex Stop Hurting?
Posted: 06-13-07 15:11pm

Carolina3152 wrote:

I've been married for almost a month. I was a virgin when we got married, and I was prepared for sex to hurt and just basically be bad for awhile.
On the honeymoon we had sex about 4 times. We discovered I dont have a hymen or it already been broken (as there was no bleeding and no moment of intense pain). All the pain was centered around stretching me out. I was very tight down there, and now (4 weeks later) he can almost get all the way in. That pain basically subsided by the time we returned from the honeymoon.
I had my period when we got back, so there was a week break with no sex. Then the first time we had sex, I think he entered a little rough, because I bled a little bit. At first I thought that had been my hymen but after having sex a few more times I think he must have torn me a little bit. When we have sex the initial entrance is killer- feels like someone is pulling my skin apart down there. And then once he gets inside me (he has to work his way in slowly before he can start the back n forth stuff) there is a new pain. When he thrusts deep (I'd say the last inch or so) it creates the most intense, horrible menstruation-type cramping I have ever had. It stretches across my entire lower abdomen. It goes away when he's done. This pain has not subsided as we've had more sex. We have tried missionary and me on top- its the same for both. We have always ended in missionary because I cant concentrate through the pain when I"m on top to help him finish.

Can anybody shed some light?

Well first of all, welcome to sex! Smile

One month is such a short amount of time to get used to all of these new experiences, so don't feel badly that things aren't working out exactly right yet. Your body may be built for sex, but that doesn't mean that it automatically knows what to do. It takes time, practice and patience for it to run as smoothly as you'd like it to.

Are you sure that your hymen was already broken? I ask because you mentioned that after a month your husband can "almost" get all the way in. Some hymen's are just tough little beasts that take a while to break or wear down. As a matter of fact, I read once that a lot of women still have at least part of their hymen still attached until they give birth for the first time.

A lot of women have a hard time with deep penetration, so that's perfectly normal. The pain when he goes deep could be from him hitting your cervix. For some, it doesn't matter what they do, this just isn't comfortable and they have to hold off on deep penetration altogether. For others, more foreplay could help tremendously. I love foreplay, and spend at least a good solid half hour before intercourse is even introduced. There have been times when my husband and I have spent more than an hour just kissing and touching, and by the time we're ready to have intercourse, I'm so incredibly ready. It's times like these where I can have deep penetration in any position as rough as I like and it's just not going to hurt at all.

Having said all of that, I know the pain you're talking about. The first time I had sex, I didn't bleed but it did hurt. That "beginning" pain that you're talking about is so familiar, and honestly it is not the same as the "you didn't spend enough time on foreplay" pain. I could throw down in the kitchen with my husband right now, and it probably would hurt a little because I am not prepared enough, but that pain is different than the one you're describing, and I only know that because I experienced it. Honestly, it took me a few months for that to go away, and it has never come back in almost 12 years.

You may have to try more foreplay than you consider to be normal, and probably even some extra lubrication to help ease that "beginning" pain until it finally subsides. I do believe that it is only temporary.

As for the deep penetration, if it doesn't get any better, gets worse or if the pain continues even after sex, I would definitely see your gyn about it just to make sure there isn't a medical problem that needs looking into.